Shifting Sands

Certain recent articles (linked to throughout the post) have gotten me thinking about the way that society is treating children in this age. I haven't seen a lot of research on this topic, and I'd love it if someone could point me in the direction of some studies. In the Victorian age, children were treated more or less as short adults. Society quite happily sent nine year olds down mines, and even younger children into factories and other menial jobs. Shorpy has some brilliant photos of kids hard at work. Around this time, children were considered to be no more than adults who weren't quite grown yet, and mostly they were treated (and beaten) as such. As time has gone on the pendulum, as in so many cases, has swung and children have gradually received more and more rights, and been viewed by society in a changing light. By the fifties children were still expected to be 'seen and not heard' but they were also - in most westernised countries - protected by child-labour laws. Child abuse (in terms of beatings by parents as well in sexual terms) was still pretty much ignored, but there was a growing trend towards children staying in school longer, and most beatings occurred behind closed doors. And the pendulum has continued to swing in the same direction - now children are protected not just by minimum-age labour laws but also laws that determine how many hours and on what days they can work, minimum wage and other labour laws. There are ongoing campaigns to 'think of the children' (which segues quite nicely into Conroy's Folly, but I'm not going to go into that here) and a burgeoning desire for - and delivery of - crackdowns on 'kiddy porn', leading to such nonsense as the baby swinging incident and the Simpsons Porn bust.

When does the pendulum start to swing back? I'm not advocating a return to Victorian ideals, and I certainly don't condone the fifties version either, but surely we can strike a happy balance here? Why can't we recognise that child porn is bad, people making and distributing child porn ought to reprimanded, and paedophilia should not be tolerated, but do it with just a touch of reason? Child porn and paedophilia should not be accepted, but why do we overreact so badly? Do we rezone apartment buildings because a potential murderer could spy on a potential victim?

We need to stop and realise that a crime that involves a child is horrible, sickening even, but it is still a crime - just like any other crime. It's bad, yes, but it's no worse (and in many cases, quite a lot better) than what adults do to other adults. Punish the crime, but stop putting such a high moral judgement on the thing.

Oh, and as for cartoon porn? If anyone actually got off on it, they'd make magazines of it with non-see-through covers and put it on newstands, or the websites would want your credit card number. It's not porn, it's humour. Get it? No, I didn't think so. ::sigh::

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See the follow-up post: http://lanabrindley.blogspot.com/2009/09/baby-swinging.html">On Babies and Pendulums

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The spirit of giving

She gave me a cardboard box with apples
To use when there were storms about
Because my cart it got knocked over
And she didn't think I should have to go without

This year has been a year of growth and reflection for me. Spending a quiet year in the cottage, thinking about life and where mine is going; relationships and personalities; who I am and who I want to be. Part of the growth was a personal dedication to helping people less fortunate than myself. Where I don't have money to give, I do have time, ability, intelligence and willingness. In a first big step towards this goal, I have today completed a run through Canberra suburbs to distribute toys, clothes, shoes and other bits and pieces that I have decided we can live without. T and I took a cardboard box full of grocery items in to her day care centre on Monday to be given to charity, and I have contacted the Salvation Army about helping out with Christmas hamper packing and delivery. I also intend to put a present under the Wishing Tree - with T's help of course.

Which brings me to the main thing. All this giving is obviously good for the charities we're supporting, and it gives me a lovely rosy glow about having done something to help out those people who struggle around this time of year. But the really important thing, to me anyway, is the opportunities it gives me to talk to T about what we're doing. She's old enough to understand the concept of "making people happy" and I think it's important to teach her that we make people happy in ways other than blindly throwing money at them. Naturally sometimes it's money that's needed, but crying poor is no excuse for not giving, for not helping, or for pretending that you are more important than anybody else on this planet.



This year, I'm making an effort to give more than I receive, to make more than I buy, and to recycle more than I throw away. It isn't just a gift for now, this year, but a gift to our children, and their future.

Life Updates

A couple of things have happened recently, all more or less related. Firstly, for anyone who remembers the Sheep Post, you might be interested to know that they have been shipped (sheeped?) off to stay out at my parents' place. Mum and Dad have about an acre and half and much better fencing than us, which means they can roam and munch to their little hearts' content without needing to be tethered. The other interesting story about the sheep is that a few days before they were due to be moved, we noticed something odd about Pixie - she's fat. And no, I don't just mean "I ate too much good grass"-type fat. I mean "I think I might be having little lambies"-type fat. I guess only time will tell. Mum and Dad seem reluctant to slaughter them, and have instead decided to breed off them and slaughter the offspring. Well, T will be happy anyway, and I guess I'll have to put away my carving knife for a little while longer. I wonder if mint sauce freezes well ...

Which brings me to the second piece of news. We're on the move again, which explains why the sheep have been shipped (why does the idea of shipped sheep make me giggle so much?). The Cottage has served us well for a year now, and we recently spotted this little gem online. We jumped in and grabbed it and we're moving four days before Christmas. Yes, I know, spectacularly bad timing, but you know what they say, strike while the iron is hot! In case you're wondering, it's a converted convent, complete with chapel (soon to become my new office), and housed the Brown Josephites order of nuns (that's the order started by the Blessed Mary McKillop) in between 1891 and 1975. It's privately owned now, and has been split virtually right down the middle into two dwellings, with the owner living in the other side. I'm hoping to be able to get some good pictures of the place - light streaming through stained glass and the like.

They are five

Last weekend, we endured what has become known in our house as The Great Weekend Dancing Extravaganza. And extravagant it certainly was! A dress rehearsal and three concerts over the two days of the weekend - hair gel, curlers, make up, costumes, tights, ballet shoes, rehearsals, performances, tickets, intervals and grand finales. There were laughs, tears, frowns, smiles and, of course, many late nights.



By Monday, there were more tears than laughs and more tantrums than excited hugs. Despite days off on both Monday and Tuesday to recuperate, the little dancer was still tired and grumpy today, although I'd finally had enough and foisted her back on to her teachers (does that make me a bad mother, I wonder?). The whole thing was almost as though it was designed to be stress inducing - from the gruelling schedule, developed to contain either stupefying hours-long waits, or nosebleed-inducing rushes between performances, to the multitude of do's and don'ts (do ensure that children have spare pairs of stockings, they will not be allowed onstage with laddered stockings; don't be in the vicinity of the dressing room during concerts; do be at the dressing room immediately after your child comes off stage; don't ... well, you get the idea) the whole weekend left me reeling, exhausted and thinking - surely there's a better way than this?

And then, in the uncanny way these things have, I stumbled across this SMH piece (linked to by the lovely ladies over at Hoyden About Town), and I had a sudden utopian vision ...

I want to start a dance school. I'd call it "Get up and wiggle". It would be dance sessions (not classes) for little kids where we have one big room with mirrors, coloured lights, and a disco ball. We'd put on some funky music - different stuff all the time - and all the kids and all the parents would get out on the dance floor and wiggle. No rules, no special equipment, and no talent required. We'd even have a concert - we'd all get up on stage at once, say "Ready, Mister Music!" and then wiggle to our hearts' content. And we would get the audience to join in. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

Anyway, the good news is, the dancer has decided to do swimming lessons next year. You have no idea how pleased I was to hear that. I've done my dash with dancing, I think. Hopefully for 2010 she decides to learn an instrument - a nice one, that doesn't make any noise ...

And they all lived happily ever after

Well, it's over for another year. It all got a bit hairy there after falling sick at the beginning of the month, but a big push last weekend and a lot of late nights saw me cross the finish line a couple of days early. Which is just as well, really, since this weekend is the Great Weekend of Much Dancing Madness (more on that later).

How do I feel about the novel? Right now, reasonably ambivalent. I don't think it's as good as last year's effort (Stopping All Stations), but with a little bit of editing it might yet be an enjoyable read.

For those of you who have been reading along, thank you for your support. As much as I write this stuff for my own enjoyment, it's gratifying to know that there are people out there who are (hopefully) enjoying it also. For those of you who haven't read any of it yet - don't. Wait until I've given it a bit of a scrub and a polish, and that way you won't have to sidestep the typos and mind those plot holes.



Don't forget to check back next November for more NaNo madness, but in the mean time it's back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Behind These Eyes - Part The Last!

Belle started at the beginning, telling how the worries out lived the dolls, and finished at the place where they had been when they were talking in the kitchen. “Basically,” she said, “Well, at least as far as I can tell, anyway, the worries sort of build up behind the mirror. They need to recycle the emotional energy, they can't store it, so they distill it down. That way it's not so ... potent, I guess. Gradually, the emotional energy builds up and the host – that's you, Mum, as far as I can tell – starts to feel a bit, well, I'm not sure. I would guess that stuff would start to happen to you that was a bit odd, and you would start to feel like you would want to move the mirror. Ideally, the mirror would be moved out of the house – given to someone else, or maybe even turned into some other kind of furniture, I don't know. But whatever it is that keeps the worries in – for us it's a mirror, but I guess it changes over the years – eventually ends up with someone else, and that person becomes the host instead. So to fix the problem, we need to give the dressing table away. I think.”
There was silence. The sudden quiet spun out like a thread of gossamer ... stretching and stretching until Belle became convinced that if someone didn't break it soon, she was going to have to break it herself, just to get rid of the tension out of the room.
Finally, words dropping like stones in the thick atmosphere of the room, Mandy stated "So you are both trying to tell me that I am a ... some kind of a conduit for emotional energy?"
Her eyebrow was arched, and her voice doubting.
Belle nodded earnestly. Alyssa took a sudden interest in her fingernails, thinking that the next thing out of her mother's mouth would be an hysterical laugh.

The gossamer thread of silence started to spin out again, until Belle took a deep breath and said softly, "How much time do we have left?"

Mandy checked the clock, "About fifteen minutes." she said archly, implying that there was no way that the girls could achieve this. Alyssa was thinking the same thing.

"Okay." Belle said suddenly, assertively, "Come with me."



--



By unspoken agreement, this time Alyssa waited out in the dining room, and Belle took their mother by the hand, and led her in to the nedroom. She called for Rudolph as they went, and in less than a minute he trotted into the room, and went straight to Belle's side. In the bedroom, Jamie who was reading in bed, looked up at the sudden intrusion. He shot an unspoken question at Mandy and she returned it with a loaded look.

"Sorry Jamie," Belle said, "But I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room for a little while. There's something I need to show Mum." She paused, and when Jamie didn't move in the bed, she added, "If you go out and wait in the dining room, Alyssa will let you know when you can come back in."

Jamie gave Mandy another glance, this one resigned, and moved to get out of bed. He slipped his feet into the slippers on the floor and, his finger still marking his place in the paperback he held, he padded reluctantly out to the dining room.

Belle turned around so that she was facing the mirror, and held out her left hand for her mother's. When she held it firmly in her own, she used her right hand to give a gentle low on her right leg, and Rudolph moved in closer. His breathing was calm, her mother's was not.

She started slowly, softly. Gently murmering the words under her breath. She was surprised when her mother suddenly joined in,

"Then it went red

And now they're all dead

I'm so terribly sorry

I had a little dolly

I told it my ..."



And then they were in. Alyssa and Jamie slipped into the room behind them, and Alyssa demonstrated how to join the group. Once Alyssa was in, Jamie joined them like a filament, and shortly afterwards there was a bright flash of light. Belle's sight doubled, tripled, quadrupled, before she could bring it under her own control, before she could focus on the one. Yet again she saw the faces of the worries int he mirror, grinning and crying, laughing and screaming. Yet again those faces gradually coalesced into one big face. The one. They were back behind the mirror.



--



Belle, Rudolph. Alyssa, Jamie. By what name does the host go by?

Uh. Um. I'm Mandy.

Mandy, then. Hello Host.

Ah ... hello. Who ... who is this?

Well, I should think you already know, Host - Mandy.

I ... I am afraid I don't. Why do you call me Host?

Because that is who you are. You are the host. We have been trying to reach you for a long time now. You are stubborn. And difficult. And blind.

I am not blind.

Oh, but you are.

No, it's Belle who is ...

