The two girls finished their version of events, including their account of what Luke had seen in the dressing table mirror and Alyssa's theory that Belle's disability made her somehow more receptive to the dolls' worries. Alyssa looked at Belle, wondering if she had anything further to add and, when her sister didn't speak further, she looked at first her mother, and then Jamie, to guage their reactions. They both looked stunned, but not as stunned as perhaps they should have been. Mandy had moved to the kitchen table and sat down during the recount, and now she was idly shaking the pair of dice from the game in her hand, as though if she rolled them, they would give her an answer. Of course they would, but not an answer that would help her unravel this mystery. Jamie took a breath, as though to speak, and then let it out again without saying anything. Mandy seemed as though she hadn't even registered the silence, her head down, her hands with the dice inside them shaking, shaking.
--
Eventually, Jamie found the words he wanted to say, and began saying them. Slowly at first, but gradually warming to the narrative, he told of the endless worry dolls the two of them had found - in the salad, in the surgery. In his shoe. Eventually, he came around to the old man he - just like Luke - had seen in the dressing table mirror. Belle looked up as he recounted the story of the man apparently having a heart attack and passing away on the bed, but said nothing. He spoke of the indentation the reflection had left on the bed, and of his feelings of impotence.
Mandy looked up as Jamie stumbled to a halt, and added her own story. Jamie had not yet heard it in full, and he listened as raptly as the two girls as she spoke of the girl she had seen - no more than twelve, and the amazing head wound she had spouted while Mandy's head was turned, looking for the girl in the real room behind her.
All four of them had made the connection now, between the experiences Belle had had with each of the worry dolls, and the visions they had seen in the mirror. But what it meant, none of them could begin to guess.
--
There were a lot of pauses, a lot of "ummms" and a lot of nervous glances, but eventually, they decided to go into the master bedroom and peer in the mirror to see what evils lurked there. Belle had experienced the worries of four of the dolls, but between them - and including the now absent Luke - they had seen only three in the mirror. As preparation, Belle had been convinced to hold the doll she had found in the Monopoly box to determine the nature of the scenario. It was the first time she had voluntarily picked up a doll for a second experience, and the knowledge of what was coming made her nervous. Alyssa picked up the doll and Belle held out her hands to take it, just as they had on the beach the last time. Belle's heart was racing even before the little doll dropped into her cupped palms, and this time the experience was stronger, more powerful than ever before. The rushing noise filled her head, blotting out all other sound, and she immediately began to struggle to breathe. As she tried to suck in air - a blockage like a wet rag low in her throat, and restricting any attempt at respiration, a vague idea came to her that she should drop the doll. The sentence made little sense to her, what she wanted was air (drop the doll) and she sucked harder, in vain. Then even the lack of oxygen (drop the doll) started to seem unimportant, and the rushing sound (i had a little dolly) faded and seemed almost comforting. She began to drift, her mind (now they're all dead) empty and her panic a lifetime away. She floated on the rushing sound, like a radio that had slipped off the station and was picking up nothing but static (i'm so sorry), and just let go ...
--
Alyssa was watching Belle, wondering when she was going to drop the doll, and it was only when Mandy began screaming that she was suffocating that she realised it has been too long. Jamie was jumping to his feet and trying to revive her and Mandy was still screaming when Alyssa reached out almost casually, and slapped the little doll out of her sister's hands. Almost immediately, Belle took a deep, shuddering breath, and her eyes flickered open. She frowned, and blinked a few times, apaprently totally bemused at the panicked faces around her. "What happened?" she croaked, her throat still dry, "What just ..." she put her hands down on the table, and Alyssa swept the doll out of her reach. Mandy was still hysterical, yelling at Alyssa that she could have killed her, yelling at Jamie for not having reacted sooner, yelling at Belle for having tried such a crazy stunt in the first place. It was a state common to parents - anger borne through fear, and subsequent relief.
"It was the doll," Alyssa said quietly, "The worry doll."
Belle frowned for a moment before the memory came flooding back at her. The doll, she remembered now. She hadn't really been drowning, but the doll apparently had been worrying about it.
--
When Mandy finally stopped yelling at everyone, she looked around as though she had just woken from a stupor, and went into the kitchen. She found a wine glass in the cupboard, and fished a cheap bottle of cooking wine out of the fridge. She didn't drink much usually, and it was in there to be used for deglazing the pan when she was cooking, but now she sloshed a good dose into the glass. She drank it down like a kid will glug a medicine cup full of cough mixture, and grimaced at the burning sensation as it wound its way towards her stomach. Fighting the urge to throw the alcohol back up and into the sink, she poured another glass, and hurled the finished bottle into the bin. She picked up the glass and made her way somewhat unsteadily back into the dining room. Jamie raised an eyebrow as she moved past him, but she said nothing. She didn't trust herself to speak.
