When finally they got Alyssa moving, Belle was impatient to get it done. She could sense that she was getting closer to the real information now, and she was hoping that it was all going to become clear with this final trip behind the mirror. Belle and Rudolph led the way into the house, and through to the dining room - the kicking off point into the bedroom, and the mirror. She stopped, reiterated the instructions to Luke, which consisted of little more than "you'll just know when", and grabbed Alyssa's hand. Alyssa squeezed it, and together they walked into the room.
--
Still holding hands, the two sisters stood in front the mirror. Rudolph took up his customary position on Belle's other side, leaning lightly against her leg. His breathing was rapid, Belle noticed, but then noticed that so was her own. Alyssa seemed calm, but her palm, entwined with Belle's own, was damp and clammy. Quietly as first, but with growing confidence, they began to chant:
"I had a little dolly
I told it my little worry
But then it went red
And now they're all dead
I'm so terribly sorry
I had a little ..."
The vision came suddenly this time. One moment it was black, and then, like being struck by a bolt of lightning, she could see. Belle blinked, becoming accustomed to the sudden light. She glanced at Alyssa, and noticed that her face had gone slack. Theire hands were still held, and Belle noticed that Alyssa's - warm and damp before - was suddenly dry and slightly cool. She was just beginning to wonder where Luke was when she saw (saw!) him hovering at the door. She beckoned very slightly with her free hand, and he smiled and walked in. He stood slightly behind them and then, with Belle's gesture, stepped in between her and her sister. He took each of their wrists gently, and pulled their hands apart, not breaking their link, but stretching it by adding himself in between. Suddenly, Belle's vision doubled slightly - she was picking up Alyssa's as well as Luke's, she realised. She blinked a few more times, and slowly her new found sight came back into focus. Occasionally it would double again, and sometimes even triple as she picked up on Rudolph's smell-sight, but then it would coalesce into a single image. Before too long, she started to see the faces in the mirror, slowly becoming that by now familiar face - the one.
--
Hello Belle, Rudolph. And Alyssa. Who is this?
This is Luke.
Luke. Hello Luke.
Ah, hello. Hi.
Belle, you are to ask for some answers.
Yes, I am.
I know. I have offered you many answers so far, Belle.
Yes, you have. And for that, I thank you. I wish to know more.
You wish to know more. And how much do you know, now?
I know many things. I know who you are, and I know why you are here. I do not know where you are from, or why. I do not know where you go, or why you go, or how you go. I do not know how I can help you.
That is a lot of questions, Belle.
Yes, it is.
We are from - forever. We are here because - always. We go to - eternity. We go for - life. We go as we always go - with the mirror. You can help us - by moving the mirror to the next host.
Your answers make little sense to me. Where do you want the mirror moved to?
You can not move the mirror.
But I ... I don't understand.
No. You don't. But you will.
Help me to understand.
Only you can help you to understand, Belle.
Yes, as you have told me before.
As I have told you before. Very good.
Thank you.
Farewell, Belle.
Farewell.
--
Together, all four of them - the three humans and the one canine - blinked, and foudn themselves back in the reality of the bedroom. Belle's new ofund sight blinked back into darkness, and normality was restored yet again. They had all heard the one speak, the strange conversation that had taken place between it (they) and Belle. Alyssa and Luke felt just as confused as they had been before. Belle however was ecstatic, "The one has never spoken that clearly before, wow! I think we should write this down. I need my laptop. Hold on." with that, Belle took off at a trot to retrieve her computer from the bedroom. When she returned, she handed the laptop to her sister and said, "You type, Liss. You're faster." and they settled at the kitchen table.
--
When they had the conversation - as best as they could remember - written down, Alyssa had the text to speech program read it back to them. The computerised voice made the words lose their magic, and they just became confusing, seemingly understandable.
""You can help us by moving the mirror to the next host."" Belle quoted aloud, "At first I thought the one meant moving the mirror to somewhere else in the house or something. But now I'm wondering about the word "host". What does "host" mean?"
Alyysa, thinking out loud, said, "A host might be the person who holds a party, it could be something a parasite is on - a dog or a person or something like that. I guess it's, well, it's someone that provides something to someone else. A party, a meal, a habitat."
"A parasite ..." Belle echoed, lost in thought.
"Do you think the ... the one ... needs a host?" Luke said thoughtfully, "Maybe the one needs ... something. Like a parasite, or a party guest, they need whatever it is the host can give to them."
"Yeah," Belle echoed, "If the one - the worries - are a parasite, they need something from us. We already know that, I guess. So we're the host. They need a new host."
"We need to give the mirror to someone else." Alyssa said triumphantly.
"Yeah." Luke agreed.
"But who?" Belle asked, "And if we can't move it, who can?"
--
Alyssa connected Belle's computer to the printer, and printed off the conversation. Belle harnessed Rudolph and, with the piece of paper in hand, they wandered down to the cafe for breakfast. It was still early in the morning, and being a Monday there were few patrons in the cafe. They were shown a seat near the big glass doors that overlooked the deck. They were glad to be inside in the warmth, as they watched the wind whip up frothy white tops on the breakers coming in to the beach. Winter had arrived. They ordered, and the food arrived quickly. Over eggs benedict, pancakes and strong, aromatic coffee they laid out the now crumpled piece of paper, and tried to derive more meaning out of it. The only conclusions they reached were pure speculation, though, and by the time Belle slopped maple syrup onto the paper, obliterating much of the type, they knew it off by heart, but still understood virtually nothing.
--
When they got home, all three decided to have a snooze. Rudolph crept into his bed in the corner of Belle's room, and Alyssa and Luke retired to the flat. When Belle awoke, it was still only 10 o'clock in the morning, and she decided to go back in, with Rudolph only. She shook him awake.
--
Alyssa and Luke made love, and afterwards, fell asleep in each other's arms. Some time later, they woke up together, and made love again. Alyssa felt relieved that they had gotten through their first argument, and made it to the other side.
--
When Alyssa and Luke finally emerged from the flat, freshly showered and inseperable, they were surprised to find Belle still in bed, Rudolph curled up in his bed beside her. Alyssa wondered if they should try and wake her, they were running out of time before Mandy and Jamie arrived back. Luke suggested timidly that maybe they should attempt to contact the one on their own and Alyssa, whose memory was still fresh of what happened last time se had tried to take charge, glared at him, "No way. I'm not trying that again."
They were discussing dinner options, assuming that Mandy adn Jamie would be back late, and Belle would be starving, when Belle suddenly bounced into the room, Rudolph at her heels. Alyssa jumped, then smiled, "Hey, Sis"
"Hello, hello!" Belle fairly bubbled, and trotted into the kitchen. Alyssa could hear her scrabbling in the fridge for drinks, and called out, "Do you need a hand?"
"Nope." Belle replied, her voice muffled byt the fridge, "I'm all good."
Shortly after, Belle emerged with a glass of coke and a ham and cheese sandwich. Rudolph was licking his lips, and Alyssa suspected he had been slipped bits of ham as well. He's been working hsard too though, she thought, and guessed that he, at least on some level, deserved it.
"I'm starving," Belle said, her mouth half full of bread.
"Yeah, thought you might be. We were thinking that we might order pizza for dinner."
Belle made a face, "Nah, let's cook. There's stuff in the fridge isn't there?"
Alyssa frowned, "No, if you're cooking, you'll need my help, and I couldn't be bothered. Besides, don't you want to go and look in the mirror again?"
"Nope." Belle said brightly, "Well, maybe once more, but I need to take Mum."
Alyssa looked incredulous, but before she could speak, Belle went on, "I'm pretty sure I've got it sussed. Come on, help me cook some spaghetti bolognaise, and while we're doing it, I'll tell all."
--
Alyssa agreed, but Belle danced and darted about the issue as they cooked, instead managing to distract her with jokes and stupid stories. Luke hung around in the background, trying not to get in the way, and laughed along with them.
--
When dinner had been cooked and served, and they had all eaten plenty - Belle had three plates full, and even Rudolph got a small amount of mince on top of his regular dog food - they sat around the table, still avoiding the issue. Alyssa was expecting that the door would open at any minute. She wondered if Belle was delaying the issue, waiting for them to get home, or just though reluctance. Eventually, she asked the question out loud.
Belle shrugged in response, "It's still unformed, I guess. But I guess I can tell you most of it."
Alyssa waited for her to go on and, when she didn't, she prompted her, "Well, go on then,"
Belle was silent for a few minutes longer, gathering her thoughts, that were stringing out like beads on a broken necklace, trying to gather the neckace up without losing all the beads, and find the ones that had slipped away. Eventually, she took a breath, and began, "Well, the worries have existed since, well, forever. Like the one said."
Alyssa nodded, remembering "We are from forever. We go to eternity." she said softly.
Belle smiled, "Yeah, "we are from forever". They have existed forever, since before some villagers in Guatemala created worry dolls from scraps of cloth and little twigs. The worry dolls just gave them form. A form that people would understand, and could use. But the point is that worries have always existed, and they always will. Humans, no matter how advanced they are, will always have things to worry about. They might be worrying about the wheel falling off the buggy, or a horse going lame, or they could be worrying about their laptop being stolen, or someone getting promoted ahead of them at work. Maybe one day those worries will be running out of rocket fuel in the space ship, or some other astronaut forgotting to put the seat down up in the space station central. You get the idea, anyway." Belle paused, "Does anyone else want ice-cream?"
"Belle!" Alyssa cried, indignant.
"It's okay," Belle said, rising, "just let me get ice cream, I'll come back. You want some?" she asked, already in the kitchen.
Behind These Eyes - Part Nineteen
They all tramped into the flat, incredulous, and Belle stretched out on the futon while Alyssa and Luke wandered around looking, unsuccesfully, for stray worry dolls, with dubious help from Rudolph. Eventually, when they had not found a single one, Luke perched near Belle's feet on the futon, and Alyssa decided to make popcorn. With the smell of butter and salt drifting into the air, and the popping of the kernels in the bag noisy in the otherwise silent room, the three of them avoided each others' eyes, uncertain how to bring the feeling in the room back to normal. It was only when Alyssa brought the popcorn bowl out of the kitchen, put it between Belle and Luke on the futon, and settled herself on the floor, that the silence was broken, "So, Belle," Alyssa said, as she stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth, "Perhaps we should update Luke on happenings?" It was only then, as Alyssa looked to her sister for her opinion, that they realised she had fallen asleep, mimicking her dog that lay beside her on the floor, also dead to the world. Alyssa and Luke looked at each other and laughed, and eventually decided to pull the floor cushions out from the reading nook, and watch a movie while they waited for her to wake up.