Hush! Belle has more vision than the rest of you put together. She sees more, and she understands more. You, host, are the blind one.

I don't understand, what do you mean?

Stop asking questions. It is not your place to ask questions. If you listened more, and watched more, then you wouldn't need to ask questions. I no longer answer questions. I have answered enough. Now is the time for action, not words. Host - Mandy - I shall put this simply so that you understand it. You are to move the mirror to a new host. Immediately. Do you understand?

I ... no, I don't understand, what do you mean by move the mirror?

We need to move on. You must ... who is this?

Ahh ... it's Luke. Remember me?

Who invited you here?

I, uh, I wanted to come back, to apologise. I ran off before, but I wanted to come back. To help.

The help of people who run away is not wanted. Now leave!



--



When Belle woke up, she felt as though she had ben punched in the face - her head throbbed and her eyes felt like they were too large for their sockets. When she tried to sit up, a bolt of pain shot from both her temples into a spot just behind the centre of her forhead. She dropped back onto the bed and pulled the blankets over her head. Before long she was asleep again.



--



Alyssa spent most of the week trying to call Luke. His car was in their driveway, with the keys in the ignition, and after a few days she and Jamie took it back around to Luke's little flat. No one answered the door, and so they left it in the empty carport. They slipped the ignition key under the locked front door.



--



Mandy went to bed, and stayed there. Every so often, she got up long enough to go to the bottle shop and smuggle a litre bottle of vodka back into the house. She stashed it in the dressing table drawer, and tried not to notice the worry dolls, still pristine in their little snap lock bag, and looking like nothing more menacing than what they were - some little bits of twig with scraps of cloth wrapped around them. Depending on how much of the vodka she had sneaked direct from the bottle before she got it into the drawer, they sometimes spoke to her.



--



Jamie went back to work, and tried to bury himself in his job. He had always loved his profession, and he started to recapture some of the joys of general practise again. He found himself working longer and longer hours, to avoid having to face Mandy, and after a few months, he began to contemplate moving out of the house they shared. There was a block of duplexes across the street from the surgery, and one had just come up for rent. He told himself - and the two girls - that it was so he didn't have to travel so far on the nights he worked late.



--



Belle woke for only minutes at a time, and in agony, for the best part of two weeks. Alyssa and Jamie brought her meals, and eventually she managed, with help, to get out of bed and start moving around again. She went back to school, but started spending more time with her sister in her flat. When she went for an annual checkup, the opthamologist found that she had gained about five percent sight, after living fifteen years with none at all. He called it a medical miracle, and he wrote a paper that was published in the Lancet medical journal. A reporter from the local newspaper came out and took Belle's photograph, but few people outside of the medical establishment recognised the significance of the event. Five percent sight, after all, is still very much blind.



--



It was about a month later when Belle found herself in the house alone. Her mother had disappeared on some errand, of what variety Belle didn't want to know, although she could guess. Her mother was more or less a non entity in her life now. Belle sneaked into her mother's bedroom and, wrinkling her nose against the smell of the unwashed bed linen and stale alcohol, she stared into the mirror - seeing now a hazy outline instead of the blackness she saw last time she was here. She called Rudolph to her side, and started to mumble the little rhyme under her breath, but discovered that she couldn't quite remember the words. There was no energy in here any more. The worries, the dolls, and the one - if they had ever existed - were gone now.



--



Alyssa eventually stopped trying to call Luke, and when months later she had a phone call from the police, she told them the truth. She had last heard from him on the night when Mandy and Jamie had returned from their weekend away. He had seemed nervous, and had made an excuse and left. She decided to leave out the part where he had shown up in a collective hallucination about worry dolls living in a mirror. She definitely didn't mention the scorched bit of carpet that now existed in her mother's bedroom, right in front of the dressing table.



--



When Belle found her mother lying unconsious in bed one afternoon after school, she didn't immediately think much of it. It was only when she tried to wake her up a bit to have something to eat, as she did once a week or so, that she realised that she seemed even more unconscious than normal. She didn't respond at all, even to vigorous shaking, and Belle started to panic. She grabbed the cordless phone from the bedside table, and had begun to dial emergency services before she realised it was flat. She ran out to the kitchen, to the wall phone, and called triple zero. She had to put the phone down every so often to check on her mother as the emergency services operator asked her to do different things. At one point she left the operator waiting while she dashed outside to find Alyssa. Rudolph spent the whole time beside Mandy's bed, ocassionaly licking the hand that had drifted out from under the cupboards. Once Alyssa was inside, she took over in the bedroom, and the two commenced a shouted conversation, as the emergency services operator suggested different things to do. By the time the ambulance arrived, Mandy's heartbeat had dropped to dangerously low levels. By the time they got her to the emergency room she was dead. Some time later that night, sitting at the dining table with Belle, both of them in shock but not really shocked, Alyssa realised that she should have called Jamie hours ago.



--



The funeral was a dismal affair. Belle and Alyssa both cried in the front row, although a distant aunt later mentioned that she didn't think they had cried quite enough for her liking. The two girls distanced themselves from the relatives as much as possible. They knew that Mandy had never been close to her family, and they were beginning to understand why. The wake was held at the funeral, and they both agreed after five minutes to leave the others to their moaning. They escaped to a nearby McDonald's, and spent the rest of the afternoon discussing the complicated relationship they had developed with their mother in the past year. They did not mention the mirror, or what had happened beyond it.



--



Alyssa became Belle's legal guardian, to avoid Family Services having to track down their long absent father, and the two of them settled back into a semblance of normal life. They both missed a lot of school for a while, and Alyssa eventually took a year's leave of absence so she could work to support them both. She started work as a chemist's assistant, and shortly after she got her first paycheck, the two of them met up with Jamie to discuss a settlement. He was surprisingly generous, given that he had no financial obloigation to his girlfriend's children, and offered to give them the house they lived in. Not long after that they heard that he was going out with someone he had met at the surgery.



--



Belle took on a part time job after school, but was determined to make it through to the end of year twelve. She did, and then found a job as a teacher's assistant at a local preschool. She found the children incredibly stimulating, and enjoyed watching them learn and grow. In her spare time, she started writing picture books, and eventually was offered a publishing contract. The advance was enough to enable her to go to university, and she studied part time for her teacher's certifcate. She continued to write, and continued to help out at the school when her timetable allowed it.



--



Alyssa and Belle, over the years, gradually changed the house to reflect their own personalities. Alyssa moved back into the house proper, and converted the granny flat into a dual purpose room. One half contained a basic lab for her, and she resumed her studies. The other half was a writer's den for Belle, where she laid out the pages of her books, and met her illustrator. In the house, Alyssa claimed the spare bedroom for herself, and the main bedroom, despite having the ensuite, was made into a spare room. They gave the dressing table away to a second hand furniture store.



--



Epilogue



Richard and Deanne had just moved in together. They had been going out for just over a year and, after an anniversary dinner at a fancy restaurant, Deanne had nearly choked on an engagement ring hidden in her glass of champagne. They had held a backyard engagement party at Deanne's parents place and asked for money in lieu of gifts. The money had then been used with their individual savings to out down a deposit on a two bedroom unit in a nice suburb. It wasn't fancy, but it would suit them for now. Richard was a real estate agent, and he had decided that the area would only improve in value. After a couple of years, he told Deanne, we'll sell the unit and be able to upgrade to something bigger and a bit nicer. Maybe something with a backyard, because maybe by then they would be considering a child or two.



The unit was partly furnished, which suited them well. They moved in and had a big house warming party with all of their friends a few weeks later. The party was a big success, although Deanne drank a little too much punch, and ended up passing out on the loungeroom floor shortly after the last of the guests had gone home. They had both laughed about it afterwards, and Richard teased her about it for a few weeks until the incident was forgotten.



Life continued on for some time, and Deanne found herself wrapped up in wedding plans. It consumed most of her spare time, and Richard was working as hard as could to earn the extra commission. The comission money got put into a wedding fund, and their parents both contributed to the fund to ensure they had a good honeymoon that they would never forget.



It was when they returned from a week in the Maldives, that things started to go a little strange. They dropped three wine glasses in two days, and not long after that the toaster died. Shortly after that, the toilet backed up. Then one day Richard went to the washing machine to hang the clean clothes out, and water had flooded the laundry.

Richard burned himself quite badly retrieving a lamb roast from the oven. It required a visit to the emergency room for a dressing, and it left a scar on his left arm, but the burn wasn't as bad as they had at first feared, and they were told that the scarring would fade well, and be almost unnoticeable in less than five years.



Not long after that, they were both involved in a car accident when another can a red light in front of them, and barrelled into the passenger side. If they had been a mere metre further back, the car would have plowed into the place where Deanne had been sitting, and she would have been badly injured, or more likely killed. They considered themselves lucky, and Richard jokingly bought a lottery ticket to see if the adage held true. They didn't win the jackpot, but did manage to win back the price of the ticket. They laughed about it with their friends at a dinner party the following week.



Around about the same time, Richard was vacuuming in the bedroom when the vacuum cleaner sudndenly clogged up. He switched it off, and pulled apart the wand and hose to find the blockage. After some shaking, and the production of a lot of dust that, he realised grimly, would need to be vacuumed up yet again, he discovered a clutch of little dolls in the vacuum head. He tipped them out, wondering where they had come from, and sat them on the nearest piece of furniture. He put the vacuum cleaner back together and continued vacuuming, managing to whack his shins on the dressing table as he did so. It bruised quite badly, and he called himself a klutz for having done it.



Deanne unexpectedly fell pregnant, and all of a sudden the dressing table seemed to be jumping out at her all the time. She was constantly running into it, just like Richard had earlier, and her shins were a colection of colourful marks from her encounters with it. She put it down to the awkwardness that came with her expanding belly - the pregnancy books never seem to mention these things - and Richard and a friend were eventually convinved to move the offending piece of furniture. They had very little space in the tiny flat, so instead of re arranging everything, the dressing table was moved out into the garage.



The impending arrival was enough to spur Richard to start keeping an eye out for new a place to live. They put the little flat on the market, and spent the next three months in a flurry of manic house cleaning, open homes and strangers tramping through their house. Because of the conflict of interest, a colleague of Richard's represented them and it wasn't too long before he had found a buyer. With the flat sold, they began the whirlwind process of house inspections and open homes. They scoured the real estate pages of the paper, and Richard's colleagues kept their noses to the ground, trying to find something suitable for them. It was the week before the contract on the flat was going to settle, and they finally found a new, bigger house that was much closer to the beach. They made an offer, the offer was accepted, and it was only three weeks before they moved in.



Moving day was a disaster. The removalists showed up late, got lost on the way to the new house, and then dropped a box on the way in between the old kitchen and the removal truck. It was the box containing the crockery that Deanne's mother had given her for their wedding. It had been her grandmother's, and now about a third of the pieces was smashed. When Richard came into the kitchen in the new house to check on the progress of the unpacking, he found Deanne - now eight months pregnant - sitting on the floor surrounded by crumpled newspaper and broken pieces of vintage china, crying like a child. He sat on the floor and comforted her, and shortly afterwards went outside to argue with the removalists.



With all the problems they faced with the removalists, it was nearly a month before Deanne remembered the dressing table that had been languishing out in the garage at the flat. She wondered briefly what had become of that, and then thought that it was no great loss. Hopefully the new owners would find some use for it.