--
When they were all sitting at the table again, Alyssa looked around at all of them. She had been taking charge of the evening all along so far, and saw no reason not to continue. Jamie and Belle both looked forlorn, Jamie staring at his hands as the lay on the table, only his restless fingers tying themselves into knots giving away his nervousness. Belle looked lost in thought, her mind a million miles away as she turned the problem over in her mind. Mandy looked spaced out, and Alyssa realised that this wasn't her first glass of wine. Her mother didn't drink much, but even she couldn't get drunk on only three tentative sips of cooking wine. Alyysa cleared her throat. Jamie looked up at her, the other two seemed stuck in their own worlds regardless.
"Well, are we going to go and look in the mirror?"
"Liss, I'm not so sure that that's a great ..." Jamie started.
"Yes." Belle interupted. "Yes. I wanted to do it beforen just to find out what happens, but now I think we don't have a choice. We have to look."
This was greeted with silence.
"I need you to be the eyes, Liss. You need to look, and tell me what you can see. Can you do that?"
Alyssa, realising that the control she had had - if she had ever had it - had been wrested from her now. The control, the power, lay with Belle and she realised that it really had all along. Belle was the one who could receive the dolls' messages, and so she was the one who would call the shots. She needed Alyssa to 'be her eyes' as she put it, but she was clearly in control. Alyssa nodded, cleared her throat again, and said, "of course I can."
Belle nodded, although she had known all along that Alyssa wouldn't refuse her, and said softly, "Let's go, then."
--
Belle stood, Alyssa stood with her. Jamie sat watching the two of them, and eventually stood too. Mandy drained her drink, and put her head down on her arms. Belle wondered idly where Rudolph was, it wasn't like him not to be sitting under the kitchen table. Perhaps he had wandered off when all the excitement began. Suddenly, she didn't seem nervous about entering her mother's room, although it been only mere days ago that the idea had scared the life out of her. She wished Rudolph was around, to give her an indication about how she should be feeling about going into the room, wondering if her own sixth sense was fooling her into a false sense of security. Redgardless, she walked slowly to the room, taking each step carefully, and measuring the distances with care, to avoid running into the walls. She didn't want to go rushing in, just in case she missed something important. She didn't know what that might be, but she was sure she would recognise it when it happened.
--
Alyssa followed Belle into the room, at the snail's pace she set. She had a sudden image from a book she had owned as a child, of a family going on a bear hunt, and creeping through various obstacles - long wavy grass, thick oozy mud, and a whirling swirling snowstorm - and the thought nearly made her giggle, in spite of the seriousness that had descended over them. Jamie was following closely behind her, she could hear him breathing hot and fast. Alyssa suspected that her mother, still in the kitchen, had dropped into an alcoholic stupor. Well, she couldn't really blame her. The idea seemed rather appealing even to Alyssa, if her urge to just retreat from the whole messy experience hadn't been completely overcome by her curiosity. When Belle reached the bedroom door she paused. If Alyssa didn't know better, she would have thought that she was looking for something in the room, but as it was she guessed she was waiting for a feeling, an emotion, a signal of some sort. Alyssa and Jamie waited impatiently, eager to just get into the room and discover what lay in the mirror. The theatrics seemed uneccesary and over dramatic.
--
Belle wasn't aware of the impatience of the two behind her, in fact she wasn't really aware of them at all. Their presence was not what was important to her right now, although she knew that Alyssa's eyes would become important to her soon enough. For now, her own internal eye could see more than Alyssa's ordinary ones ever would. She stepped gingerly into the room, and was unsurprised when Rudolph padded out from underneath the bed. He came up to her, lifting his head for a pat. She crouched beside him, fondled his soft ears, and whispered to him, "What is it, Rude?" she murmered, "What can you see, hmm?". Rudolph responded by nuzzling her cheek, and she interpreted it to mean that the room was clear. She wasn't just unthreatened by anything, but was being invited in to partake of the super-normal events that the worry dolls wanted her to see, she imagined.
"Okay, let's go." she murmered softly, more to herself than to Alyssa and Jamie, and took the few steps over to stand in front of the dressing table. Rudolph stood close by her side, she could feel his heart beating against her leg even through the fabric of her jeans.
--
Alyssa and Jamie shuffled into the room behind Belle and Rudolph, and the four of them stood staring into the mirror, waiting for it to share its secret. Alyssa started to feel a little silly. Jamie was about to pipe up and declare that clearly they were making a big fuss over absolutely nothing, when Belle began to murmer under her breath. At first they couldn't work out what she was saying, and then Alyssa picked up the rythym ...
... I'm so very sorry
I had a little dolly
I told it my little worry
And then it all turned red
And now they're all dead
I'm so very sorry
I had a little dollly ...