--
When Belle did wake up, the movie was coming to an end, and Luke and Alyssa were entwined on the cushions, asleep, their breathing deep, even, and almost perfectly synchronised. Belle had that energised feeling again, and she swung her feet to the floor and stood up all in a rush. She padded over to the toilet and, when she came back in, Luke was sitting up on the floor, Alyssa still asleep beside him, "Hey Belle," he said softly, to let her know he was awake.
Belle smiled, "Hey Luke," she parodied.
"Feeling better?"
"Yup."
"Excellent. Can I, ah, make you a coffee ... or something?"
"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks." she replied. She stepped cautiously past the prone form of her sister on the floor, grabbed the blanket off the futon, and headed out of the front door. When Luke joined her, steaming mugs in hand, she was sitting on the step, wrapped in the blanket, breathing deeply, her face turned up to the night air.
--
Luke settled beside her, wrapping his jacket around himself to ward off the chill in the air. There was no moon tonight, the only light that cast from the door behind them, affording him no more than a few metres of vision. He wondered idly, and not for the first time, what it was like in Belle's world, to not have even this much vision, to be caught in a permanent and unrelenting blackout. He couldn't imagine it.
"The other night, you said something, and I have been thinking about that."
Belle said nothing, waiting for him to elaborate. The silence hung between them like a physical thing.
"I ... um. You said that when you look in the mirror you can see, and I was wondering what you meant by that."
Belle remained silent, and only when it appeared that he was being serious, and expecting a serious answer, did she say shortly, "I meant I could see."
The silence grew. Eventually, Belle decided to elaborate, "I mean, normally I can't. When I look in the mirror, and talk to the one, I can see. Like, stuff. Whatever. Like you do."
"I don't ... I don't understand." Luke stammered, clearly uncomfortable with this admission.
Belle frowned, "I don't know how else to explain it, Luke. Are you dense on purpose, or what? Normally, I can't see anything - nothing at all, just blackness. When I go to the mirror, and I speak to the one, or the one speaks to me, I can see. I can see the room, the mirror, the images in the mirror. I can see the people who are in the room with me. I can see. How else can I explain this?"
"So when you say you can see, you mean you an actually, like, see stuff? I thought you might have meant it, I don't know, like metaphorically or something. That's ... wow. That's weird."
"You're telling me." Belle said dryly.
"Who's the one?" Luke asked abruptly.
"The one? The one in the mirror. The mirror is full of worry dolls, and of the worries they hold. The one is all of them, all at once. The one can explain it, all of it, and the one is the thing that's going to help me understand it. I think."
Luke nodded, and the two of them lapsed back into silence.
--
Belle and Luke were still sitting in a companiable silence, the coffees now consumed, when the door cracked open behind them and Alyssa peered out, her hair messy and her face rumpled. "Oh, here you both are," she mumbled in a sleep-riddled voice, "I was wondering what had become of you both."
Luke stood, and hugged her, kissed the top of her head, and bundled her back into the flat, mumbling something about keeping her warm. Alyssa allowed herself to be taken back inside. After a few minutes, Belle followed them in, saying "What happened to the popcorn?"
"We ate it." Alyssa pointed out, "Hours ago."
"Damn. Got any more?"
Alyssa thought briefly before saying, "Yeah, I think there's another packet in there. I bought a box of them not that long ago."
Belle went to the kitchenette, started opening cupboards and ratting through them, feeling a packet of microwave popcorn, until Alyssa came in behind her and said impatiently, "You'll have everything on the floor doing that Belle, here let me look."
Belle, mission accomplished, went back into the loungeroom and sat down on the futon, legs crossed. She leant over and gave Rudolph, who was still sleeping soundly on the floor, a pat, and he didn't budge under her hand. She smiled to herself.
"Well," she said as soon as she heard Alyssa put the popcorn into the microwave, "I think I've got the beginnings of an idea."
Neither Alyssa nor Luke said anything, but she could tell that suddenly, and possibly like never before, she had their full rapt attention, and she gave another smile.
"Yeah, I think I'm starting to understand waht's going on. But I need to look in the mirror again. This time, Alyssa, I need you to come with me."
"Ahh, Okay. I guess. Are you going to tell us the plan first?"
"No." Belle said simply, "I think you'll understand better if you hear it from the one. Luke, will you join us?"
"Err. I guess so." he stammered, taken by surprise.
"Great! What you will need to do is wait until Alyssa and I are in, with Rudolph, and then come and hold our hands, and will bring you in with us, but no earlier, okay?"
"Ah, okay. Yeah, I guess I can do that. How will I know when though?"
The microwave beeped, and Belle waited while she listened to Belle tip the hot popcorn into the bowl, her mouth watering at the smell, and then smiled in Luke's direction, "It's okay," she said finally, "You'll just know."
--
Belle sat cross legged on the futon, the popcorn bowl balanced delicately on her ankles, and shoved handfuls into her mouth as she spoke, "Okay, the thing is this, the one only exists when the dolls - well the worries, the dolls aren't really there, it's more the worries - need it to. So it seems as though they've needed something for a while, I'm not quite sure what it is, but it's something important, and they're getting impatient. I know they've been trying to get to Mum, but I think the problem is that Mum can't - or won't maybe? - let them talk to her or, whatever it is that they need to do. So they discovered, somehow, I don't know how, that they could talk to me instead. Or maybe it's Rudolph. Could be both of us. Anyway, I tried to contact them without Rudolph, but it didn't work. At first I thought it was because you weren't there, Alyssa, but that can't be right, because I've done it without you since then. It might have been because Jamie was there ... anyway. It doesn't matter, I guess. The point is that they can contact me and, even though it's taking a while, gradually I'm starting to get more and more of the story." she paused in this monologue to feed more popcorn into a mouth, and was still munching as she continued, "So anyway, the one - the worries - have been around for ... well, forever, maybe, or a long time, anyway. People let their worries go, I don't know if the worries are always told to a doll, or if that bit is only the legend, not the fact, but anyway, people let their worries go ... into the mirror I guess, into wherever it is that the worries are, that the one is. I think when there's too many worries, they kind of build up like ... like the steam when you boil water in a saucepan with the lid on. So the worries have to go somewhere, and I think they sort of become more ... powerful, somehow. I don't know what's supposed to happen then, but that's the point that they're at now, and, well, something is going to happen. I think we need to find out what. And what the hell we're supposed to be doing about it. So, I want us all to go to the one, and ask it - her, them, whatever. I can't have more than one person there when I go in though, other than Rudolph of course, and that has to be you, Alyssa, but I'll be able to bring Luke in later on, I think. Well, I'll try, anyway." Belle pushed another handful of popcorn into her mouth, and realised that Rudolph had woken up at the sound of his name, and was sitting eagerly beside her. It seemed as though he had gotten an energy burst from the sleep as well. "So, anyway, you ready?"
"Ready?" Alyssa echoed stupidly, still trying to take in the wad of information that Belle had just landed on her, "What? Now? You want to go now?"
Belle nodded happily, her mouth full.
"It's nearly three in the morning, though Belle!" Alyssa exclaimed.
Belle shrugged and smiled slightly, "It's all the same to me. Why are sighted people so finicky about the time always?" the corner of her mouth curled up with the irony.
"Because light is important to some of us," Alyssa grumbled, "And so is sleep. Let's all get another few hours sleep, then we can go exploring behind the mirror. I made you popcorn, the least you could so is let me sleep." With that, Alyssa shooed Belle over to one side of the bed, and climbed in under the doona herself, "Now stop talking, and leave me alone for a while."
Belle moved over, affording her sister some room, and Luke curled up on the throw cushions again. Long after both Luke and Alyssa had fallen asleep, Belle and Rudolph lay awake, Rudolph waiting patiently for the humans to wake up, and Belle's mind racing with thoughts. Eventually, she too dozed.
--
When eventually the three of them woke, much to Rudolph's delight, Alyssa insisted on coffee and breakfast before she went anywhere. Belle and Luke both agreed with the coffee, but convinced Alyssa that they would go out for breakfast to her favourite cafe on the beach, immediately after they had glanced into the mirror. Belle was starting to grow impatient. Over the drinks, Alyssa asked Belle to reiterate exactly how she wanted to run things. There was no doubt that Belle was leading the show now. Belle carefully explained the process she wanted to follow, her enthusiasm tempered somewhat from the night before, and having returned to her normally slightly taciturn self. Rudolph sat at their feet, and paced around the flat by turns. Luke got up and opened the door for him, and the dog headed out and relieved himself, ran around a little in the yard, and then came back in on ly slightly calmer than he had been before. Rudolph knew that this was going to be something big, and he was acting as though he just wanted to get it started, so that they could get it over. Belle was feeling much the same way.
--
When Belle did wake up, the movie was coming to an end, and Luke and Alyssa were entwined on the cushions, asleep, their breathing deep, even, and almost perfectly synchronised. Belle had that energised feeling again, and she swung her feet to the floor and stood up all in a rush. She padded over to the toilet and, when she came back in, Luke was sitting up on the floor, Alyssa still asleep beside him, "Hey Belle," he said softly, to let her know he was awake.
Belle smiled, "Hey Luke," she parodied.
"Feeling better?"
"Yup."
"Excellent. Can I, ah, make you a coffee ... or something?"
"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks." she replied. She stepped cautiously past the prone form of her sister on the floor, grabbed the blanket off the futon, and headed out of the front door. When Luke joined her, steaming mugs in hand, she was sitting on the step, wrapped in the blanket, breathing deeply, her face turned up to the night air.
--
Luke settled beside her, wrapping his jacket around himself to ward off the chill in the air. There was no moon tonight, the only light that cast from the door behind them, affording him no more than a few metres of vision. He wondered idly, and not for the first time, what it was like in Belle's world, to not have even this much vision, to be caught in a permanent and unrelenting blackout. He couldn't imagine it.
"The other night, you said something, and I have been thinking about that."