Behind These Eyes - Part Twenty-One

Belle came back with a bowl piled high with vanilla ice cream, a generous crown of chocolate sauce, and a topping of coloured hundreds and thousands. A spoonful had already been dug out of the side of the dessert, and Belle held a smeared spoon in her other hand. She plonked herself down in the seat opposite Alyssa, and repeated, "You sure you don't want some? It's good."
"I'm fine." Alyssa said.
"Well, okay. As long as you say so. I don't mind making more, if you want."
"It's fine," Alyssa said again, "Now get back to the story. Please?"
"Hmm. Okay. Where was I?" Belle paused, "Oh right. Well, the worries - with or without the dolls - have been around forever,"
"I think we got that bit." Alyssa pointed out.
"Yeah, I guess so. Well, the point is that the worries have been gathering for a long time. Just building up and building up. People have been releasing worries since time began, and they all end up in the same place - behind the mirror. I guess what happens then is like a ... distilling process ... of sorts."
Alysa frowned, "This sounds pretty far out there to me," she said dubiously.
"What? And the idea of a bunch of worries collecting behind a mirror and having a chat to you every so often doesn't? Wait for it Alyssa, let me explain."
"Okay, go on."
"Right, well, the worries collect up into a big bunch, and then - somehow, I'm not sure how - they distill them down into something that's not so much a worry as a ... well, a mild annoyance, I guess. Then these are sent out again and - this is where it gets kind of interesting, Liss - they get sent back to the other side of the mirror, our side of the mirror."
"And what then? We all just wander around, bumping into mild annoyances? This is crazy, Belle. I mean, the whole thing is crazy, but this is so far out there, it's just ... no, this doesn't make sense. Sorry, Belle, but I just can't believe that."
At that moment, Rudolph's head perked up under the table, and he gave a little bark. Belle heard it next, a car pulling into the driveway. Soon, ALyssa and Luke heard doors slamming, and voices drifting in from the dark. Mandy and Jamie were home.

--

Mandy fairly floated into the house, her face tanned and her hair free. She graced everyone, uncluding Rudolph a radiant smile, and then went into the bedroom to set down the overnight bag she was carrying. Jamie followed her, looking relaxed and happy, despite his pink sunburnt ears, and carrying the rest of the gear. He said a cheery hello to everyone, and shook Luke's hand. When the bags were dropped, and Mandy and Jamie had made it back into the dining room, they both dropped into chairs with visible relief after the hours of driving. Belle offered ice cream, but no one took her up on the offer. Alyssa didn't bother asking, she just went and put the kettle on. By the time she arrived back in the dining room, with mugs for everyone, Mandy had already launched into an excited account of everythignt hat had happened on the trip.

--

When the story ahd been told, and the coffee drunk, and Mandy had promised - again - that she would upload the photos to the computer tomorrow for them, Jamie asked what they ahd been up to while they were away. Alyysa glanced at Belle and watched in shock as Belle said, "Well, it's funny you should ask, actually,"
Mandy raised an eyebrow, and then followed it with a hand, palm out in a stop sign, "If this is about worry dolls, I'm not interested right now."
"Mum ..." Belle said ominously.
"Well, I'm just not. I'll talk to you about it tomorrow if it's that important. But not right now."
Belle knew better than to push Mandy once she got that tone of voice on, so she dropped the subject. Alyssa felt relieved, even though she knew it was ony postponing the inevitable.
"Well, I should get home, I guess. My goldfish haven't been fed all weekend." Luke pushed out his chair, and stood to go. He gave Alyssa a chaste kiss on the cheek, and rech over to shake Jamie's hand again, "Welcome back, I'm glad you had a good time." he said politely, and with that, he was gone. Moments later, the sound of his car starting drifted to them and then even that was gone. Alyssa frowned.
"Did he just say that he had to feed his goldfish?" Belle pointed out disengenously.
"Yeah, I believe he did." Alyssa mumbled. "He doesn't even own any goldfish."

--

Mandy and Jamie made their excuses and ambled off to bed shortly after Luke's suspicious exit, and Belle and Alyssa tackled the mountain of washing up that had been left all weekend. Alyssa washed, and Belle dried. Alyssa took the opportunity to pick up from where she had left off when Mandy and Jamie arrived home.
"HOw have you come with this idea, then, Belle?" she asked.
"What idea?"
"The idea that these worries are ... what was the word you used? Distilled. The worries are distilled into what was it?"
"Minor annoyances."
"Yeah, minor annoyances. Where'd this idea come from?"
Belle shrugged, "Same place they all come from. What I get from the one is more than just the conversation. When I work out a little bit of the puzzle, like the hosts, then I can understand a little bit more - like the distilling."
Alyssa paused with her hands dangling in the sink, soap dripping from her fingertips, "Okay, so, presuming that I believe that these worries get distilled into ..."
"Minor annoyances." Belle interjected.
"... get distilled into minor annoyances, what happens to them then?"
"Well," Belle started slowly, "that's where the host comes in. They get pushed back out to the host."
"But I thought that the host was where the worries were coming from."
"Ah, no, you're wrong there. The worries come from everywhere, all around, all the time, everyone, everwhere. They're constant. That's why I said distilled, because they don't just reduce in emotion, they reduce in size, in quantity, as well."
"Okay, so these distilled worries get pushed back out the host. Is that all the host is good for?"
"Pretty much. You see, the one can't process the emotional energy that comes from the worries. The worries themselves stay, sort of like creatures of some sort, the idea of them never really leaves. But the emotional energy gets drawn out of them, and sent back out to the host. The host can process that energy, and send it back out into the world." Belle paused and thought for a second before adding,"Kind of like trees and photo ... what is it?"
"Photosynthesis." Alyssa said vaguely, she was still trying to work through the idea of distilling.
"Photosynthesis, yeah. The way the trees go through that process, and release oxygen back into the air, that's kind of like the worries. Because the worries - and the one - can't handle all that emotional energy, they put it back out into the world, to be recycled."
"Hmmmm. Well it makes a certain amount of sense," Alussa grudgingly admitted, "I still think it's pretty far fetched though. And what has it got to do with us anyway?"
"I don't think it's us," Belle said, her voice low, "I think it's Mum. I think she's the host."

--

"The host of what?" a voice send behind them. Alyssa dropped the plate she was washing back into the water, and a tidal wave of grotty washing up water slopped over the front of her t shirt, "Mum!" she said in surprise.
"Yeah, Mum," Mandy said dryly. She walked the rest of the way into the kitchen and pressed the button on the kettle. The silence that had descended was suddenly filled by the sound of the water heating in the jug. Mandy reached up to get a mug, and then dropped a teabag into it. "So, are you going to tell me what I'm hosting, then, or not?"
"I, uh ..." stammered Alyssa, "We were ... ummm. Belle?"
"We were talking about the worry dolls." Belle said in her usual blunt fashion.
"Oh my, not the worry dolls again." Mandy sighed, "I went on holidays to try and get away from this, and I found it's all you two have been thinking about all weekend. Don't you have better things to do with your time?"
"Mum," Belle interjected, "I think you need to listen to this though ..."
"No." Mandy interupted, "No, I don't need to listen to you, you two need to listen to me for a ..."
"Mum!" Belle yelled suddenly, "Mum. This is important. We can make the dolls go away. Do you hear me? We can make them go away. But we can't do it without you, so you need to listen to us." she dropped her voice again, "You need to trust us, and stop trying to run away from this situation."
Mandy, taken by surprise, dropped her voice slightly too, but hers was menacing, not conforting, "Belle, Alyssa, I love you both, but we need to stop talking about this. It's going to send me around the twist. It very nearly has already. Jamie and I were talking about it ..."
"It won't go away on it's own, Mum, it'll keep getting worse." Belle said queitly.
"Belle's right, Mum. It's not going to get better. I've seen the dolls, I've seen what they do to Belle, and I've seen what tey do to you. But I've been beyond the mirror too, and I know that we can make it go away. But you need to listen to Belle. She has the answers, and she can make it happen."
Mandy got the look of wildlife caught in headlights, and suddenly her defences dropped. Her shoulders sagged, and the lines around her eyes reappeared underneath her fresh tan, "Okay." she said finally, "I'm going to make a cup of tea, and then we're going to sit down at the table. You will both then have an hour to make me believe that what you're saying is true. Am I understood?"
Both girls nodded mutely, and both wondered how they were ever going to convince their mother that what they said was true, they hardly believed it themselves.

Behind These Eyes - Part Twenty

When finally they got Alyssa moving, Belle was impatient to get it done. She could sense that she was getting closer to the real information now, and she was hoping that it was all going to become clear with this final trip behind the mirror. Belle and Rudolph led the way into the house, and through to the dining room - the kicking off point into the bedroom, and the mirror. She stopped, reiterated the instructions to Luke, which consisted of little more than "you'll just know when", and grabbed Alyssa's hand. Alyssa squeezed it, and together they walked into the room.

--

Still holding hands, the two sisters stood in front the mirror. Rudolph took up his customary position on Belle's other side, leaning lightly against her leg. His breathing was rapid, Belle noticed, but then noticed that so was her own. Alyssa seemed calm, but her palm, entwined with Belle's own, was damp and clammy. Quietly as first, but with growing confidence, they began to chant:
"I had a little dolly
I told it my little worry
But then it went red
And now they're all dead
I'm so terribly sorry
I had a little ..."
The vision came suddenly this time. One moment it was black, and then, like being struck by a bolt of lightning, she could see. Belle blinked, becoming accustomed to the sudden light. She glanced at Alyssa, and noticed that her face had gone slack. Theire hands were still held, and Belle noticed that Alyssa's - warm and damp before - was suddenly dry and slightly cool. She was just beginning to wonder where Luke was when she saw (saw!) him hovering at the door. She beckoned very slightly with her free hand, and he smiled and walked in. He stood slightly behind them and then, with Belle's gesture, stepped in between her and her sister. He took each of their wrists gently, and pulled their hands apart, not breaking their link, but stretching it by adding himself in between. Suddenly, Belle's vision doubled slightly - she was picking up Alyssa's as well as Luke's, she realised. She blinked a few more times, and slowly her new found sight came back into focus. Occasionally it would double again, and sometimes even triple as she picked up on Rudolph's smell-sight, but then it would coalesce into a single image. Before too long, she started to see the faces in the mirror, slowly becoming that by now familiar face - the one.

--

Hello Belle, Rudolph. And Alyssa. Who is this?
This is Luke.
Luke. Hello Luke.
Ah, hello. Hi.
Belle, you are to ask for some answers.
Yes, I am.
I know. I have offered you many answers so far, Belle.
Yes, you have. And for that, I thank you. I wish to know more.
You wish to know more. And how much do you know, now?
I know many things. I know who you are, and I know why you are here. I do not know where you are from, or why. I do not know where you go, or why you go, or how you go. I do not know how I can help you.
That is a lot of questions, Belle.
Yes, it is.
We are from - forever. We are here because - always. We go to - eternity. We go for - life. We go as we always go - with the mirror. You can help us - by moving the mirror to the next host.
Your answers make little sense to me. Where do you want the mirror moved to?
You can not move the mirror.
But I ... I don't understand.
No. You don't. But you will.
Help me to understand.
Only you can help you to understand, Belle.
Yes, as you have told me before.
As I have told you before. Very good.
Thank you.
Farewell, Belle.
Farewell.

--

Together, all four of them - the three humans and the one canine - blinked, and foudn themselves back in the reality of the bedroom. Belle's new ofund sight blinked back into darkness, and normality was restored yet again. They had all heard the one speak, the strange conversation that had taken place between it (they) and Belle. Alyssa and Luke felt just as confused as they had been before. Belle however was ecstatic, "The one has never spoken that clearly before, wow! I think we should write this down. I need my laptop. Hold on." with that, Belle took off at a trot to retrieve her computer from the bedroom. When she returned, she handed the laptop to her sister and said, "You type, Liss. You're faster." and they settled at the kitchen table.

--

When they had the conversation - as best as they could remember - written down, Alyssa had the text to speech program read it back to them. The computerised voice made the words lose their magic, and they just became confusing, seemingly understandable.
""You can help us by moving the mirror to the next host."" Belle quoted aloud, "At first I thought the one meant moving the mirror to somewhere else in the house or something. But now I'm wondering about the word "host". What does "host" mean?"
Alyysa, thinking out loud, said, "A host might be the person who holds a party, it could be something a parasite is on - a dog or a person or something like that. I guess it's, well, it's someone that provides something to someone else. A party, a meal, a habitat."
"A parasite ..." Belle echoed, lost in thought.
"Do you think the ... the one ... needs a host?" Luke said thoughtfully, "Maybe the one needs ... something. Like a parasite, or a party guest, they need whatever it is the host can give to them."
"Yeah," Belle echoed, "If the one - the worries - are a parasite, they need something from us. We already know that, I guess. So we're the host. They need a new host."
"We need to give the mirror to someone else." Alyssa said triumphantly.
"Yeah." Luke agreed.
"But who?" Belle asked, "And if we can't move it, who can?"