Belle continued the mantra, and reluctantly Alyssa picked it up as well, murmering the words under her breath. Jamie stood looking at first Belle, then Alyssa. Even he was beginning to notice the electricity in the air, the choking feeling that was rising up and threatening to consume them all. He wanted to yell out, to get them to stop chanting, but the rhyme went through him, piercing him and making unable (or unwilling?) to call this crazy idea off.
The girls kept chanting, Alyssa and Jamie both staring into the mirror. Rudolph continued to pant, his eyes locked on Belle. Belle, for her part, had her eyes closed - all the better to see you with, my dear, she thought crazily, incoherently - and was swaying slightly on her feet. Jamie watched her image wavering in the mirror, and wondered if the only thing he would see reflected there would be Belle fainting. He positioned himself so that he could catch her if she fell, and tried to watch the reflection of the room in the mirror, rather than Belle herself.
As the chanting continued, the tension in the room continued to rise and, just as Belle began to think that she was going to spontaneously combust from the pressure building up inside her head, she heard Alyssa cry out behind her. A moment later Jamie's voice joined her, the words indistinct, barely distinguishable, "Oh my dear sweet Lord! What the hell is that?"
Belle tried not to allow the voices behind her to break her concetration, although she needed to hear what it was that Alyssa could see. Come on, Liss, she begged silently - to open her mouth now would be to break the spell - come on and tell me what's happening, Liss.
--
Finally, Alyssa realised that she needed to explain what she was seeing. This was what Belle had meant, she suddenly thought, when had asked Alyssa to 'be her eyes'. Alyssa had been Belle's eyes nearly all her life, but this was a completely different demand, she thought, and it became clear why Belle had asked specifically this time. Because, whether Belle had understood it or not, being her eyes here - now - was a lot more complciated than telling her where on the plate the sausages were. She opened her mouth, tried to form what her eyes were seeing into some kind of words, and began to stammer, "It's a ... well, mostly it's smoke. In the mirror, the reflection. It's white, like smoke off a ... well like smoke from a smoke machine, not like smoke from a fire." she paused again, trying to explain the image further, and Jamie jumped in, his voice excited and nervous, "But there's faces in it, Belle. All different faces. They're mostly sad, but some are angry, and some are ... " at this point, Belle realised that she was no longer hearing the two of them with her ears. Their voices no longer contained words, but images, ideas, emotions. She was tapping directly into their thoughts, she realised so suddenly that she nearly severed the connection with her surprise. Instead, she tried to tune into them, but she couldn't distinguish Alyssa from Jamie and the two of them from the rest of the images swirling in her mind. She attempted to unravel the ideas, find the end of a string so she could follow it through the tangled pile, but every time she grasped one concept, one idea, another one crashed in on top of it and she lost her grip. Eventually, it became too much for her, and she let go. Everything went black.
--
Alyssa saw Belle drop to the ground, and realised that she had stopped actually speaking. Even as she rushed to help her sister, she wondered when that had happened. She had still been thinking that she was speaking out aloud, but now she tried to recall the words she had used, she couldn't. She knelt beside Belle, and Jamie appeared at her elbow. The strange feeling in the room had dissapated now - the sense of crowding had cleared, and the claustrophic atmosphere had washed away, like summer heat after an evening storm. She looked down into Belle's face, and was surprised to find that she was breathing normally, her face clear. Jamie knelt beside her, and said gruffly, "Let's get her into bed." Then clarified, "her bed. Get her out of this room." He picked her up as though she was a baby, her prostrate form flopping over both his arms as he raised himself, with her, into a standing position. Alyssa followed along behind them, noticing as she did that the dressing table mirror - free now from smoke and ethereal faces - had a crack running right the way across its middle, even through the wings, although they were seperate pieces of glass. She shivered suddenly, as a finger of ice crept up her spine, and then followed Jamie and her sister out of the room.
--
Minutes after Jamie laid Belle on her own bed, she opened her eyes. There was no confusion, no moment of wondering where she was. One moment, everything had been black and voices and thoughts and pictures had been intertwined around her, the next, she was lying face up on the bed in her room. She sat up, and Rudolph was at her side, licking her hand. She smiled, gave him a pat and hugged him awkwardly around his head. "Good boy, you're a good boy."
When Alyssa poked her head into Belle's bedroom later on, she was in her pyjamas and tucked up under the doona. Alyssa smiled and, although she badly wanted to know what Belle had just experienced, she let her sister sleep.
Back in her own flat, Alyssa made herself a cup of coffee. The experience hadn't made her tired, as it had Belle, it had gotten her keyed up, excited, nervous. She wanted - needed - an answer to this mystery. The scientist in her demanded it.
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