Belle said nothing, waiting for him to elaborate. The silence hung between them like a physical thing.
"I ... um. You said that when you look in the mirror you can see, and I was wondering what you meant by that."
Belle remained silent, and only when it appeared that he was being serious, and expecting a serious answer, did she say shortly, "I meant I could see."
The silence grew. Eventually, Belle decided to elaborate, "I mean, normally I can't. When I look in the mirror, and talk to the one, I can see. Like, stuff. Whatever. Like you do."
"I don't ... I don't understand." Luke stammered, clearly uncomfortable with this admission.
Belle frowned, "I don't know how else to explain it, Luke. Are you dense on purpose, or what? Normally, I can't see anything - nothing at all, just blackness. When I go to the mirror, and I speak to the one, or the one speaks to me, I can see. I can see the room, the mirror, the images in the mirror. I can see the people who are in the room with me. I can see. How else can I explain this?"
"So when you say you can see, you mean you an actually, like, see stuff? I thought you might have meant it, I don't know, like metaphorically or something. That's ... wow. That's weird."
"You're telling me." Belle said dryly.
"Who's the one?" Luke asked abruptly.
"The one? The one in the mirror. The mirror is full of worry dolls, and of the worries they hold. The one is all of them, all at once. The one can explain it, all of it, and the one is the thing that's going to help me understand it. I think."
Luke nodded, and the two of them lapsed back into silence.
--
Belle and Luke were still sitting in a companiable silence, the coffees now consumed, when the door cracked open behind them and Alyssa peered out, her hair messy and her face rumpled. "Oh, here you both are," she mumbled in a sleep-riddled voice, "I was wondering what had become of you both."
Luke stood, and hugged her, kissed the top of her head, and bundled her back into the flat, mumbling something about keeping her warm. Alyssa allowed herself to be taken back inside. After a few minutes, Belle followed them in, saying "What happened to the popcorn?"
"We ate it." Alyssa pointed out, "Hours ago."
"Damn. Got any more?"
Alyssa thought briefly before saying, "Yeah, I think there's another packet in there. I bought a box of them not that long ago."
Belle went to the kitchenette, started opening cupboards and ratting through them, feeling a packet of microwave popcorn, until Alyssa came in behind her and said impatiently, "You'll have everything on the floor doing that Belle, here let me look."
Belle, mission accomplished, went back into the loungeroom and sat down on the futon, legs crossed. She leant over and gave Rudolph, who was still sleeping soundly on the floor, a pat, and he didn't budge under her hand. She smiled to herself.
"Well," she said as soon as she heard Alyssa put the popcorn into the microwave, "I think I've got the beginnings of an idea."
Neither Alyssa nor Luke said anything, but she could tell that suddenly, and possibly like never before, she had their full rapt attention, and she gave another smile.
"Yeah, I think I'm starting to understand waht's going on. But I need to look in the mirror again. This time, Alyssa, I need you to come with me."
"Ahh, Okay. I guess. Are you going to tell us the plan first?"
"No." Belle said simply, "I think you'll understand better if you hear it from the one. Luke, will you join us?"
"Err. I guess so." he stammered, taken by surprise.
"Great! What you will need to do is wait until Alyssa and I are in, with Rudolph, and then come and hold our hands, and will bring you in with us, but no earlier, okay?"
"Ah, okay. Yeah, I guess I can do that. How will I know when though?"
The microwave beeped, and Belle waited while she listened to Belle tip the hot popcorn into the bowl, her mouth watering at the smell, and then smiled in Luke's direction, "It's okay," she said finally, "You'll just know."
--
Belle sat cross legged on the futon, the popcorn bowl balanced delicately on her ankles, and shoved handfuls into her mouth as she spoke, "Okay, the thing is this, the one only exists when the dolls - well the worries, the dolls aren't really there, it's more the worries - need it to. So it seems as though they've needed something for a while, I'm not quite sure what it is, but it's something important, and they're getting impatient. I know they've been trying to get to Mum, but I think the problem is that Mum can't - or won't maybe? - let them talk to her or, whatever it is that they need to do. So they discovered, somehow, I don't know how, that they could talk to me instead. Or maybe it's Rudolph. Could be both of us. Anyway, I tried to contact them without Rudolph, but it didn't work. At first I thought it was because you weren't there, Alyssa, but that can't be right, because I've done it without you since then. It might have been because Jamie was there ... anyway. It doesn't matter, I guess. The point is that they can contact me and, even though it's taking a while, gradually I'm starting to get more and more of the story." she paused in this monologue to feed more popcorn into a mouth, and was still munching as she continued, "So anyway, the one - the worries - have been around for ... well, forever, maybe, or a long time, anyway. People let their worries go, I don't know if the worries are always told to a doll, or if that bit is only the legend, not the fact, but anyway, people let their worries go ... into the mirror I guess, into wherever it is that the worries are, that the one is. I think when there's too many worries, they kind of build up like ... like the steam when you boil water in a saucepan with the lid on. So the worries have to go somewhere, and I think they sort of become more ... powerful, somehow. I don't know what's supposed to happen then, but that's the point that they're at now, and, well, something is going to happen. I think we need to find out what. And what the hell we're supposed to be doing about it. So, I want us all to go to the one, and ask it - her, them, whatever. I can't have more than one person there when I go in though, other than Rudolph of course, and that has to be you, Alyssa, but I'll be able to bring Luke in later on, I think. Well, I'll try, anyway." Belle pushed another handful of popcorn into her mouth, and realised that Rudolph had woken up at the sound of his name, and was sitting eagerly beside her. It seemed as though he had gotten an energy burst from the sleep as well. "So, anyway, you ready?"
"Ready?" Alyssa echoed stupidly, still trying to take in the wad of information that Belle had just landed on her, "What? Now? You want to go now?"
Belle nodded happily, her mouth full.
"It's nearly three in the morning, though Belle!" Alyssa exclaimed.
Belle shrugged and smiled slightly, "It's all the same to me. Why are sighted people so finicky about the time always?" the corner of her mouth curled up with the irony.
"Because light is important to some of us," Alyssa grumbled, "And so is sleep. Let's all get another few hours sleep, then we can go exploring behind the mirror. I made you popcorn, the least you could so is let me sleep." With that, Alyssa shooed Belle over to one side of the bed, and climbed in under the doona herself, "Now stop talking, and leave me alone for a while."
Belle moved over, affording her sister some room, and Luke curled up on the throw cushions again. Long after both Luke and Alyssa had fallen asleep, Belle and Rudolph lay awake, Rudolph waiting patiently for the humans to wake up, and Belle's mind racing with thoughts. Eventually, she too dozed.
--
When eventually the three of them woke, much to Rudolph's delight, Alyssa insisted on coffee and breakfast before she went anywhere. Belle and Luke both agreed with the coffee, but convinced Alyssa that they would go out for breakfast to her favourite cafe on the beach, immediately after they had glanced into the mirror. Belle was starting to grow impatient. Over the drinks, Alyssa asked Belle to reiterate exactly how she wanted to run things. There was no doubt that Belle was leading the show now. Belle carefully explained the process she wanted to follow, her enthusiasm tempered somewhat from the night before, and having returned to her normally slightly taciturn self. Rudolph sat at their feet, and paced around the flat by turns. Luke got up and opened the door for him, and the dog headed out and relieved himself, ran around a little in the yard, and then came back in on ly slightly calmer than he had been before. Rudolph knew that this was going to be something big, and he was acting as though he just wanted to get it started, so that they could get it over. Belle was feeling much the same way.
Behind These Eyes - Part Eighteen
Alyssa made the drinks, and Belle slumped at the table, her mind still whirling with all the things that she had learnt. Just like before, she had been given a great lump of information, but not the means to be able to understand it all. She knew that Alyssa was burning to know what had happened, but that she was too ashamed of her most recent behaviour to be able to demand that Belle tell her all about it. She wondered how she was going to work out what she had to do before her mother and Jamie got back. She was running out of time.
--
Over coffee, Belle agreed to help Alyssa out with the cleaning up of the flat. She wasn't sure how she could help, but she guessed she could push a broom, or at least offer moral support. Or something. She guessed it was a good idea to do this before Mandy and Jamie arrived back home, anyway, and apparently it was already late in the day. She had been in front of the mirror for quite some time, it seemed. Belle could feel Alyssa's eyes burning her, wanting to know more, and eventually Alyssa worked up the courage to ask, "So, what happened in there ... before?"
Belle gave a sigh, "Look, I don't know that there's anything I can tell you. It's strange, I get given these lumps of information. It's like ... imagine a big ball of chewing gum, that's gotten stuck in your hair. You can't just rip it out, you need to untangle it slowly, from the outside in to the middle. I don't know how to disentangle that big knot. I don't know how to find out what's in the middle.
"You cut blobs of chewing gum out of your hair, you don't disentangle them."
Belle's lips straightened into a frustrated line, and before she could speak, Alyssa interrupted, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. That was mean."
Belle sighed again, "It's okay. I know it's frustrating for you, but it is for me too. I need to think about this for a while, I think a sleep will help. I feel really whacked out. But I always seem to feel a lot better after a sleep."
Alyssa nodded sadly, even though Belle couldn't see it, and then said suddenly, "What's it like, Belle? When you ... go in to the mirror?"
"I don't know if I woudl call it going in to the mirror, it's more like ..." she paused, thinking, "It's more like they come out to me. Well, the one does. But the one is made up of the many." she gave a laugh, "that sounds stupid."
Alyssa was thoughtful, a memory had occurred to her all of a sudden, "No," she said slowly, "It's not stupid. I remember that. A face, in the mirror, that was made up of ... smaller faces. Not just faces, either, hands and mouths and eyes and people, changing, changing into things. From good things to bad things and sad thing to happy things."
By this time, Belle was nodding. That was exactly what it was.
"So who are they, Belle? Who are those people? And who is the one?"
Belle raised a hand in a stop sign, "Slow down. One question at a time. The people, the small faces in the mirror, are the worries that the worry dolls hold. Or, more to the point, they are the people who have had the worries. The changes in them are the worries themselves." Belle shook her head, "That doesn't make much sense. The idea is that the people who worry, they worry about changes in their normal lives. Like, they worry that someone who is happy is going to suddenly be unhappy, or that the smile they see is a lie, or that they are healthy now, but won't be very long, or they are sick but instead of getting better, they might die. Does that make sense?"