--

Alyssa connected Belle's computer to the printer, and printed off the conversation. Belle harnessed Rudolph and, with the piece of paper in hand, they wandered down to the cafe for breakfast. It was still early in the morning, and being a Monday there were few patrons in the cafe. They were shown a seat near the big glass doors that overlooked the deck. They were glad to be inside in the warmth, as they watched the wind whip up frothy white tops on the breakers coming in to the beach. Winter had arrived. They ordered, and the food arrived quickly. Over eggs benedict, pancakes and strong, aromatic coffee they laid out the now crumpled piece of paper, and tried to derive more meaning out of it. The only conclusions they reached were pure speculation, though, and by the time Belle slopped maple syrup onto the paper, obliterating much of the type, they knew it off by heart, but still understood virtually nothing.

--

When they got home, all three decided to have a snooze. Rudolph crept into his bed in the corner of Belle's room, and Alyssa and Luke retired to the flat. When Belle awoke, it was still only 10 o'clock in the morning, and she decided to go back in, with Rudolph only. She shook him awake.

--

Alyssa and Luke made love, and afterwards, fell asleep in each other's arms. Some time later, they woke up together, and made love again. Alyssa felt relieved that they had gotten through their first argument, and made it to the other side.

--

When Alyssa and Luke finally emerged from the flat, freshly showered and inseperable, they were surprised to find Belle still in bed, Rudolph curled up in his bed beside her. Alyssa wondered if they should try and wake her, they were running out of time before Mandy and Jamie arrived back. Luke suggested timidly that maybe they should attempt to contact the one on their own and Alyssa, whose memory was still fresh of what happened last time se had tried to take charge, glared at him, "No way. I'm not trying that again."

They were discussing dinner options, assuming that Mandy adn Jamie would be back late, and Belle would be starving, when Belle suddenly bounced into the room, Rudolph at her heels. Alyssa jumped, then smiled, "Hey, Sis"
"Hello, hello!" Belle fairly bubbled, and trotted into the kitchen. Alyssa could hear her scrabbling in the fridge for drinks, and called out, "Do you need a hand?"
"Nope." Belle replied, her voice muffled byt the fridge, "I'm all good."
Shortly after, Belle emerged with a glass of coke and a ham and cheese sandwich. Rudolph was licking his lips, and Alyssa suspected he had been slipped bits of ham as well. He's been working hsard too though, she thought, and guessed that he, at least on some level, deserved it.
"I'm starving," Belle said, her mouth half full of bread.
"Yeah, thought you might be. We were thinking that we might order pizza for dinner."
Belle made a face, "Nah, let's cook. There's stuff in the fridge isn't there?"
Alyssa frowned, "No, if you're cooking, you'll need my help, and I couldn't be bothered. Besides, don't you want to go and look in the mirror again?"
"Nope." Belle said brightly, "Well, maybe once more, but I need to take Mum."
Alyssa looked incredulous, but before she could speak, Belle went on, "I'm pretty sure I've got it sussed. Come on, help me cook some spaghetti bolognaise, and while we're doing it, I'll tell all."

--

Alyssa agreed, but Belle danced and darted about the issue as they cooked, instead managing to distract her with jokes and stupid stories. Luke hung around in the background, trying not to get in the way, and laughed along with them.

--

When dinner had been cooked and served, and they had all eaten plenty - Belle had three plates full, and even Rudolph got a small amount of mince on top of his regular dog food - they sat around the table, still avoiding the issue. Alyssa was expecting that the door would open at any minute. She wondered if Belle was delaying the issue, waiting for them to get home, or just though reluctance. Eventually, she asked the question out loud.
Belle shrugged in response, "It's still unformed, I guess. But I guess I can tell you most of it."
Alyssa waited for her to go on and, when she didn't, she prompted her, "Well, go on then,"
Belle was silent for a few minutes longer, gathering her thoughts, that were stringing out like beads on a broken necklace, trying to gather the neckace up without losing all the beads, and find the ones that had slipped away. Eventually, she took a breath, and began, "Well, the worries have existed since, well, forever. Like the one said."
Alyssa nodded, remembering "We are from forever. We go to eternity." she said softly.
Belle smiled, "Yeah, "we are from forever". They have existed forever, since before some villagers in Guatemala created worry dolls from scraps of cloth and little twigs. The worry dolls just gave them form. A form that people would understand, and could use. But the point is that worries have always existed, and they always will. Humans, no matter how advanced they are, will always have things to worry about. They might be worrying about the wheel falling off the buggy, or a horse going lame, or they could be worrying about their laptop being stolen, or someone getting promoted ahead of them at work. Maybe one day those worries will be running out of rocket fuel in the space ship, or some other astronaut forgotting to put the seat down up in the space station central. You get the idea, anyway." Belle paused, "Does anyone else want ice-cream?"
"Belle!" Alyssa cried, indignant.
"It's okay," Belle said, rising, "just let me get ice cream, I'll come back. You want some?" she asked, already in the kitchen.

Behind These Eyes - Part Nineteen

They all tramped into the flat, incredulous, and Belle stretched out on the futon while Alyssa and Luke wandered around looking, unsuccesfully, for stray worry dolls, with dubious help from Rudolph. Eventually, when they had not found a single one, Luke perched near Belle's feet on the futon, and Alyssa decided to make popcorn. With the smell of butter and salt drifting into the air, and the popping of the kernels in the bag noisy in the otherwise silent room, the three of them avoided each others' eyes, uncertain how to bring the feeling in the room back to normal. It was only when Alyssa brought the popcorn bowl out of the kitchen, put it between Belle and Luke on the futon, and settled herself on the floor, that the silence was broken, "So, Belle," Alyssa said, as she stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth, "Perhaps we should update Luke on happenings?" It was only then, as Alyssa looked to her sister for her opinion, that they realised she had fallen asleep, mimicking her dog that lay beside her on the floor, also dead to the world. Alyssa and Luke looked at each other and laughed, and eventually decided to pull the floor cushions out from the reading nook, and watch a movie while they waited for her to wake up.

--

When Belle did wake up, the movie was coming to an end, and Luke and Alyssa were entwined on the cushions, asleep, their breathing deep, even, and almost perfectly synchronised. Belle had that energised feeling again, and she swung her feet to the floor and stood up all in a rush. She padded over to the toilet and, when she came back in, Luke was sitting up on the floor, Alyssa still asleep beside him, "Hey Belle," he said softly, to let her know he was awake.
Belle smiled, "Hey Luke," she parodied.
"Feeling better?"
"Yup."
"Excellent. Can I, ah, make you a coffee ... or something?"
"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks." she replied. She stepped cautiously past the prone form of her sister on the floor, grabbed the blanket off the futon, and headed out of the front door. When Luke joined her, steaming mugs in hand, she was sitting on the step, wrapped in the blanket, breathing deeply, her face turned up to the night air.

--

Luke settled beside her, wrapping his jacket around himself to ward off the chill in the air. There was no moon tonight, the only light that cast from the door behind them, affording him no more than a few metres of vision. He wondered idly, and not for the first time, what it was like in Belle's world, to not have even this much vision, to be caught in a permanent and unrelenting blackout. He couldn't imagine it.
"The other night, you said something, and I have been thinking about that."
Belle said nothing, waiting for him to elaborate. The silence hung between them like a physical thing.
"I ... um. You said that when you look in the mirror you can see, and I was wondering what you meant by that."
Belle remained silent, and only when it appeared that he was being serious, and expecting a serious answer, did she say shortly, "I meant I could see."
The silence grew. Eventually, Belle decided to elaborate, "I mean, normally I can't. When I look in the mirror, and talk to the one, I can see. Like, stuff. Whatever. Like you do."
"I don't ... I don't understand." Luke stammered, clearly uncomfortable with this admission.
Belle frowned, "I don't know how else to explain it, Luke. Are you dense on purpose, or what? Normally, I can't see anything - nothing at all, just blackness. When I go to the mirror, and I speak to the one, or the one speaks to me, I can see. I can see the room, the mirror, the images in the mirror. I can see the people who are in the room with me. I can see. How else can I explain this?"
"So when you say you can see, you mean you an actually, like, see stuff? I thought you might have meant it, I don't know, like metaphorically or something. That's ... wow. That's weird."
"You're telling me." Belle said dryly.
"Who's the one?" Luke asked abruptly.
"The one? The one in the mirror. The mirror is full of worry dolls, and of the worries they hold. The one is all of them, all at once. The one can explain it, all of it, and the one is the thing that's going to help me understand it. I think."
Luke nodded, and the two of them lapsed back into silence.

--

Belle and Luke were still sitting in a companiable silence, the coffees now consumed, when the door cracked open behind them and Alyssa peered out, her hair messy and her face rumpled. "Oh, here you both are," she mumbled in a sleep-riddled voice, "I was wondering what had become of you both."
Luke stood, and hugged her, kissed the top of her head, and bundled her back into the flat, mumbling something about keeping her warm. Alyssa allowed herself to be taken back inside. After a few minutes, Belle followed them in, saying "What happened to the popcorn?"
"We ate it." Alyssa pointed out, "Hours ago."
"Damn. Got any more?"
Alyssa thought briefly before saying, "Yeah, I think there's another packet in there. I bought a box of them not that long ago."
Belle went to the kitchenette, started opening cupboards and ratting through them, feeling a packet of microwave popcorn, until Alyssa came in behind her and said impatiently, "You'll have everything on the floor doing that Belle, here let me look."
Belle, mission accomplished, went back into the loungeroom and sat down on the futon, legs crossed. She leant over and gave Rudolph, who was still sleeping soundly on the floor, a pat, and he didn't budge under her hand. She smiled to herself.
"Well," she said as soon as she heard Alyssa put the popcorn into the microwave, "I think I've got the beginnings of an idea."
Neither Alyssa nor Luke said anything, but she could tell that suddenly, and possibly like never before, she had their full rapt attention, and she gave another smile.
"Yeah, I think I'm starting to understand waht's going on. But I need to look in the mirror again. This time, Alyssa, I need you to come with me."
"Ahh, Okay. I guess. Are you going to tell us the plan first?"
"No." Belle said simply, "I think you'll understand better if you hear it from the one. Luke, will you join us?"
"Err. I guess so." he stammered, taken by surprise.
"Great! What you will need to do is wait until Alyssa and I are in, with Rudolph, and then come and hold our hands, and will bring you in with us, but no earlier, okay?"
"Ah, okay. Yeah, I guess I can do that. How will I know when though?"
The microwave beeped, and Belle waited while she listened to Belle tip the hot popcorn into the bowl, her mouth watering at the smell, and then smiled in Luke's direction, "It's okay," she said finally, "You'll just know."

--

Belle sat cross legged on the futon, the popcorn bowl balanced delicately on her ankles, and shoved handfuls into her mouth as she spoke, "Okay, the thing is this, the one only exists when the dolls - well the worries, the dolls aren't really there, it's more the worries - need it to. So it seems as though they've needed something for a while, I'm not quite sure what it is, but it's something important, and they're getting impatient. I know they've been trying to get to Mum, but I think the problem is that Mum can't - or won't maybe? - let them talk to her or, whatever it is that they need to do. So they discovered, somehow, I don't know how, that they could talk to me instead. Or maybe it's Rudolph. Could be both of us. Anyway, I tried to contact them without Rudolph, but it didn't work. At first I thought it was because you weren't there, Alyssa, but that can't be right, because I've done it without you since then. It might have been because Jamie was there ... anyway. It doesn't matter, I guess. The point is that they can contact me and, even though it's taking a while, gradually I'm starting to get more and more of the story." she paused in this monologue to feed more popcorn into a mouth, and was still munching as she continued, "So anyway, the one - the worries - have been around for ... well, forever, maybe, or a long time, anyway. People let their worries go, I don't know if the worries are always told to a doll, or if that bit is only the legend, not the fact, but anyway, people let their worries go ... into the mirror I guess, into wherever it is that the worries are, that the one is. I think when there's too many worries, they kind of build up like ... like the steam when you boil water in a saucepan with the lid on. So the worries have to go somewhere, and I think they sort of become more ... powerful, somehow. I don't know what's supposed to happen then, but that's the point that they're at now, and, well, something is going to happen. I think we need to find out what. And what the hell we're supposed to be doing about it. So, I want us all to go to the one, and ask it - her, them, whatever. I can't have more than one person there when I go in though, other than Rudolph of course, and that has to be you, Alyssa, but I'll be able to bring Luke in later on, I think. Well, I'll try, anyway." Belle pushed another handful of popcorn into her mouth, and realised that Rudolph had woken up at the sound of his name, and was sitting eagerly beside her. It seemed as though he had gotten an energy burst from the sleep as well. "So, anyway, you ready?"
"Ready?" Alyssa echoed stupidly, still trying to take in the wad of information that Belle had just landed on her, "What? Now? You want to go now?"
Belle nodded happily, her mouth full.
"It's nearly three in the morning, though Belle!" Alyssa exclaimed.
Belle shrugged and smiled slightly, "It's all the same to me. Why are sighted people so finicky about the time always?" the corner of her mouth curled up with the irony.
"Because light is important to some of us," Alyssa grumbled, "And so is sleep. Let's all get another few hours sleep, then we can go exploring behind the mirror. I made you popcorn, the least you could so is let me sleep." With that, Alyssa shooed Belle over to one side of the bed, and climbed in under the doona herself, "Now stop talking, and leave me alone for a while."
Belle moved over, affording her sister some room, and Luke curled up on the throw cushions again. Long after both Luke and Alyssa had fallen asleep, Belle and Rudolph lay awake, Rudolph waiting patiently for the humans to wake up, and Belle's mind racing with thoughts. Eventually, she too dozed.

--

When eventually the three of them woke, much to Rudolph's delight, Alyssa insisted on coffee and breakfast before she went anywhere. Belle and Luke both agreed with the coffee, but convinced Alyssa that they would go out for breakfast to her favourite cafe on the beach, immediately after they had glanced into the mirror. Belle was starting to grow impatient. Over the drinks, Alyssa asked Belle to reiterate exactly how she wanted to run things. There was no doubt that Belle was leading the show now. Belle carefully explained the process she wanted to follow, her enthusiasm tempered somewhat from the night before, and having returned to her normally slightly taciturn self. Rudolph sat at their feet, and paced around the flat by turns. Luke got up and opened the door for him, and the dog headed out and relieved himself, ran around a little in the yard, and then came back in on ly slightly calmer than he had been before. Rudolph knew that this was going to be something big, and he was acting as though he just wanted to get it started, so that they could get it over. Belle was feeling much the same way.

Behind These Eyes - Part Eighteen

Alyssa made the drinks, and Belle slumped at the table, her mind still whirling with all the things that she had learnt. Just like before, she had been given a great lump of information, but not the means to be able to understand it all. She knew that Alyssa was burning to know what had happened, but that she was too ashamed of her most recent behaviour to be able to demand that Belle tell her all about it. She wondered how she was going to work out what she had to do before her mother and Jamie got back. She was running out of time.

--

Over coffee, Belle agreed to help Alyssa out with the cleaning up of the flat. She wasn't sure how she could help, but she guessed she could push a broom, or at least offer moral support. Or something. She guessed it was a good idea to do this before Mandy and Jamie arrived back home, anyway, and apparently it was already late in the day. She had been in front of the mirror for quite some time, it seemed. Belle could feel Alyssa's eyes burning her, wanting to know more, and eventually Alyssa worked up the courage to ask, "So, what happened in there ... before?"
Belle gave a sigh, "Look, I don't know that there's anything I can tell you. It's strange, I get given these lumps of information. It's like ... imagine a big ball of chewing gum, that's gotten stuck in your hair. You can't just rip it out, you need to untangle it slowly, from the outside in to the middle. I don't know how to disentangle that big knot. I don't know how to find out what's in the middle.
"You cut blobs of chewing gum out of your hair, you don't disentangle them."
Belle's lips straightened into a frustrated line, and before she could speak, Alyssa interrupted, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. That was mean."
Belle sighed again, "It's okay. I know it's frustrating for you, but it is for me too. I need to think about this for a while, I think a sleep will help. I feel really whacked out. But I always seem to feel a lot better after a sleep."
Alyssa nodded sadly, even though Belle couldn't see it, and then said suddenly, "What's it like, Belle? When you ... go in to the mirror?"
"I don't know if I woudl call it going in to the mirror, it's more like ..." she paused, thinking, "It's more like they come out to me. Well, the one does. But the one is made up of the many." she gave a laugh, "that sounds stupid."
Alyssa was thoughtful, a memory had occurred to her all of a sudden, "No," she said slowly, "It's not stupid. I remember that. A face, in the mirror, that was made up of ... smaller faces. Not just faces, either, hands and mouths and eyes and people, changing, changing into things. From good things to bad things and sad thing to happy things."
By this time, Belle was nodding. That was exactly what it was.
"So who are they, Belle? Who are those people? And who is the one?"
Belle raised a hand in a stop sign, "Slow down. One question at a time. The people, the small faces in the mirror, are the worries that the worry dolls hold. Or, more to the point, they are the people who have had the worries. The changes in them are the worries themselves." Belle shook her head, "That doesn't make much sense. The idea is that the people who worry, they worry about changes in their normal lives. Like, they worry that someone who is happy is going to suddenly be unhappy, or that the smile they see is a lie, or that they are healthy now, but won't be very long, or they are sick but instead of getting better, they might die. Does that make sense?"
"Strangely enough, yeah, it does make a kind of sense."
"The one is ... I'm not sure. The one is like a collective consious, maybe, of all the dolls, and all the worries. It's like a ... a guiding force for them, or something."
When Belle stopped, Alyssa said nothing, she was taking it all in. Eventually, she raised her head, and looked at her sister again, "Why are they in the mirror?"
Belle shrugged, "No idea. Not even an inkling." she paused, "How about ordering that chinese meal? And waking me up when it gets here?"
Alyssa chuckled, "Okay, but you have to promise to help me clean up after dinner."
Belle smiled, "Sure. But I want sleep and duck first."
"You're on."

--

When Belle woke up, she felt marginally better, although she realised that she what she really needed was a full night's sleep. She guessed she would get it soon enough. For now, though, the smell of soy sauce and jasmine rice was drifting through the house, and it was making her stomach rumble. She padded out to the kitchen, for once without a trailing dog. He was still asleep on his bed in the corner of the room, snoring softly in his doggy dreams.

Alyssa was paying the woman who had made the delivery out of the money that Jamie had left for them under a magnet on the fridge. She thanked Alyssa and left, and Alyssa brought the bag into the dining room. Belle was already assembling plates with chopsticks for Alyssa, and a fork for herself. Behind blind did not make the use of chopsticks easy, so she chose to forgo them in preference of being able to actually eat something. They sat at the table and Alyssa pulled things open, explaining to Belle what they were as she did so. Belle munched on a dim sim as this was happening, and as soon as Alyssa had everything open she dove in. She was starving.

When the phone rang, she ignored it. Alyssa got up to answer and Belle continued eating.

--

"Hello?"
"Hi Liss, it's Mum."
"Oh hey Mum, how's the holiday?"
"Good! Really good. The weather is lovely, it's been good to just relax."
"That's great, Mum, I'm glad you're having a good time. So are you coming back tonight?"
"No, that's partly why I'm calling. We thought we might come back tomorrow night instead. Will you girls be okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine. We're just having dinner now."
"Ah great. What are you having?"
"Belle wanted Mongolian Duck, so I ordered Chinese for her."
"Excellent. Excellent. So, um, how's everything been ... otherwise?"
"Good Mum. Great. We've just been sitting around watching DVDs today. We've been relaxing too. The weather's pretty cold and miserable."
"Oh I see. Well, that sounds alright. Can you make sure that Belle gets to school alright in the morning?"
"Mum, she's fifteen. I think she can get herself ready for school, don't you?"
"Heh, yeah, I guess so. I forget sometimes, how grown up you both are now. Okay, well, behave yourselves, and we'll see you tomorrow night. Make sure you call me if you need anything."
"Sure Mum, of course. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. And stop worrying about us."
"Ha! I'll never stop worrying about you two. See you tomorrow, Liss. Love you.
"Love you too, Mum. Bye"
"Say love you to Belle, as well, okay?"
"Of course Mum. Bye."
"Bye"

--

"Mum says she loves you" Alyssa reported dutifully.
"Oh right." Belle muttered through a mouthful of duck, she swallowed and asked, "When are they coming back?".
"Tomorrow night, she said."
"Excellent." Belle said brightly, "I need an excuse to stay home from school tomorrow then, unless I suddenly work out what this thing is about in the next hour or so."
"Why?" Alyssa asked, frowning.
"Well, I know that Mum's involved somehow, but I don't know how. And I want to try and work it out before they get back. I think I'm going to have to approach Mum pretty carefully, whatever I have to talk to her about. She seems just seems so ... fragile right now."
"Yeah, you're right," Alyssa agreed, thoughtfully, "She sounded as though she wanted to know what had happened with the worry dolls, but like she wasn't quite brave enough to ask. I didn't tell her anything," she hastened to add, "I told her we'd been watching DVDs all day. She did say to make sure you got to school alright in the morning though."
Belle raised an eyebrow over a mouthful of rice.
"Yeah, I know. I told her you were old enough to get yourself to school these days."
"Too right." Belle mumbled indignantly.

--

After dinner, they packed the dirty plates into the kitchen sink, but didn't wash up. Alyssa made Belle promise to do it tomorrow, in return for her not telling their mother about her missing school tomorrow. Belle, all too readily, agreed. Together, they traispsed out to Alyssa's flat to clean up. Rudolph had woken up in time to join them, and now walked out between the two girls. The had barely stepped outside when Alyssa suddenly stopped. Belle frowned at her, "What is it?" she asked.
Alyssa swallowed, as though she was nervous, "Luke's here." she said shortly, nervously.
"Oh good," Belle said guilelessly, and continued to walk towards the flat, "he can help us clean up the dolls."

--

Belle waited at the door of the flat, Rudolph at her feet, for Alyssa to catch up. Partly, she didn't want to walk in without someone to tell her where the dolls were on the floor, but mostly, she wanted to hear what happened between Luke and her sister.

--

Alyssa waited where she was for Luke to come up to her. She had no idea what she felt in this matter yet. She wasn't ready for a confrontation, and she wasn't sure if he was coming bearing an apology or an argument. She tried to steel herself for either. He unfolded his lanky body from the driver's seat, but kept his eyes down. She tried to work out if the lack of eye contact was from anger or shame, but couldn't decide. She watched him walk towards her, willing him to lift his eyes, and eventually he did. The hang dog look in them nearly broke her heart.
"Hi." he said softly as he got closer.
"Hi yourself." she replied, just as softly.
"How are you?" he asked, out of politemess, but also to put off the words he knew he had to say.
"Good thanks." she responded, formally, although the flash in her eyes as she said it belied the words the spoke.
"That's good." He paused, "I came to say I'm ... came to say that I'm sorry."
Alyssa nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak, and dropped her own eyes from his gaze. Softly, with tears threatening to choke her, she said "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have," she swallowed, trying to remove the lump from her throat, "I shouldn't have, yelled at you."
"You didn't yell at me. You were yelling at the situation. I'm sorry I took off. I was angry."
Alyssa shrugged, and Luke caught her shoulders as she did so, and pulled her in to him.
"I love you, Liss." he mumbled into her hair.
Alyssa let the tears flow, then.

--

Alyssa finally broke away from the embrace, scrubbed at her face, and sniffed.
"I have a very messy flat." she said finally.
Luke laughed, "Yeah, I guess you do."
"Belle was going to help," Alyssa looked up at her sister, who was standing at the door to the flat and pretending she wasn't listening, "But I'm not sure how useful she'll be. She's dead tired too, she's been at the mirror most of the day."
"I'll help you," Luke said, "Maybe she can lie on the futon and tell us about what she's been seeing."
"Yeah, maybe. She hasn't told me much so far, but I've been such a bitch to everyone today, I haven't wanted to press too hard. Mind you, she says she hasn't worked it all out yet."
"I say we go clean up, and just let her talk if she wants to talk. Come on."
Luke took Alyssa's hand, and led her to the door of the flat. It surprised both of them when the door was opened, and the flat was devoid of a single doll. Even the salad bowl stood empty.