"Strangely enough, yeah, it does make a kind of sense."
"The one is ... I'm not sure. The one is like a collective consious, maybe, of all the dolls, and all the worries. It's like a ... a guiding force for them, or something."
When Belle stopped, Alyssa said nothing, she was taking it all in. Eventually, she raised her head, and looked at her sister again, "Why are they in the mirror?"
Belle shrugged, "No idea. Not even an inkling." she paused, "How about ordering that chinese meal? And waking me up when it gets here?"
Alyssa chuckled, "Okay, but you have to promise to help me clean up after dinner."
Belle smiled, "Sure. But I want sleep and duck first."
"You're on."
--
When Belle woke up, she felt marginally better, although she realised that she what she really needed was a full night's sleep. She guessed she would get it soon enough. For now, though, the smell of soy sauce and jasmine rice was drifting through the house, and it was making her stomach rumble. She padded out to the kitchen, for once without a trailing dog. He was still asleep on his bed in the corner of the room, snoring softly in his doggy dreams.
Alyssa was paying the woman who had made the delivery out of the money that Jamie had left for them under a magnet on the fridge. She thanked Alyssa and left, and Alyssa brought the bag into the dining room. Belle was already assembling plates with chopsticks for Alyssa, and a fork for herself. Behind blind did not make the use of chopsticks easy, so she chose to forgo them in preference of being able to actually eat something. They sat at the table and Alyssa pulled things open, explaining to Belle what they were as she did so. Belle munched on a dim sim as this was happening, and as soon as Alyssa had everything open she dove in. She was starving.
When the phone rang, she ignored it. Alyssa got up to answer and Belle continued eating.
--
"Hello?"
"Hi Liss, it's Mum."
"Oh hey Mum, how's the holiday?"
"Good! Really good. The weather is lovely, it's been good to just relax."
"That's great, Mum, I'm glad you're having a good time. So are you coming back tonight?"
"No, that's partly why I'm calling. We thought we might come back tomorrow night instead. Will you girls be okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine. We're just having dinner now."
"Ah great. What are you having?"
"Belle wanted Mongolian Duck, so I ordered Chinese for her."
"Excellent. Excellent. So, um, how's everything been ... otherwise?"
"Good Mum. Great. We've just been sitting around watching DVDs today. We've been relaxing too. The weather's pretty cold and miserable."
"Oh I see. Well, that sounds alright. Can you make sure that Belle gets to school alright in the morning?"
"Mum, she's fifteen. I think she can get herself ready for school, don't you?"
"Heh, yeah, I guess so. I forget sometimes, how grown up you both are now. Okay, well, behave yourselves, and we'll see you tomorrow night. Make sure you call me if you need anything."
"Sure Mum, of course. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. And stop worrying about us."
"Ha! I'll never stop worrying about you two. See you tomorrow, Liss. Love you.
"Love you too, Mum. Bye"
"Say love you to Belle, as well, okay?"
"Of course Mum. Bye."
"Bye"
--
"Mum says she loves you" Alyssa reported dutifully.
"Oh right." Belle muttered through a mouthful of duck, she swallowed and asked, "When are they coming back?".
"Tomorrow night, she said."
"Excellent." Belle said brightly, "I need an excuse to stay home from school tomorrow then, unless I suddenly work out what this thing is about in the next hour or so."
"Why?" Alyssa asked, frowning.
"Well, I know that Mum's involved somehow, but I don't know how. And I want to try and work it out before they get back. I think I'm going to have to approach Mum pretty carefully, whatever I have to talk to her about. She seems just seems so ... fragile right now."
"Yeah, you're right," Alyssa agreed, thoughtfully, "She sounded as though she wanted to know what had happened with the worry dolls, but like she wasn't quite brave enough to ask. I didn't tell her anything," she hastened to add, "I told her we'd been watching DVDs all day. She did say to make sure you got to school alright in the morning though."
Belle raised an eyebrow over a mouthful of rice.
"Yeah, I know. I told her you were old enough to get yourself to school these days."
"Too right." Belle mumbled indignantly.
--
After dinner, they packed the dirty plates into the kitchen sink, but didn't wash up. Alyssa made Belle promise to do it tomorrow, in return for her not telling their mother about her missing school tomorrow. Belle, all too readily, agreed. Together, they traispsed out to Alyssa's flat to clean up. Rudolph had woken up in time to join them, and now walked out between the two girls. The had barely stepped outside when Alyssa suddenly stopped. Belle frowned at her, "What is it?" she asked.
Alyssa swallowed, as though she was nervous, "Luke's here." she said shortly, nervously.
"Oh good," Belle said guilelessly, and continued to walk towards the flat, "he can help us clean up the dolls."
--
Belle waited at the door of the flat, Rudolph at her feet, for Alyssa to catch up. Partly, she didn't want to walk in without someone to tell her where the dolls were on the floor, but mostly, she wanted to hear what happened between Luke and her sister.
--
Alyssa waited where she was for Luke to come up to her. She had no idea what she felt in this matter yet. She wasn't ready for a confrontation, and she wasn't sure if he was coming bearing an apology or an argument. She tried to steel herself for either. He unfolded his lanky body from the driver's seat, but kept his eyes down. She tried to work out if the lack of eye contact was from anger or shame, but couldn't decide. She watched him walk towards her, willing him to lift his eyes, and eventually he did. The hang dog look in them nearly broke her heart.
"Hi." he said softly as he got closer.
"Hi yourself." she replied, just as softly.
"How are you?" he asked, out of politemess, but also to put off the words he knew he had to say.
"Good thanks." she responded, formally, although the flash in her eyes as she said it belied the words the spoke.
"That's good." He paused, "I came to say I'm ... came to say that I'm sorry."
Alyssa nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak, and dropped her own eyes from his gaze. Softly, with tears threatening to choke her, she said "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have," she swallowed, trying to remove the lump from her throat, "I shouldn't have, yelled at you."
"You didn't yell at me. You were yelling at the situation. I'm sorry I took off. I was angry."
Alyssa shrugged, and Luke caught her shoulders as she did so, and pulled her in to him.
"I love you, Liss." he mumbled into her hair.
Alyssa let the tears flow, then.
--
Alyssa finally broke away from the embrace, scrubbed at her face, and sniffed.
"I have a very messy flat." she said finally.
Luke laughed, "Yeah, I guess you do."
"Belle was going to help," Alyssa looked up at her sister, who was standing at the door to the flat and pretending she wasn't listening, "But I'm not sure how useful she'll be. She's dead tired too, she's been at the mirror most of the day."
"I'll help you," Luke said, "Maybe she can lie on the futon and tell us about what she's been seeing."
"Yeah, maybe. She hasn't told me much so far, but I've been such a bitch to everyone today, I haven't wanted to press too hard. Mind you, she says she hasn't worked it all out yet."
"I say we go clean up, and just let her talk if she wants to talk. Come on."
Luke took Alyssa's hand, and led her to the door of the flat. It surprised both of them when the door was opened, and the flat was devoid of a single doll. Even the salad bowl stood empty.
--
Over coffee, Belle agreed to help Alyssa out with the cleaning up of the flat. She wasn't sure how she could help, but she guessed she could push a broom, or at least offer moral support. Or something. She guessed it was a good idea to do this before Mandy and Jamie arrived back home, anyway, and apparently it was already late in the day. She had been in front of the mirror for quite some time, it seemed. Belle could feel Alyssa's eyes burning her, wanting to know more, and eventually Alyssa worked up the courage to ask, "So, what happened in there ... before?"
Belle gave a sigh, "Look, I don't know that there's anything I can tell you. It's strange, I get given these lumps of information. It's like ... imagine a big ball of chewing gum, that's gotten stuck in your hair. You can't just rip it out, you need to untangle it slowly, from the outside in to the middle. I don't know how to disentangle that big knot. I don't know how to find out what's in the middle.
"You cut blobs of chewing gum out of your hair, you don't disentangle them."
Belle's lips straightened into a frustrated line, and before she could speak, Alyssa interrupted, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. That was mean."
Belle sighed again, "It's okay. I know it's frustrating for you, but it is for me too. I need to think about this for a while, I think a sleep will help. I feel really whacked out. But I always seem to feel a lot better after a sleep."
Alyssa nodded sadly, even though Belle couldn't see it, and then said suddenly, "What's it like, Belle? When you ... go in to the mirror?"
"I don't know if I woudl call it going in to the mirror, it's more like ..." she paused, thinking, "It's more like they come out to me. Well, the one does. But the one is made up of the many." she gave a laugh, "that sounds stupid."
Alyssa was thoughtful, a memory had occurred to her all of a sudden, "No," she said slowly, "It's not stupid. I remember that. A face, in the mirror, that was made up of ... smaller faces. Not just faces, either, hands and mouths and eyes and people, changing, changing into things. From good things to bad things and sad thing to happy things."
By this time, Belle was nodding. That was exactly what it was.
"So who are they, Belle? Who are those people? And who is the one?"
Belle raised a hand in a stop sign, "Slow down. One question at a time. The people, the small faces in the mirror, are the worries that the worry dolls hold. Or, more to the point, they are the people who have had the worries. The changes in them are the worries themselves." Belle shook her head, "That doesn't make much sense. The idea is that the people who worry, they worry about changes in their normal lives. Like, they worry that someone who is happy is going to suddenly be unhappy, or that the smile they see is a lie, or that they are healthy now, but won't be very long, or they are sick but instead of getting better, they might die. Does that make sense?"
"Strangely enough, yeah, it does make a kind of sense."
"The one is ... I'm not sure. The one is like a collective consious, maybe, of all the dolls, and all the worries. It's like a ... a guiding force for them, or something."
When Belle stopped, Alyssa said nothing, she was taking it all in. Eventually, she raised her head, and looked at her sister again, "Why are they in the mirror?"
Belle shrugged, "No idea. Not even an inkling." she paused, "How about ordering that chinese meal? And waking me up when it gets here?"
Alyssa chuckled, "Okay, but you have to promise to help me clean up after dinner."
Belle smiled, "Sure. But I want sleep and duck first."
"You're on."