Behind These Eyes - Part Seventeen

Belle had been thinking durign class, and realised that part of the problem she had experienced was that she couldn't unravel the voices of the dolls - if that is where those voices were coming from - and the voices of Alyssa and Jamie. It was like trying to listen to three conversations at once, but, somehow it was different to that too. More like trying to listen to three streams of consciousness at once. There was too much detail - and too much sensory input. She was getting thoughts and ideas, smell and touch, all in one big package. When she tried to sort through it, to find the narrative that she needed to be able to make sense of it all, she couldn't find the end of the piece of string. It was like a big ball of sticky spaghetti. No matter how much she dag through it to find the main string, the ball got more and more complex, more tightly wrapped up, and more impenetrable. She had wondered if, by reducing the number of people feeding information to her, she could help to cut through it. She didn't want to go alone though, because there was something in her that realised that the images in the mirror were important.

--

Jamie got up and made another cup of coffee, and by the time the two cups had been finished, Jamie had claimed defeat. They packed up the game and as he put the lid on the box, Jamie looked up, "When?" he asked.
Belle thought for a minute and then said, "Now."
Jamie frowned, "What about your mother?"
"How out of it is she?"
"Hmmm." Jamie sighed, "Yeah, she's pretty out of it."
"So. Now, then?"
Jamie hesitated, then nodded in agreement, "Yeah, okay. No time like the present, huh?"
Belle raised a corner of her mouth in a cheeky smile, "Gee, thanks, Jamie, you didn't have to get me a present. It's not even my birthday."
"Ha, ha." Jamie deadpanned.

--

Belle led, just like last time, but she didn't move as cautiously as she had that time. She crept into the room, listenign for her mother, and hearing only the very barest of breathing - steady and slow - Jamie was right, she thought, her mother was really out of it. She hoped she was alright, and then turned her attention to the mirror, the worries, and the dolls. She concenrated hard to block out Jamie behind her, her mother prone in the bed, and tried to just clear her mind. She was in front of the dressing table now, she could reach out her hand and brush the cold glass with her fingertips. Slowly, she began to mutter under her breath, trying not to think too much about what she was saying, letting the dolls - or whoever - speak through her, use her mouth to communicate whatever they needed to tell her.
"I had a little dolly," she began, "I told it my worry. And then it went red, and now they're all dead. I am so terribly sorry. I had a little dolly, I told it my worry ..." she continued on, but felt nothing. In fact, she started to just feel a little bit silly. She became conscious of Jamie standing behine her, watching her, watching the mirror. She stopped, abruptly, and turned to him, "Can you see anything?"
"No, nothing." Jamie replied.
"There's nothing there. They are not there."
Jamie paused, thinking, and eventualy nodded and said, "Yeah, I think you're right." He turned to look at Mandy and then asked Belle softly, "Do you think it's ... it's because of Mandy?"
Belle frowned and shook her head, "No, I dont' think so." She paused again and then realised something, "I think it's because of Alyssa."
"Alyssa?"
"Yeah, I think they want her. I don't think they want me."
"They? Want who? Why?" Jamie stammered.
Belle shrugged her shoulders, and headed outside, calling for Rudolph.

--

Belle found Rudolph sitting outside near his bowl, but he jumped up when Belle arrived, and offered his head for a pat. Belle obliged, and decided to head out to the flat to see if Alyssa was around. She knocked at the dor, but there was no answer.

--

Alyssa and Luke were out having dinner. They had emerged from bed sometime in the middle of the afternoon and then decided they were both hungry. Luke had driven them to a Chinese restaurant in the main shopping strip that ran parrallel to the beach. They were laughing over the chopsticks as Alyssa tried to teach him how to use them, and Luke sent various pieces of Dim Sim and stir fry all over the table cloth. Eventually, after complaining that he was starving, he resorted to a spoon, watching Alyssa enviously. She laughed and showed off, and ended up flicking rice all over the place. Laughing, she started picking up individual grains of rice and feeding them to him.

Worry dolls were the furthest thing from their minds.

--

Jamie decided to leave the bed to Mandy, and sleep on the couch. He slept in fits and starts, his dreams plagued by reflections and mysterious little worry dolls. He relived the old man's death a million times over (more), never being able to do anything to help him. He relived the moment that the mirror went cloudy the other night, and saw the faces, but the prominent one was of the old man, struggling on the bed that his wife now slept - catatonic - in. When, at last, the first streaks of light were showing in the sky, Jamie was sitting out on the back verandah, shivering in the cold. He couldn't rid his mind of the images that had plagued him through the night. When, finally, he heard movement inside, he went in himself, expecting to see Belle. Somehow, he didn't really think that Mandy was ever going to get up again, and when he went into the kitchen to brew himself and Belle a coffee, he gave a start when he saw Mandy, pale and haggard, with her head hanging in the sink.
"Honey?" he said softly, and moved towards her.
"I need a drink." she slurred, almost inaudibly.
"Honey, I don't think you do. How about you have a shower instead?" he paused, as Mandy attempted to frown at him, and only succeeded in crumpling her face up like a child throwing a tantrum. "Come on, Darling," he said, trying to sound encouraging. He put his arm around her, tried to lead her away from the sink. She resisted at first, but then came willingly enough. She was very unsteady on her feet, and Jamie allowed her to rest her weight on him. The two of them maneouvred into the ensuite, and Mandy stood swaying slightly as Jamie undressed her. He had undressed her many times before, but there was nothing remotely erotic about this. Her body was slick with sweat, despite the cool weather. He reached out and turned the shower on, adjusted the temperature, and then wondered what to do. After a little while, he simply stepped out of his own clothes, and jumped in with her.

--

When Belle did get out of bed, Mandy was slumped at the kitchen table. Belle could smell old alcohol, barely masked by soap, shampoo and perfume. Jamie was cooking breakfast in the kicthen, and as she moved into the room the smell of frying bacon hit her like a wall. Almost immediately, Belle had a flash back to the afternoon on the beach, and she raised a hand to her cheek. She fought the urge to cower.
"Morning Sleepy Head!" Jamie piped happily from his place at the stove.
Belle tried to put the idea of the woman behind her, cranked a smiled on to her face, and said as brightly as she manage, "Morning Jamie. What are you cooking?"
"Bacon, eggs, toast. And mushrooms if you want them."
"Fried or poached?"
"Fried, all fried. I thought Mandy could use fried." he said in a slightly softer voice.
Belle laughed, "Yeah, I guess she could. Don't suppose you could poach one or two though? Just for me?"
Jamie laughed along with her, "Yeah, alright. Just for you. Do you want bacon?"
Belle's stomach did a slow roll, and the taste of bile reached up into the back of her throat. She swallowed, "No, no bacon. Just eggs and mushrooms. Thanks Jamie." She smiled sweetly, not knowing whether he was facing her or not, and went back out into the dining room.

--

Belle moved into the dining room, and ran her hand along the rise of her mother's shoulders. She did this frequently, as a way of working out where people were sitting when they weren't talking. She found a seat directly opposite Mandy, and sat in.
"Morning Mum." she said fairly softly.
"Mmmf" her mother responded. The sound was muffled, and Belle surmised that her mother had her head on her folded arms.
"How are you feeling this morning?" she asked cagily.
There was a pause, where Mandy lifted her head and tried to focus on her daughter's face. "I'm alive. I guess."
"Well, that's a good start." Belle said brightly. "Jamie's cooking breakfast. You'll feel better if you eat, he said."
"Yeah, I guess so." Mandy's voice drifted into mumbles as her head drooped back down again.
Belle sighed, clearly her mother was not going to be conversational. She got back up, went back into the kitchen, and offered to help Jamie make toast. He accepted, gratefully.

--

Alyssa woke up, and decided to go in to the house to find Belle. When she smelled bacon frying, she immediately agreed to stay for breakfast. The four of them sat at the table together, Alyssa piling bacon on toast, and Mandy pushing her food desultoraly around the plate. Belle ate quietly, and then went into her room. Alyssa, still wiping bacon grease from her lips, followed her shortly afterwards. They sat together on the bed, talking about everything except the goings on with the worry dolls, until eventually Belle decided to tell her exactly what happened the day before. She recounted the story with little emotion, before droppign the bombshell, "I think they need you Liss. They didn't want to talk to Jamie."
"But what could they possibly want from me? I don't feel anything when I touch them, I can't see anything in the mirror. Even that night when we were all there, all I could see was smoke." she paused, thinking, before adding, "Well, that's all I remember seeing."
"You saw more." Belle said matter of factly. "You saw a lot more."

--

That evening, Mandy was starting to feel her normal self again. Well, not quite her normal self, she thought, that person was still off wandering in the wilderness somewhere, wondering where everything had gone awry, and how she had come to take entirely the wrong turn. But she was feeling better. She wasn't sure how she was going to cope if someone decided to have a little chat to her about the (don't say it, don't you dare say it) recent events, but as long as she tried not to think about it, as long as she could believe that it had all been a strange collective dream, then she felt well, alright. Not great, and certainly fragile, but she was okay. It was all going to be (red) okay. When Jamie reminded her about their failed weekend away, and gently suggested that they should go and make the most of what was left of it, she agreed. Perhaps that was what she needed - time away to come back to normal, and forget the strange events of the past few days.

--

Belle found Jamie's excitement amusing. He was running around the house like a five year old on Christmas morning, packing and unpacking, madly trying to find some needed item and then repacking. Mandy was attempting to share his enthusiasm, but Belle could tell it was forced. Her mother seemed strained, somehow, as though someone had forced her brain to go through an aperture the wrong size, and now she was all bent out of shape and confused. Belle realised that the worry dolls had affected her on a deeper level than it had the rest of them, but she couldn't work out how, or why. Or what to do about it. She was still puzzling over this when, finally around lunchtime, Jamie bundled Mandy into the car, and the two of drove off down the driveway. Alyssa and Belle stood at the front door to wave them off, and were not at all surprised when the car got to the road and, instead of turning left to go out to the highway, started reversing back down the short driveway. The driver's side window rolled down as Jamie pulled up in front of them, and his head stuck out, "Would you mind grabbing a box of tissues?" he called. Alyssa dashed into the house, found the box from the lounge room and brought it back out to them. This time, the car dove up the drive way, and Jamie completed the left turn on to the road. The car drove away and finally disappeared around the next bend.
They were still standing on the front verandah when Belle sighed and said "Man, I'm kind of glad they're gone".
There was a pause, then Alyssa gave a little giggle, "Yeah. Me too."

--

They were sitting in Alyssa's flat, discussing a plan to go in and look in the dressing table mirror again, when Luke showed up. They had agreed that they needed to get in there while Mandy and Jamie were away, and Belle explained her theory about having too many people in the room causing too much mind traffic for her to be able to decipher anything. She reiterated the salient points to Luke, and was surprised when he eagerly agreed to wait outside the room when they went in. It was only later that she realised the whole idea terrified him. There was a moment of silence in the tiny room and eventually Belle stood. Rudolph, who had been sitting in the corner, roused himself and came to her side, and she reached down absently to pat him. "Well, Liss." she said, "You ready?"
"Yeah, I guess so." her sister replied, "Ready as I'll ever be."
Belle smiled, "Let's go then."