--
When Belle woke up, she felt marginally better, although she realised that she what she really needed was a full night's sleep. She guessed she would get it soon enough. For now, though, the smell of soy sauce and jasmine rice was drifting through the house, and it was making her stomach rumble. She padded out to the kitchen, for once without a trailing dog. He was still asleep on his bed in the corner of the room, snoring softly in his doggy dreams.
Alyssa was paying the woman who had made the delivery out of the money that Jamie had left for them under a magnet on the fridge. She thanked Alyssa and left, and Alyssa brought the bag into the dining room. Belle was already assembling plates with chopsticks for Alyssa, and a fork for herself. Behind blind did not make the use of chopsticks easy, so she chose to forgo them in preference of being able to actually eat something. They sat at the table and Alyssa pulled things open, explaining to Belle what they were as she did so. Belle munched on a dim sim as this was happening, and as soon as Alyssa had everything open she dove in. She was starving.
When the phone rang, she ignored it. Alyssa got up to answer and Belle continued eating.
--
"Hello?"
"Hi Liss, it's Mum."
"Oh hey Mum, how's the holiday?"
"Good! Really good. The weather is lovely, it's been good to just relax."
"That's great, Mum, I'm glad you're having a good time. So are you coming back tonight?"
"No, that's partly why I'm calling. We thought we might come back tomorrow night instead. Will you girls be okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine. We're just having dinner now."
"Ah great. What are you having?"
"Belle wanted Mongolian Duck, so I ordered Chinese for her."
"Excellent. Excellent. So, um, how's everything been ... otherwise?"
"Good Mum. Great. We've just been sitting around watching DVDs today. We've been relaxing too. The weather's pretty cold and miserable."
"Oh I see. Well, that sounds alright. Can you make sure that Belle gets to school alright in the morning?"
"Mum, she's fifteen. I think she can get herself ready for school, don't you?"
"Heh, yeah, I guess so. I forget sometimes, how grown up you both are now. Okay, well, behave yourselves, and we'll see you tomorrow night. Make sure you call me if you need anything."
"Sure Mum, of course. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. And stop worrying about us."
"Ha! I'll never stop worrying about you two. See you tomorrow, Liss. Love you.
"Love you too, Mum. Bye"
"Say love you to Belle, as well, okay?"
"Of course Mum. Bye."
"Bye"
--
"Mum says she loves you" Alyssa reported dutifully.
"Oh right." Belle muttered through a mouthful of duck, she swallowed and asked, "When are they coming back?".
"Tomorrow night, she said."
"Excellent." Belle said brightly, "I need an excuse to stay home from school tomorrow then, unless I suddenly work out what this thing is about in the next hour or so."
"Why?" Alyssa asked, frowning.
"Well, I know that Mum's involved somehow, but I don't know how. And I want to try and work it out before they get back. I think I'm going to have to approach Mum pretty carefully, whatever I have to talk to her about. She seems just seems so ... fragile right now."
"Yeah, you're right," Alyssa agreed, thoughtfully, "She sounded as though she wanted to know what had happened with the worry dolls, but like she wasn't quite brave enough to ask. I didn't tell her anything," she hastened to add, "I told her we'd been watching DVDs all day. She did say to make sure you got to school alright in the morning though."
Belle raised an eyebrow over a mouthful of rice.
"Yeah, I know. I told her you were old enough to get yourself to school these days."
"Too right." Belle mumbled indignantly.
--
After dinner, they packed the dirty plates into the kitchen sink, but didn't wash up. Alyssa made Belle promise to do it tomorrow, in return for her not telling their mother about her missing school tomorrow. Belle, all too readily, agreed. Together, they traispsed out to Alyssa's flat to clean up. Rudolph had woken up in time to join them, and now walked out between the two girls. The had barely stepped outside when Alyssa suddenly stopped. Belle frowned at her, "What is it?" she asked.
Alyssa swallowed, as though she was nervous, "Luke's here." she said shortly, nervously.
"Oh good," Belle said guilelessly, and continued to walk towards the flat, "he can help us clean up the dolls."
--
Belle waited at the door of the flat, Rudolph at her feet, for Alyssa to catch up. Partly, she didn't want to walk in without someone to tell her where the dolls were on the floor, but mostly, she wanted to hear what happened between Luke and her sister.
--
Alyssa waited where she was for Luke to come up to her. She had no idea what she felt in this matter yet. She wasn't ready for a confrontation, and she wasn't sure if he was coming bearing an apology or an argument. She tried to steel herself for either. He unfolded his lanky body from the driver's seat, but kept his eyes down. She tried to work out if the lack of eye contact was from anger or shame, but couldn't decide. She watched him walk towards her, willing him to lift his eyes, and eventually he did. The hang dog look in them nearly broke her heart.
"Hi." he said softly as he got closer.
"Hi yourself." she replied, just as softly.
"How are you?" he asked, out of politemess, but also to put off the words he knew he had to say.
"Good thanks." she responded, formally, although the flash in her eyes as she said it belied the words the spoke.
"That's good." He paused, "I came to say I'm ... came to say that I'm sorry."
Alyssa nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak, and dropped her own eyes from his gaze. Softly, with tears threatening to choke her, she said "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have," she swallowed, trying to remove the lump from her throat, "I shouldn't have, yelled at you."
"You didn't yell at me. You were yelling at the situation. I'm sorry I took off. I was angry."
Alyssa shrugged, and Luke caught her shoulders as she did so, and pulled her in to him.
"I love you, Liss." he mumbled into her hair.
Alyssa let the tears flow, then.
--
Alyssa finally broke away from the embrace, scrubbed at her face, and sniffed.
"I have a very messy flat." she said finally.
Luke laughed, "Yeah, I guess you do."
"Belle was going to help," Alyssa looked up at her sister, who was standing at the door to the flat and pretending she wasn't listening, "But I'm not sure how useful she'll be. She's dead tired too, she's been at the mirror most of the day."
"I'll help you," Luke said, "Maybe she can lie on the futon and tell us about what she's been seeing."
"Yeah, maybe. She hasn't told me much so far, but I've been such a bitch to everyone today, I haven't wanted to press too hard. Mind you, she says she hasn't worked it all out yet."
"I say we go clean up, and just let her talk if she wants to talk. Come on."
Luke took Alyssa's hand, and led her to the door of the flat. It surprised both of them when the door was opened, and the flat was devoid of a single doll. Even the salad bowl stood empty.
Behind These Eyes - Part Seventeen
Belle had been thinking durign class, and realised that part of the problem she had experienced was that she couldn't unravel the voices of the dolls - if that is where those voices were coming from - and the voices of Alyssa and Jamie. It was like trying to listen to three conversations at once, but, somehow it was different to that too. More like trying to listen to three streams of consciousness at once. There was too much detail - and too much sensory input. She was getting thoughts and ideas, smell and touch, all in one big package. When she tried to sort through it, to find the narrative that she needed to be able to make sense of it all, she couldn't find the end of the piece of string. It was like a big ball of sticky spaghetti. No matter how much she dag through it to find the main string, the ball got more and more complex, more tightly wrapped up, and more impenetrable. She had wondered if, by reducing the number of people feeding information to her, she could help to cut through it. She didn't want to go alone though, because there was something in her that realised that the images in the mirror were important.
--
Jamie got up and made another cup of coffee, and by the time the two cups had been finished, Jamie had claimed defeat. They packed up the game and as he put the lid on the box, Jamie looked up, "When?" he asked.
Belle thought for a minute and then said, "Now."
Jamie frowned, "What about your mother?"
"How out of it is she?"
"Hmmm." Jamie sighed, "Yeah, she's pretty out of it."
"So. Now, then?"
Jamie hesitated, then nodded in agreement, "Yeah, okay. No time like the present, huh?"
Belle raised a corner of her mouth in a cheeky smile, "Gee, thanks, Jamie, you didn't have to get me a present. It's not even my birthday."
"Ha, ha." Jamie deadpanned.
--
Belle led, just like last time, but she didn't move as cautiously as she had that time. She crept into the room, listenign for her mother, and hearing only the very barest of breathing - steady and slow - Jamie was right, she thought, her mother was really out of it. She hoped she was alright, and then turned her attention to the mirror, the worries, and the dolls. She concenrated hard to block out Jamie behind her, her mother prone in the bed, and tried to just clear her mind. She was in front of the dressing table now, she could reach out her hand and brush the cold glass with her fingertips. Slowly, she began to mutter under her breath, trying not to think too much about what she was saying, letting the dolls - or whoever - speak through her, use her mouth to communicate whatever they needed to tell her.
"I had a little dolly," she began, "I told it my worry. And then it went red, and now they're all dead. I am so terribly sorry. I had a little dolly, I told it my worry ..." she continued on, but felt nothing. In fact, she started to just feel a little bit silly. She became conscious of Jamie standing behine her, watching her, watching the mirror. She stopped, abruptly, and turned to him, "Can you see anything?"
"No, nothing." Jamie replied.
"There's nothing there. They are not there."
Jamie paused, thinking, and eventualy nodded and said, "Yeah, I think you're right." He turned to look at Mandy and then asked Belle softly, "Do you think it's ... it's because of Mandy?"
Belle frowned and shook her head, "No, I dont' think so." She paused again and then realised something, "I think it's because of Alyssa."
"Alyssa?"
"Yeah, I think they want her. I don't think they want me."
"They? Want who? Why?" Jamie stammered.
Belle shrugged her shoulders, and headed outside, calling for Rudolph.
--
Belle found Rudolph sitting outside near his bowl, but he jumped up when Belle arrived, and offered his head for a pat. Belle obliged, and decided to head out to the flat to see if Alyssa was around. She knocked at the dor, but there was no answer.
--
Alyssa and Luke were out having dinner. They had emerged from bed sometime in the middle of the afternoon and then decided they were both hungry. Luke had driven them to a Chinese restaurant in the main shopping strip that ran parrallel to the beach. They were laughing over the chopsticks as Alyssa tried to teach him how to use them, and Luke sent various pieces of Dim Sim and stir fry all over the table cloth. Eventually, after complaining that he was starving, he resorted to a spoon, watching Alyssa enviously. She laughed and showed off, and ended up flicking rice all over the place. Laughing, she started picking up individual grains of rice and feeding them to him.
Worry dolls were the furthest thing from their minds.
--
Jamie decided to leave the bed to Mandy, and sleep on the couch. He slept in fits and starts, his dreams plagued by reflections and mysterious little worry dolls. He relived the old man's death a million times over (more), never being able to do anything to help him. He relived the moment that the mirror went cloudy the other night, and saw the faces, but the prominent one was of the old man, struggling on the bed that his wife now slept - catatonic - in. When, at last, the first streaks of light were showing in the sky, Jamie was sitting out on the back verandah, shivering in the cold. He couldn't rid his mind of the images that had plagued him through the night. When, finally, he heard movement inside, he went in himself, expecting to see Belle. Somehow, he didn't really think that Mandy was ever going to get up again, and when he went into the kitchen to brew himself and Belle a coffee, he gave a start when he saw Mandy, pale and haggard, with her head hanging in the sink.
"Honey?" he said softly, and moved towards her.
"I need a drink." she slurred, almost inaudibly.
"Honey, I don't think you do. How about you have a shower instead?" he paused, as Mandy attempted to frown at him, and only succeeded in crumpling her face up like a child throwing a tantrum. "Come on, Darling," he said, trying to sound encouraging. He put his arm around her, tried to lead her away from the sink. She resisted at first, but then came willingly enough. She was very unsteady on her feet, and Jamie allowed her to rest her weight on him. The two of them maneouvred into the ensuite, and Mandy stood swaying slightly as Jamie undressed her. He had undressed her many times before, but there was nothing remotely erotic about this. Her body was slick with sweat, despite the cool weather. He reached out and turned the shower on, adjusted the temperature, and then wondered what to do. After a little while, he simply stepped out of his own clothes, and jumped in with her.
--
When Belle did get out of bed, Mandy was slumped at the kitchen table. Belle could smell old alcohol, barely masked by soap, shampoo and perfume. Jamie was cooking breakfast in the kicthen, and as she moved into the room the smell of frying bacon hit her like a wall. Almost immediately, Belle had a flash back to the afternoon on the beach, and she raised a hand to her cheek. She fought the urge to cower.
"Morning Sleepy Head!" Jamie piped happily from his place at the stove.
Belle tried to put the idea of the woman behind her, cranked a smiled on to her face, and said as brightly as she manage, "Morning Jamie. What are you cooking?"
"Bacon, eggs, toast. And mushrooms if you want them."
"Fried or poached?"
"Fried, all fried. I thought Mandy could use fried." he said in a slightly softer voice.
Belle laughed, "Yeah, I guess she could. Don't suppose you could poach one or two though? Just for me?"
Jamie laughed along with her, "Yeah, alright. Just for you. Do you want bacon?"
Belle's stomach did a slow roll, and the taste of bile reached up into the back of her throat. She swallowed, "No, no bacon. Just eggs and mushrooms. Thanks Jamie." She smiled sweetly, not knowing whether he was facing her or not, and went back out into the dining room.
--
Belle moved into the dining room, and ran her hand along the rise of her mother's shoulders. She did this frequently, as a way of working out where people were sitting when they weren't talking. She found a seat directly opposite Mandy, and sat in.
"Morning Mum." she said fairly softly.
"Mmmf" her mother responded. The sound was muffled, and Belle surmised that her mother had her head on her folded arms.
"How are you feeling this morning?" she asked cagily.
There was a pause, where Mandy lifted her head and tried to focus on her daughter's face. "I'm alive. I guess."
"Well, that's a good start." Belle said brightly. "Jamie's cooking breakfast. You'll feel better if you eat, he said."
"Yeah, I guess so." Mandy's voice drifted into mumbles as her head drooped back down again.
Belle sighed, clearly her mother was not going to be conversational. She got back up, went back into the kitchen, and offered to help Jamie make toast. He accepted, gratefully.
--
Alyssa woke up, and decided to go in to the house to find Belle. When she smelled bacon frying, she immediately agreed to stay for breakfast. The four of them sat at the table together, Alyssa piling bacon on toast, and Mandy pushing her food desultoraly around the plate. Belle ate quietly, and then went into her room. Alyssa, still wiping bacon grease from her lips, followed her shortly afterwards. They sat together on the bed, talking about everything except the goings on with the worry dolls, until eventually Belle decided to tell her exactly what happened the day before. She recounted the story with little emotion, before droppign the bombshell, "I think they need you Liss. They didn't want to talk to Jamie."
"But what could they possibly want from me? I don't feel anything when I touch them, I can't see anything in the mirror. Even that night when we were all there, all I could see was smoke." she paused, thinking, before adding, "Well, that's all I remember seeing."
"You saw more." Belle said matter of factly. "You saw a lot more."
--
That evening, Mandy was starting to feel her normal self again. Well, not quite her normal self, she thought, that person was still off wandering in the wilderness somewhere, wondering where everything had gone awry, and how she had come to take entirely the wrong turn. But she was feeling better. She wasn't sure how she was going to cope if someone decided to have a little chat to her about the (don't say it, don't you dare say it) recent events, but as long as she tried not to think about it, as long as she could believe that it had all been a strange collective dream, then she felt well, alright. Not great, and certainly fragile, but she was okay. It was all going to be (red) okay. When Jamie reminded her about their failed weekend away, and gently suggested that they should go and make the most of what was left of it, she agreed. Perhaps that was what she needed - time away to come back to normal, and forget the strange events of the past few days.
--
Belle found Jamie's excitement amusing. He was running around the house like a five year old on Christmas morning, packing and unpacking, madly trying to find some needed item and then repacking. Mandy was attempting to share his enthusiasm, but Belle could tell it was forced. Her mother seemed strained, somehow, as though someone had forced her brain to go through an aperture the wrong size, and now she was all bent out of shape and confused. Belle realised that the worry dolls had affected her on a deeper level than it had the rest of them, but she couldn't work out how, or why. Or what to do about it. She was still puzzling over this when, finally around lunchtime, Jamie bundled Mandy into the car, and the two of drove off down the driveway. Alyssa and Belle stood at the front door to wave them off, and were not at all surprised when the car got to the road and, instead of turning left to go out to the highway, started reversing back down the short driveway. The driver's side window rolled down as Jamie pulled up in front of them, and his head stuck out, "Would you mind grabbing a box of tissues?" he called. Alyssa dashed into the house, found the box from the lounge room and brought it back out to them. This time, the car dove up the drive way, and Jamie completed the left turn on to the road. The car drove away and finally disappeared around the next bend.
They were still standing on the front verandah when Belle sighed and said "Man, I'm kind of glad they're gone".
There was a pause, then Alyssa gave a little giggle, "Yeah. Me too."
--
They were sitting in Alyssa's flat, discussing a plan to go in and look in the dressing table mirror again, when Luke showed up. They had agreed that they needed to get in there while Mandy and Jamie were away, and Belle explained her theory about having too many people in the room causing too much mind traffic for her to be able to decipher anything. She reiterated the salient points to Luke, and was surprised when he eagerly agreed to wait outside the room when they went in. It was only later that she realised the whole idea terrified him. There was a moment of silence in the tiny room and eventually Belle stood. Rudolph, who had been sitting in the corner, roused himself and came to her side, and she reached down absently to pat him. "Well, Liss." she said, "You ready?"
"Yeah, I guess so." her sister replied, "Ready as I'll ever be."
Belle smiled, "Let's go then."
--
For the third time, Belle crept into her mother's room, and stood before the dressing table mirror. She was flanked by Rudolph on her right and Alyssa on her left. The three of them stood, solemn, as Belle attempted to clear her mind. It was faster this time, she didn't have to think about what she was going to say, she just the words start to flow, and she had barely said the first few words of the ominous little poem when the force of Alyssa'a thoughts slammed into her with physical force. Belle's world, usually black, went suddenly white, and all of a sudden she was seeing. She saw the mirror, its surface cloudy, the mist roiling behind the glass. Tentatively, she turned to her right and looked at Rudolph, saw him for the very first time. He had a dark tip on the end of his tail, she noticed, and smiled. When she turned towards her sister, she realised that she looked exactly how she thought she looked, and this surprised her. The novelty of sight almost made her forget why she was there, and she had to fight back the urge to just run out of the room and look at everything. She realised, though, even in the excitement of the moment, that she was only seeing what Alyssa could see. She was, quite literally, using her sister's eyes. Alyssa looked almost as though she were asleep. Her eyes were open, fixed on the mirror in front of her, but the expression on her face was slack, immobile. Belle had the idea that she was somehow stealing from her, and tried not to get too carried away by the idea that she had sight. Stop (looking) thinking about it, she chided herself, just go (run) with it, where are the (I had a little) dolls, she needed to contact the (I told my little worry) dolls. She put all her attention into the mirror, and watched the roiling (souls) smoke in the glass, trying to make sense of what she could (but this can't be) see. She saw nothing at first, nothing but vague (faces) images that meant nothing to her, but gradually the mist coalesced into (victims) all sorts of images. So many that she had trouble telling one from the other. There was a face, it's mouth open in horror, then laughter; a hand, clenching in a fist, then softly holding a child's; eyes, wide with fear, then creasing into a smile. The images came fast, faster than she could put words to what she was seeing. She started to feel overwhelmed, and struggled to pull her (mind) eyes back from the individual happenings in the mirror. She tried to take in the mirror itself, and to stop concentrating on the (worries) fine details, the images of love and hate, affection and anger. Eventually her (thoughts) eyes started to see another image, a larger one that was made of the tiny individual pieces - a face, it's features created by the smaller images, constantly moving as the tiny scenes played themselves out within it. As she watched, the face began to smile, the edges of its mouth moving, always moving, but forming into a smile all the same. She watched the face, waiting for it to speak and at that exact moment, Alyssa cried out in surprise, Rudolph barked, and Belle's world reverted to the darkness she had always known.
--
When Belle woke up, she was expecting to be back in her own bedroom, but instead it seemed as though she was still in her mother's. It seemed as though she was still lying on the floor in front of the dressing table, Rudolph snuggled up beside her, his breath whistling in and out as he slept. She wondered how much time had passed. She had a blanket over her, and a pillow under her head, but her hip was aching from the hard floor, despite the carpet. She realised that they hadn't had Jamie to pick her up, so they had just left her where she was, and covered her with a blanket.