--

For the third time, Belle crept into her mother's room, and stood before the dressing table mirror. She was flanked by Rudolph on her right and Alyssa on her left. The three of them stood, solemn, as Belle attempted to clear her mind. It was faster this time, she didn't have to think about what she was going to say, she just the words start to flow, and she had barely said the first few words of the ominous little poem when the force of Alyssa'a thoughts slammed into her with physical force. Belle's world, usually black, went suddenly white, and all of a sudden she was seeing. She saw the mirror, its surface cloudy, the mist roiling behind the glass. Tentatively, she turned to her right and looked at Rudolph, saw him for the very first time. He had a dark tip on the end of his tail, she noticed, and smiled. When she turned towards her sister, she realised that she looked exactly how she thought she looked, and this surprised her. The novelty of sight almost made her forget why she was there, and she had to fight back the urge to just run out of the room and look at everything. She realised, though, even in the excitement of the moment, that she was only seeing what Alyssa could see. She was, quite literally, using her sister's eyes. Alyssa looked almost as though she were asleep. Her eyes were open, fixed on the mirror in front of her, but the expression on her face was slack, immobile. Belle had the idea that she was somehow stealing from her, and tried not to get too carried away by the idea that she had sight. Stop (looking) thinking about it, she chided herself, just go (run) with it, where are the (I had a little) dolls, she needed to contact the (I told my little worry) dolls. She put all her attention into the mirror, and watched the roiling (souls) smoke in the glass, trying to make sense of what she could (but this can't be) see. She saw nothing at first, nothing but vague (faces) images that meant nothing to her, but gradually the mist coalesced into (victims) all sorts of images. So many that she had trouble telling one from the other. There was a face, it's mouth open in horror, then laughter; a hand, clenching in a fist, then softly holding a child's; eyes, wide with fear, then creasing into a smile. The images came fast, faster than she could put words to what she was seeing. She started to feel overwhelmed, and struggled to pull her (mind) eyes back from the individual happenings in the mirror. She tried to take in the mirror itself, and to stop concentrating on the (worries) fine details, the images of love and hate, affection and anger. Eventually her (thoughts) eyes started to see another image, a larger one that was made of the tiny individual pieces - a face, it's features created by the smaller images, constantly moving as the tiny scenes played themselves out within it. As she watched, the face began to smile, the edges of its mouth moving, always moving, but forming into a smile all the same. She watched the face, waiting for it to speak and at that exact moment, Alyssa cried out in surprise, Rudolph barked, and Belle's world reverted to the darkness she had always known.

--

When Belle woke up, she was expecting to be back in her own bedroom, but instead it seemed as though she was still in her mother's. It seemed as though she was still lying on the floor in front of the dressing table, Rudolph snuggled up beside her, his breath whistling in and out as he slept. She wondered how much time had passed. She had a blanket over her, and a pillow under her head, but her hip was aching from the hard floor, despite the carpet. She realised that they hadn't had Jamie to pick her up, so they had just left her where she was, and covered her with a blanket.

She sat up, feeling that same surge of energy she had felt last time. She was awake, energetic, and ready for anything. She didn't know what time it was, but she decided to take advantage of the situation. She raced outside to the flat and banged on the door, Rudolph hot on her heels.

--

Inside the flat, Alyssa and Luke were both fast asleep in pre-dawn darkness. When Belle banged on the door, Alyssa rolled over and mumbled in her sleep, but neither of them woke up.

--

Not to be discouraged, Belle raced back into the house. She decided she was going to take advantage of this energy. She wanted to duck into her room to find out what time it was, but then decided against it, she didn't want to waste a moment. Instead, she went back into her mother's room, kicked the blanket and pillow out of the way, and stood in front of the mirror, RUdolph panting at her side.

--

This time it happened quickly - almost too quickly. Belle felt sucked into the world fo the dolls this time, not as though she had gone voluntarily. Before she knew it, there were voices in her head. She opened her eyes, tried to focus, and found that she almost could. She didn't seem to be able to see colour, and the edges of things seemed shimmery. Her sense of smell, ordinarily pretty good, being absolutely amazing, and she got the idea that she was smelling where things were, more so than seeing them. Before long, she realised what was happening. Because Alyssa wasn't there, see was seeing with Rudolph's eyes - and nose - instead. She laughed out loud, thinking, well, thry do call them seeing eye dogs, after all. This time, she couldn't make out the individual figures in the mirror, Rudolph's eyesight just wasn't that good, it seemed. Somehow, it made it easier to focus on that larger image - the face. This time it didn't seem to be smiling though. In fact, it seemed ... angry, almost. When it begam speaking, Belle listened.

--

When Alyssa woke up, the sun was just starting to streak through the window of the flat, the beam of light a blade slicing from in between the curtains and cutting the room in two. Last night when she had woken up after seeing the face in the mirror, she had had a terrible headache, the same as she got when she had been studying for too long at a time, but about ten times worse. This morning, the pain behind her eyes lingered, although the sharp edge had gone. She closed her eyes, wanting to go back to sleep. But sleep didn't seem to want to take her. She slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Luke. She got dressed, found a couple of Nurofen and swallowed them. She decided to go and check on Belle.

--

When she got inside, the house was very quiet. Although the air was still, it felt kind of ... full. As though the house was filled with invisible fairy floss, and she had to wade through it. What was going on here? She walked into the master bedroom, looking for Belle, and found her - somehwat unsurprisingly - standing in front of the dressing table, Rudolph at her side. Belle was staring raptly into the mirror, her head nodding as though she was agreeing with someone. Rudolph stood eyes open, breathing rapidly, but otherwise for all intents and purposes asleep. His features drooped, his bottom jaw hung open, tongue lolling with a long column of drool waving with his breath. Alyssa couldn't see anything in the mirror except for the reflection of the bedroom. She decided to sit on the bed and watch what unfolded.

--

Belle continued to nod, as though listening to some interesting conversation, and Alyssa kept wondering why the dog didn't fall over. Alyssa could see her own reflection behind Belle's, and she wondered who Belle was listening to. She was acting almost as though she was talking to someone only she could see in the mirror, but of course the idea was absurd. As much as some weird stuff was going on with this mirror, and with the dolls, she didn't think it was enough to give sight ot the blind. The very idea was a cliche. Alyssa repositioned herself on the bed, laying on her belly, with her feet on the pillows and her head resting on her hands so she could watch her sister and her dog. She wondered how long they had been like this, how long they still would be, and gradually drifted off to sleep. When she woke up, Belle and Rudolph were gone, and there was a clutch of worry dolls on the carpet where they had been. Alyssa jumped off the bed, gathered up the dolls, shoved them in the pocket of her jeans, and went in search of her sister.

--

She found both Belle and Rudolph back out in the flat. Belle looked tired, sipping coffee with Luke. Rudolph had found a throw cushion and fallen aslepe on it in the reading nook. When Alyssa opened the door they all looked up at her, and she smiled at them. "I fell asleep", she said sheepishly.
Luke returned the grin, "Feel better Sleeping Beauty?" he teased. Alyssa stuck her tongue out at him, and asked for a cup of coffee as she flopped onto the futon, and crawled under the doona to go back to sleep, "My head still hurts." she moaned.
"Your head hurts." Belle muttered, "You should feel mine."

Alyssa suddenly remembered the worry dolls in her pocket, and sat up in bed. "Hey Sis," she called.
Belle looked up, "What?" she grunted.
"I think you dropped something in Mum's room."
Belle frowned, and came out into the living area of the flat. "Huh?"
"More dolls," Alyssa stated, and Belle stopped dead. Alyssa frowned at the look on her sister's face, "What's wrong? You don't have to touch them if you don't want to ..."
Belle sighed, and resumed walking towards Alyssa and the wory dolls, "Yeah, but i do." she said, "That's the thing. I do have to touch them. And then you have to see it in the mirror."
"But ... but I've never seen anything in the mirror!" Alyssa argued.
Belle shook her head, "But you have, Liss. You've seen more in the mirror than you realise."
"I've seen smoke. Smoke and mirrors, ha ha. That's hardly anything like what the others have seen. Jamie with his heart attack victims and Mum with the girl with the head wound."
Luke stepped out of the kitchenette and into the loungeroom, "Alyssa ..." he cautioned, and Alyssa rounded on him, "You just keep out of this, Luke. I know you think you're involved, because you saw the frying pan woman, but you're not. Okay? You're not involved."
Belle waited for Alyssa's tirade to end and then said softly, "But he is, Alyssa. He's just as involved as I am. As you are. As Rudolph is. We're all involved in this. Jamie, too. And Mum. Did you wonder why Mum reacted the way she did, Liss? Did it ever occur to you that she over reacted just a little?"
Alyssa looked shocked, but said nothing, she hadn't thought about her mother much at all, to be honest. She had been so busy either trying not to think about the whole situation at all, or trying to work out the intricacies of the whole thing - why the dolls, why the worries, why Belle, why herself - that she hadn't actually wondered why her mother had gone off the rails. All of a sudden, it seemed odd that she hadn't thought about it, and she felt a bit ashamed.
"They're coming because of Mum. They're here because they want Mum to help them. They can talk to me, but they need Mum. And I need you, and Luke, to help me get the message across. Mum's fragile enough as it is right now, any more pressure is going to break her in two and we'll be carting her off to the asylum in a white jacket. Or finding her passed out on the bathroom floor with a vodka bottle." Belle paused to let the message sink in.
Alyssa was shocked, and she spoke quietly, as though Belle had clearly already gone mad, and should be treated with care, "Belle, first you said they wanted you, then you said they wanted me, now you're saying they want Mum. What next? Rudoplh? And who are 'they' anyway, Belle? Explain that much to me. And what kind of help? What's Mum got that no one else has?"
Belle shrugged, she didn't have answers to any of these questions. "I don't know, Liss. I just don't know. Come with me back to the mirror. Let them talk to you."
Alyssa sighed, "Let me have an hour's sleep, then I'll come with you."

--

While Alyssa slept, Belle convinced Luke to play a round of Monopoly with her. She was busy claiming over five hundred dollars in rent off him when he finally asked her what had happened last night, and this morning.
Belle wondered how much to tell him, and then decided to go for the whole thing, "I could see. Last night, I used Alyssa's eyes, and I could see."
Play stopped. Luke held cash in one hand, and a mortgaged property in the other, You ... you what?" he stammered eventually.
Belle said it again, as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world. "I could see. Rudolph has a dark tip on the end of his tail. I saw that. I saw it with Alyssa's eyes."
Luke allowed his own eyes to wander over to Rudolph, still sleeping in the reading nook, although he already knew that he had a dark tip on his tail. It was out of the ordinary for a golden labrador, they were normally a solid colour, and it had caught his eye when he had first met him. "I don't ... I don't really understand. How could you ... how did that work? Can you see now?"
"No it only worked while I was in the mirror. You know the strange thing, I did it again, this morning, when Alyssa wasn't there. And I saw through Rudolph's eyes. But he doesn't just see with his eyes, he sees with his nose, I could smell things, Luke. You have no idea what that sensation is like."
Luke gave a dry laugh. "Yeah, you've got that right. I don't know what it would be like to be blind, but I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to see things with your nose."
Play resumed, and Belle grew serious again. After a few rolls she spoke softly again, "You know, I was told a lot of stuff this morning by ... well, by someone. I don't know who they were, but they had ... authority. Of some sort. Anyway, they told me a lot, but I don't remember the words they used. It's like they spoke to me in pictures, or ideas. Or maybe it was that they didn't speak at all, they just fed ideas into my head. It wasn't organised, like it is when someone describes something to you, it was like a big dump of information, but I need to unravel it a little bit at a time, bit by bit. It's like I can't access the end of the story, until I fully understand where it started, and all the other things that happen on the way."
Luke didn't meet her eyes, just continued to play the game. Eventually, he spoke nearly under his breath, "I think you're something more than just a little bit special, Belle."
"What do you mean by that, Luke?" she asked suspiciously.
"I mean that you're ... you're somehow more than human. More than ... well, more than normal, I guess." he laughed a little, "That sounds really strange, but I don't know how else to put it."
She laughed at that, but somehow the statement had made her uneasy. She was glad when Alyssa woke up, slightly less grumpy now, and broke the filament of tension that had arisen between the two of them.

--

This time, Alyssa led the procession into the bedroom. She was determined to be more than just a pair of eyes this time around. Luke, convinced to come into the house at least, hung around in the dining room, ready to be on hand in case he was needed. He would at least be needed to drag someone into a bed after it all, he thought ruefully.