She sat up, feeling that same surge of energy she had felt last time. She was awake, energetic, and ready for anything. She didn't know what time it was, but she decided to take advantage of the situation. She raced outside to the flat and banged on the door, Rudolph hot on her heels.
--
Inside the flat, Alyssa and Luke were both fast asleep in pre-dawn darkness. When Belle banged on the door, Alyssa rolled over and mumbled in her sleep, but neither of them woke up.
--
Not to be discouraged, Belle raced back into the house. She decided she was going to take advantage of this energy. She wanted to duck into her room to find out what time it was, but then decided against it, she didn't want to waste a moment. Instead, she went back into her mother's room, kicked the blanket and pillow out of the way, and stood in front of the mirror, RUdolph panting at her side.
--
This time it happened quickly - almost too quickly. Belle felt sucked into the world fo the dolls this time, not as though she had gone voluntarily. Before she knew it, there were voices in her head. She opened her eyes, tried to focus, and found that she almost could. She didn't seem to be able to see colour, and the edges of things seemed shimmery. Her sense of smell, ordinarily pretty good, being absolutely amazing, and she got the idea that she was smelling where things were, more so than seeing them. Before long, she realised what was happening. Because Alyssa wasn't there, see was seeing with Rudolph's eyes - and nose - instead. She laughed out loud, thinking, well, thry do call them seeing eye dogs, after all. This time, she couldn't make out the individual figures in the mirror, Rudolph's eyesight just wasn't that good, it seemed. Somehow, it made it easier to focus on that larger image - the face. This time it didn't seem to be smiling though. In fact, it seemed ... angry, almost. When it begam speaking, Belle listened.
--
When Alyssa woke up, the sun was just starting to streak through the window of the flat, the beam of light a blade slicing from in between the curtains and cutting the room in two. Last night when she had woken up after seeing the face in the mirror, she had had a terrible headache, the same as she got when she had been studying for too long at a time, but about ten times worse. This morning, the pain behind her eyes lingered, although the sharp edge had gone. She closed her eyes, wanting to go back to sleep. But sleep didn't seem to want to take her. She slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Luke. She got dressed, found a couple of Nurofen and swallowed them. She decided to go and check on Belle.
--
When she got inside, the house was very quiet. Although the air was still, it felt kind of ... full. As though the house was filled with invisible fairy floss, and she had to wade through it. What was going on here? She walked into the master bedroom, looking for Belle, and found her - somehwat unsurprisingly - standing in front of the dressing table, Rudolph at her side. Belle was staring raptly into the mirror, her head nodding as though she was agreeing with someone. Rudolph stood eyes open, breathing rapidly, but otherwise for all intents and purposes asleep. His features drooped, his bottom jaw hung open, tongue lolling with a long column of drool waving with his breath. Alyssa couldn't see anything in the mirror except for the reflection of the bedroom. She decided to sit on the bed and watch what unfolded.
--
Belle continued to nod, as though listening to some interesting conversation, and Alyssa kept wondering why the dog didn't fall over. Alyssa could see her own reflection behind Belle's, and she wondered who Belle was listening to. She was acting almost as though she was talking to someone only she could see in the mirror, but of course the idea was absurd. As much as some weird stuff was going on with this mirror, and with the dolls, she didn't think it was enough to give sight ot the blind. The very idea was a cliche. Alyssa repositioned herself on the bed, laying on her belly, with her feet on the pillows and her head resting on her hands so she could watch her sister and her dog. She wondered how long they had been like this, how long they still would be, and gradually drifted off to sleep. When she woke up, Belle and Rudolph were gone, and there was a clutch of worry dolls on the carpet where they had been. Alyssa jumped off the bed, gathered up the dolls, shoved them in the pocket of her jeans, and went in search of her sister.
--
She found both Belle and Rudolph back out in the flat. Belle looked tired, sipping coffee with Luke. Rudolph had found a throw cushion and fallen aslepe on it in the reading nook. When Alyssa opened the door they all looked up at her, and she smiled at them. "I fell asleep", she said sheepishly.
Luke returned the grin, "Feel better Sleeping Beauty?" he teased. Alyssa stuck her tongue out at him, and asked for a cup of coffee as she flopped onto the futon, and crawled under the doona to go back to sleep, "My head still hurts." she moaned.
"Your head hurts." Belle muttered, "You should feel mine."
Alyssa suddenly remembered the worry dolls in her pocket, and sat up in bed. "Hey Sis," she called.
Belle looked up, "What?" she grunted.
"I think you dropped something in Mum's room."
Belle frowned, and came out into the living area of the flat. "Huh?"
"More dolls," Alyssa stated, and Belle stopped dead. Alyssa frowned at the look on her sister's face, "What's wrong? You don't have to touch them if you don't want to ..."
Belle sighed, and resumed walking towards Alyssa and the wory dolls, "Yeah, but i do." she said, "That's the thing. I do have to touch them. And then you have to see it in the mirror."
"But ... but I've never seen anything in the mirror!" Alyssa argued.
Belle shook her head, "But you have, Liss. You've seen more in the mirror than you realise."
"I've seen smoke. Smoke and mirrors, ha ha. That's hardly anything like what the others have seen. Jamie with his heart attack victims and Mum with the girl with the head wound."
Luke stepped out of the kitchenette and into the loungeroom, "Alyssa ..." he cautioned, and Alyssa rounded on him, "You just keep out of this, Luke. I know you think you're involved, because you saw the frying pan woman, but you're not. Okay? You're not involved."
Belle waited for Alyssa's tirade to end and then said softly, "But he is, Alyssa. He's just as involved as I am. As you are. As Rudolph is. We're all involved in this. Jamie, too. And Mum. Did you wonder why Mum reacted the way she did, Liss? Did it ever occur to you that she over reacted just a little?"
Alyssa looked shocked, but said nothing, she hadn't thought about her mother much at all, to be honest. She had been so busy either trying not to think about the whole situation at all, or trying to work out the intricacies of the whole thing - why the dolls, why the worries, why Belle, why herself - that she hadn't actually wondered why her mother had gone off the rails. All of a sudden, it seemed odd that she hadn't thought about it, and she felt a bit ashamed.
"They're coming because of Mum. They're here because they want Mum to help them. They can talk to me, but they need Mum. And I need you, and Luke, to help me get the message across. Mum's fragile enough as it is right now, any more pressure is going to break her in two and we'll be carting her off to the asylum in a white jacket. Or finding her passed out on the bathroom floor with a vodka bottle." Belle paused to let the message sink in.
Alyssa was shocked, and she spoke quietly, as though Belle had clearly already gone mad, and should be treated with care, "Belle, first you said they wanted you, then you said they wanted me, now you're saying they want Mum. What next? Rudoplh? And who are 'they' anyway, Belle? Explain that much to me. And what kind of help? What's Mum got that no one else has?"
Belle shrugged, she didn't have answers to any of these questions. "I don't know, Liss. I just don't know. Come with me back to the mirror. Let them talk to you."
Alyssa sighed, "Let me have an hour's sleep, then I'll come with you."
--
While Alyssa slept, Belle convinced Luke to play a round of Monopoly with her. She was busy claiming over five hundred dollars in rent off him when he finally asked her what had happened last night, and this morning.
Belle wondered how much to tell him, and then decided to go for the whole thing, "I could see. Last night, I used Alyssa's eyes, and I could see."
Play stopped. Luke held cash in one hand, and a mortgaged property in the other, You ... you what?" he stammered eventually.
Belle said it again, as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world. "I could see. Rudolph has a dark tip on the end of his tail. I saw that. I saw it with Alyssa's eyes."
Luke allowed his own eyes to wander over to Rudolph, still sleeping in the reading nook, although he already knew that he had a dark tip on his tail. It was out of the ordinary for a golden labrador, they were normally a solid colour, and it had caught his eye when he had first met him. "I don't ... I don't really understand. How could you ... how did that work? Can you see now?"
"No it only worked while I was in the mirror. You know the strange thing, I did it again, this morning, when Alyssa wasn't there. And I saw through Rudolph's eyes. But he doesn't just see with his eyes, he sees with his nose, I could smell things, Luke. You have no idea what that sensation is like."
Luke gave a dry laugh. "Yeah, you've got that right. I don't know what it would be like to be blind, but I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to see things with your nose."
Play resumed, and Belle grew serious again. After a few rolls she spoke softly again, "You know, I was told a lot of stuff this morning by ... well, by someone. I don't know who they were, but they had ... authority. Of some sort. Anyway, they told me a lot, but I don't remember the words they used. It's like they spoke to me in pictures, or ideas. Or maybe it was that they didn't speak at all, they just fed ideas into my head. It wasn't organised, like it is when someone describes something to you, it was like a big dump of information, but I need to unravel it a little bit at a time, bit by bit. It's like I can't access the end of the story, until I fully understand where it started, and all the other things that happen on the way."
Luke didn't meet her eyes, just continued to play the game. Eventually, he spoke nearly under his breath, "I think you're something more than just a little bit special, Belle."
"What do you mean by that, Luke?" she asked suspiciously.
"I mean that you're ... you're somehow more than human. More than ... well, more than normal, I guess." he laughed a little, "That sounds really strange, but I don't know how else to put it."
She laughed at that, but somehow the statement had made her uneasy. She was glad when Alyssa woke up, slightly less grumpy now, and broke the filament of tension that had arisen between the two of them.
--
This time, Alyssa led the procession into the bedroom. She was determined to be more than just a pair of eyes this time around. Luke, convinced to come into the house at least, hung around in the dining room, ready to be on hand in case he was needed. He would at least be needed to drag someone into a bed after it all, he thought ruefully.
Alyssa wasn't going to be nearly as cautious as her younger sister was. She marched in and stood in front of the mirror as though she was challenging it to speak to her. Rudolph eyed Belle, and then reluctantly went and stood beside Alyssa, his flank pressed to her leg. Belle stood on the other side of Alyssa, not really knowing why she was there. It was not as if Alyssa needed someone to be her eyes. The two girls closed their eyes, and together they began to chant,
"I had a little dolly,
I told it my little worry
Then it went ...