Alyssa wasn't going to be nearly as cautious as her younger sister was. She marched in and stood in front of the mirror as though she was challenging it to speak to her. Rudolph eyed Belle, and then reluctantly went and stood beside Alyssa, his flank pressed to her leg. Belle stood on the other side of Alyssa, not really knowing why she was there. It was not as if Alyssa needed someone to be her eyes. The two girls closed their eyes, and together they began to chant,
"I had a little dolly,
I told it my little worry
Then it went ...
Ooooohhhhhhh" Alyssa suddenly moaned. She could feel a force in her head, behind her eyes, like a hand had roughly pushed its way in, and was feeling about for something it had lost. Alyssa struggled, wanting the feeling to (get out! get out!) go away, and she entered a mental struggle with the (spirit) force in her mind. She opened her eyes, and started to scream. Belle's head snapped, as though she had been hit, and she cried out as well. Rudolph began to howl. In an instant, Luke was in the room. He went first to Belle, Alyssa still screaming, her hands clawing at her (get out!) skull, pulling at her (brains) hair, and clawing at her (soul) eyes. Luke started to drag Belle out of the room, and she started to yell, "No! Get Liss! Get her out of here!" Luke stopped, confused, and then, as though suddenly energised by Alyssa's contined screams, he grabbed her under the armpits and dragged her, still screaming at top volume, out of the room.

--

As soon as Alyssa was out of the room, Rudolph calmed down. He went straight to Belle as nuzzled at her as though to check that she was okay. Belle was about to lean down and scratch him behind the ears when she felt a force in her own mind. It was blinding, just a flash, but the message that was imprinted in her mind was very clear. Alyssa was not welcome. Not now. Not ever.

--

When Luke pulled her out of the room, the connection between Alyssa and ... whatever it was snapped like a wire pulled too tight. One moment the sensation of (the one) something inside her head was there, the next it was (broken) gone, as though it had (but it had been) never been there. She struggled out of Luke's grip, shook herself, and said haughtily, "I can walk, leave me alone."
Luke looked sheepish, "Sorry. I ... just wanted to get you out of ... whatever that was."
Alyssa's gaze softened and, although she didn't apologise, she went to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, buried his head into the cleft provided by his collar bone. He allowed her to hug him, but her rebuke still stung him. After a while, he disentangled himself, and they both took a seat at the dining room table. Neither of them wanted to go back into the bedroom, but they didn't want to stray too far either. This whole situation was getting more and more unpredictable all the time.

--

Belle sat down on the end of the bed. Any energy she still had from this morning had been thoroughly zapped by the reaction of the (one) worry dolls in the mirror to Alyssa, and the subsequent blinding adminition that had been delivered direct into her (soul) mind. She couldn't decide if she wanted to lie down and sleep, go and get somehting to eat - maybe coffe, the caffeine might be good, or bad, she couldn't decide - or just lie down here where she was and sleep. The mirror seemed dead now, and even though it was still strangely compelling, she didn't think that it was going to let her in again for a little while. Almost as though it had given her a (blank) time out, like a naughty child. Belle sighed and, still not entirely sure what she was going to do, stood up, and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

--

Luke and Alyssa both looked up expectantly when Belle loped into the room, Rudolph trotting at her side. She ignored their gazes, even though she sensed their eyes upon her, and continued into the kitchen. Sometimes, being blind meant you could casually ignore things, and people let you get away with it. Not her sister, though, it seemed, as Alyssa's voice followed her into the kitchen, "Don't ignore me, Belle!"
Belle ignored her anyway, filled the jug at the tap, settled it on its base, and switched it on. She stood, listening to the water heat, the base of the kettle cracking is it warmed. Belle raised her hands to her face and scrubbed at it to try and wake herself up. She thought that, if the coffee didn't do the trick, she was just going to have to have a sleep. She wondered how late in the day it was, her sense of time was all over the place, although she was conscious of them running out of time before Mandy and Jamie got back. She needed to work out what she was supposed to do before they got here, so that she could go ahead and do - whatever it was - when they arrived.

--

Belle made coffees for everyone, unbidden, and brought them one by one into the dining room. She had the habit of always leaving one arm free, either to hold on to Rudolph's harness, or to feel for obstacles. When she had brought all three mugs in and found herself a seat, the expectant silence descended over her like a blanket, and she could feel Alyssa and Luke's eyes on her, waiting. Under the table, Rudolph settled himself on top her feet, which made her smile.
Eventually, Alyssa, unable to contain herself any longer, blurted out, "What was that all about, Belle?"
Belle remained silent, and she could sense Alyssa getting angrier and angrier as the silence dragged on. Eventually, she foudn the words she wanted, "They don't want to speak directly to you, Liss. I'm sorry. I got a ... a flash, of ... something. I don't know what to call it, but it was very clear. They don't want to speak directly to you. I think it's best if you just, well, just bring your eyes."
Alyssa was, strangely, silent. Eventually, she gave a grunt, stood up, and stalked off back to her flat. Luke, somewhat reluctantly, stood as well. As he passed Belle, his hand settled on her shoulder, squeezed lightly, and was gone.

--

Belle decided to have a little sleep, despite the caffeine. When she got to her room, she hit the button on the clock, "Eleven. Forty. Two. Ay-Em" it said in its electronic voice. She was surprised it was still morning, so much had happened already, although it made her realise she had started a lot earlier than she had known at the time. No wonder Alyssa and Luke had still been asleep. She set the alarm for one o'clock in the afternoon, deciding that at that point she would wake up, have something to eat if she felt like lunch, and then go and have a chat to the (one) voices behind the mirror. With or without Alyssa.

--

Luke followed ALyssa out to the flat, and as soon as they were outside she rounded on him, "What does she mean, they don't want to speak directly to me? Who? Who is 'they'? And why does she have some kind of a monopoly on them? And what about all this crap about Mum? What's she got to do with any of it all? It's not my fault she decided to have a nervous breakdown over a couple of worry dolls, is it? And what's the go with that, anyway? We haven't found one in ages ... well, except for the ones I found this morning, of course, but I'm not sure they count. I just dont' understand why Belle thinks she's just so fucking import ..."
During the tirade, Alyssa and Luke had arrived at the front door of the flat. Alyssa pulled the door open and, when she saw what was inside, the flow of angry words just dried up into nothing. The salad bowl full of worry dolls that had sat on her desk for days, virtually forgotten along with her school work, had apparently been upended. The dolls covered every available surface - the floor, the bed, the desk, the bookcase, the breakfast bar, even inside the reading nook she had created. There were hundreds of them, and every single one was tipped out of the bowl and into the small room. Alyssa screamed, more out of frustration and anger than fear. Luke, feeling completely nonplussed, worn out and exasperated, turned around, fished his car keys from his pocket, and drove away, without saying a word. Alyssa let loose with a tirade at his fleeing vehicle, and eventually just sat on the flat's front door step and cried.

--

Belle stirred and rolled over with the commotion outside, decided to ignore it, and went back to sleep.

--

When the alarm went off with the stilted, "Alarm! One. Oh. Clock. Pee-Em. Alarm!" Belle still felt tired. It was incredibly tempting to just switch the alarm off, roll over and go back to sleep. Rudolph padded over to her and rested his muzzle on her bed, "Rudolph," she said patiently, "Much as you are a wonderful dog, I wish you woulnd't leave drool on my bed sheets." With this, she sat up, and swung her feet on to the floor. She gave Rudolph a pat to shw him that she still loved him, and he rumbled happily at her, and followed her into the kitchen. She picked through the well organised fridge for sandwich ham, found bread in the bread box, and fixed herself a sandwich. Knowing her mother would have a fit if she knew, she fixed Rudolph one as well, and let him eat it on the kicthen floor, while she stood and ate hers. She poured herself a glass of water from the tap and drank it down. Satiated, she decided she couldn't put it off any longer, she was going to have to go back in there, and confront the (one) whatever it was.

--

Alyssa decided that, instead of facing the destruction that the worry dolls had wrought on her (life) flat, she was going to go for a walk. It was an overcast day, and the weather was cold, but the wind wasn't blowing too hard, and she decided the beach would be deserted - just what she wanted. She certainly wasn't in the mood to speakto anyone. She walked the couple of blocks to the beach, trying to work out how she had gotten to this point. She wondered what Belle was doing, was she in front of the dressing table mirror now, calling out for her 'eyes'? Was she fast asleep, sleeping off the efforts of the morning? Was she in some dreamland, communing with a bunch of worry dolls, and getting grand ideas about herself, Alyssa, and their mother, amongst who knew what else? Increasingly, she thought about Luke. Would he come back? She understood that she had been more than a little hysterical, but come on, wouldn't anyone be? Surely he could understand that? She arrived at the beach, and stepped onto the sand, the hard crust crunching under her joggers and breaking to reveal to soft, dry layer of sand beneath. It was a good analogy, she thought, the top layer looked tough and unbreakable, but it cracked under just a little pressure, and revealed the soft interior just below the surface. She felt the same, her hard exterior now full of cracks, and exposing her own soft interior. She wasn't coping well with this. When she got down to the hard packed sand near the water, she wasn't all that surprised to find that, instead of the usual shells and bits of seaweed, the beach was strewn with worry dolls.

--

Belle stood in front of the mirror yet again, Rudolph in his usual spot, resting against her right leg. This position was becoming horridly familiar, she thought ruefully. It was with a feeling not quite of impending disaster, but of possibly disastrous inevitability, that she fell into the world beyond the mirror. The world where the dolls where ruled by the one, and the worries were the local currency.

--

Alyssa returned from the beach feeling, if not quite relaxed, at least calmer than she had been, despite the worry dolls at her feet, She had at least realised she wasn't going to be able to escape whatever the dols had in store for her - for them. Still she was not quite willing to face the worry dolls strewn around her flat, and went into the house to find Belle instead. She intended to apologise, but also she wanted to make sure she was okay. The thought had occurred to her that her sister might be attempting to contact the dolls again while she was wandering on the beach trying to gather her thoughts, and could possibly need her help.

When she got to the bedroom, she discovered Belle in the now familiar position in front of the dressing table mirror, Rudolph leaning against her leg, looking as though he was sleeping with his eyes open. Belle wasn't nodding this time, but gazing with rapt attention into the mirror as though it afforded all sorts of delights. Alyssa, predicatably, couldn't see anything except Belle's reflection, and beyond that the bedroom, herself included. She perched on the end of the bed, sitting cross legged, with her elbow on her knee, and her chin in her hand. And waited.

--

This time, the communication lasted longer, and didn't end abruptly as had all the previous ones. Belle thought as she rose once more to the surface of reality, that perhaps she was getting good at this. A strange talent to possess, perhaps, but useful in the circumstances, nevertheless. She felt tired, but not overwhelmingly so. She blinked as she came back into the darkness of her reality, the lights winking out in a fashion, and plunging her back into her usual blind state. At the same time, she became aware of someone sitting behind her, and she turned, "Alyssa?" she asked.
"Yeah, it's me." her sister replied. "That was ... calm."
Belle smiled, "Yeah it was. Nice change, huh?"
Alyssa reddened, "Yeah. I deserved that. Sorry for ... before." she added.
Belle shrugged, "No big deal. This whole ... thing ... is weird. We all deal with things diferently. Where's Luke?"
"Gone." Alyssa stated simply, "My flat is ... well. My flat is over run by worry dolls. When I saw it I ... I lost it, and he ... well, he left. I went for a walk ... on the beach." she stammered, "But I wanted to say sorry. I was a bit of an arse."
"Like I said, no big deal. Will he come back?"
"No idea."
"Do you care?"
Alyssa paused, asking herself the same question and trying to come up with answer that was honest. Eventually she said, "I'm not sure."
Belle shrugged again, taking the admission in her stride, as she did most things. "I'm going to make another coffee, and then I'm going to have a lie down." she stated.
"I might join you for the coffee."
"Okay. Did you have plans for dinner?"
"Not yet. Want to get a delivery? Chinese maybe? Or pizza?"
Belle wrinkled her nose, "Not pizza. Chinese would be good. I could murder a Mongolian Duck."
"The poor duck." Alyssa laughed as she stood. The two of them walked out of the room, Rudolph between them, wagging his tail happily.