Ooooohhhhhhh" Alyssa suddenly moaned. She could feel a force in her head, behind her eyes, like a hand had roughly pushed its way in, and was feeling about for something it had lost. Alyssa struggled, wanting the feeling to (get out! get out!) go away, and she entered a mental struggle with the (spirit) force in her mind. She opened her eyes, and started to scream. Belle's head snapped, as though she had been hit, and she cried out as well. Rudolph began to howl. In an instant, Luke was in the room. He went first to Belle, Alyssa still screaming, her hands clawing at her (get out!) skull, pulling at her (brains) hair, and clawing at her (soul) eyes. Luke started to drag Belle out of the room, and she started to yell, "No! Get Liss! Get her out of here!" Luke stopped, confused, and then, as though suddenly energised by Alyssa's contined screams, he grabbed her under the armpits and dragged her, still screaming at top volume, out of the room.
--
As soon as Alyssa was out of the room, Rudolph calmed down. He went straight to Belle as nuzzled at her as though to check that she was okay. Belle was about to lean down and scratch him behind the ears when she felt a force in her own mind. It was blinding, just a flash, but the message that was imprinted in her mind was very clear. Alyssa was not welcome. Not now. Not ever.
--
When Luke pulled her out of the room, the connection between Alyssa and ... whatever it was snapped like a wire pulled too tight. One moment the sensation of (the one) something inside her head was there, the next it was (broken) gone, as though it had (but it had been) never been there. She struggled out of Luke's grip, shook herself, and said haughtily, "I can walk, leave me alone."
Luke looked sheepish, "Sorry. I ... just wanted to get you out of ... whatever that was."
Alyssa's gaze softened and, although she didn't apologise, she went to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, buried his head into the cleft provided by his collar bone. He allowed her to hug him, but her rebuke still stung him. After a while, he disentangled himself, and they both took a seat at the dining room table. Neither of them wanted to go back into the bedroom, but they didn't want to stray too far either. This whole situation was getting more and more unpredictable all the time.
--
Belle sat down on the end of the bed. Any energy she still had from this morning had been thoroughly zapped by the reaction of the (one) worry dolls in the mirror to Alyssa, and the subsequent blinding adminition that had been delivered direct into her (soul) mind. She couldn't decide if she wanted to lie down and sleep, go and get somehting to eat - maybe coffe, the caffeine might be good, or bad, she couldn't decide - or just lie down here where she was and sleep. The mirror seemed dead now, and even though it was still strangely compelling, she didn't think that it was going to let her in again for a little while. Almost as though it had given her a (blank) time out, like a naughty child. Belle sighed and, still not entirely sure what she was going to do, stood up, and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on.
--
Luke and Alyssa both looked up expectantly when Belle loped into the room, Rudolph trotting at her side. She ignored their gazes, even though she sensed their eyes upon her, and continued into the kitchen. Sometimes, being blind meant you could casually ignore things, and people let you get away with it. Not her sister, though, it seemed, as Alyssa's voice followed her into the kitchen, "Don't ignore me, Belle!"
Belle ignored her anyway, filled the jug at the tap, settled it on its base, and switched it on. She stood, listening to the water heat, the base of the kettle cracking is it warmed. Belle raised her hands to her face and scrubbed at it to try and wake herself up. She thought that, if the coffee didn't do the trick, she was just going to have to have a sleep. She wondered how late in the day it was, her sense of time was all over the place, although she was conscious of them running out of time before Mandy and Jamie got back. She needed to work out what she was supposed to do before they got here, so that she could go ahead and do - whatever it was - when they arrived.
--
Belle made coffees for everyone, unbidden, and brought them one by one into the dining room. She had the habit of always leaving one arm free, either to hold on to Rudolph's harness, or to feel for obstacles. When she had brought all three mugs in and found herself a seat, the expectant silence descended over her like a blanket, and she could feel Alyssa and Luke's eyes on her, waiting. Under the table, Rudolph settled himself on top her feet, which made her smile.
Eventually, Alyssa, unable to contain herself any longer, blurted out, "What was that all about, Belle?"
Belle remained silent, and she could sense Alyssa getting angrier and angrier as the silence dragged on. Eventually, she foudn the words she wanted, "They don't want to speak directly to you, Liss. I'm sorry. I got a ... a flash, of ... something. I don't know what to call it, but it was very clear. They don't want to speak directly to you. I think it's best if you just, well, just bring your eyes."
Alyssa was, strangely, silent. Eventually, she gave a grunt, stood up, and stalked off back to her flat. Luke, somewhat reluctantly, stood as well. As he passed Belle, his hand settled on her shoulder, squeezed lightly, and was gone.
--
Belle decided to have a little sleep, despite the caffeine. When she got to her room, she hit the button on the clock, "Eleven. Forty. Two. Ay-Em" it said in its electronic voice. She was surprised it was still morning, so much had happened already, although it made her realise she had started a lot earlier than she had known at the time. No wonder Alyssa and Luke had still been asleep. She set the alarm for one o'clock in the afternoon, deciding that at that point she would wake up, have something to eat if she felt like lunch, and then go and have a chat to the (one) voices behind the mirror. With or without Alyssa.
--
Luke followed ALyssa out to the flat, and as soon as they were outside she rounded on him, "What does she mean, they don't want to speak directly to me? Who? Who is 'they'? And why does she have some kind of a monopoly on them? And what about all this crap about Mum? What's she got to do with any of it all? It's not my fault she decided to have a nervous breakdown over a couple of worry dolls, is it? And what's the go with that, anyway? We haven't found one in ages ... well, except for the ones I found this morning, of course, but I'm not sure they count. I just dont' understand why Belle thinks she's just so fucking import ..."
During the tirade, Alyssa and Luke had arrived at the front door of the flat. Alyssa pulled the door open and, when she saw what was inside, the flow of angry words just dried up into nothing. The salad bowl full of worry dolls that had sat on her desk for days, virtually forgotten along with her school work, had apparently been upended. The dolls covered every available surface - the floor, the bed, the desk, the bookcase, the breakfast bar, even inside the reading nook she had created. There were hundreds of them, and every single one was tipped out of the bowl and into the small room. Alyssa screamed, more out of frustration and anger than fear. Luke, feeling completely nonplussed, worn out and exasperated, turned around, fished his car keys from his pocket, and drove away, without saying a word. Alyssa let loose with a tirade at his fleeing vehicle, and eventually just sat on the flat's front door step and cried.
--
Belle stirred and rolled over with the commotion outside, decided to ignore it, and went back to sleep.
--
When the alarm went off with the stilted, "Alarm! One. Oh. Clock. Pee-Em. Alarm!" Belle still felt tired. It was incredibly tempting to just switch the alarm off, roll over and go back to sleep. Rudolph padded over to her and rested his muzzle on her bed, "Rudolph," she said patiently, "Much as you are a wonderful dog, I wish you woulnd't leave drool on my bed sheets." With this, she sat up, and swung her feet on to the floor. She gave Rudolph a pat to shw him that she still loved him, and he rumbled happily at her, and followed her into the kitchen. She picked through the well organised fridge for sandwich ham, found bread in the bread box, and fixed herself a sandwich. Knowing her mother would have a fit if she knew, she fixed Rudolph one as well, and let him eat it on the kicthen floor, while she stood and ate hers. She poured herself a glass of water from the tap and drank it down. Satiated, she decided she couldn't put it off any longer, she was going to have to go back in there, and confront the (one) whatever it was.
--
Alyssa decided that, instead of facing the destruction that the worry dolls had wrought on her (life) flat, she was going to go for a walk. It was an overcast day, and the weather was cold, but the wind wasn't blowing too hard, and she decided the beach would be deserted - just what she wanted. She certainly wasn't in the mood to speakto anyone. She walked the couple of blocks to the beach, trying to work out how she had gotten to this point. She wondered what Belle was doing, was she in front of the dressing table mirror now, calling out for her 'eyes'? Was she fast asleep, sleeping off the efforts of the morning? Was she in some dreamland, communing with a bunch of worry dolls, and getting grand ideas about herself, Alyssa, and their mother, amongst who knew what else? Increasingly, she thought about Luke. Would he come back? She understood that she had been more than a little hysterical, but come on, wouldn't anyone be? Surely he could understand that? She arrived at the beach, and stepped onto the sand, the hard crust crunching under her joggers and breaking to reveal to soft, dry layer of sand beneath. It was a good analogy, she thought, the top layer looked tough and unbreakable, but it cracked under just a little pressure, and revealed the soft interior just below the surface. She felt the same, her hard exterior now full of cracks, and exposing her own soft interior. She wasn't coping well with this. When she got down to the hard packed sand near the water, she wasn't all that surprised to find that, instead of the usual shells and bits of seaweed, the beach was strewn with worry dolls.
--
Belle stood in front of the mirror yet again, Rudolph in his usual spot, resting against her right leg. This position was becoming horridly familiar, she thought ruefully. It was with a feeling not quite of impending disaster, but of possibly disastrous inevitability, that she fell into the world beyond the mirror. The world where the dolls where ruled by the one, and the worries were the local currency.
--
Alyssa returned from the beach feeling, if not quite relaxed, at least calmer than she had been, despite the worry dolls at her feet, She had at least realised she wasn't going to be able to escape whatever the dols had in store for her - for them. Still she was not quite willing to face the worry dolls strewn around her flat, and went into the house to find Belle instead. She intended to apologise, but also she wanted to make sure she was okay. The thought had occurred to her that her sister might be attempting to contact the dolls again while she was wandering on the beach trying to gather her thoughts, and could possibly need her help.
When she got to the bedroom, she discovered Belle in the now familiar position in front of the dressing table mirror, Rudolph leaning against her leg, looking as though he was sleeping with his eyes open. Belle wasn't nodding this time, but gazing with rapt attention into the mirror as though it afforded all sorts of delights. Alyssa, predicatably, couldn't see anything except Belle's reflection, and beyond that the bedroom, herself included. She perched on the end of the bed, sitting cross legged, with her elbow on her knee, and her chin in her hand. And waited.
--
This time, the communication lasted longer, and didn't end abruptly as had all the previous ones. Belle thought as she rose once more to the surface of reality, that perhaps she was getting good at this. A strange talent to possess, perhaps, but useful in the circumstances, nevertheless. She felt tired, but not overwhelmingly so. She blinked as she came back into the darkness of her reality, the lights winking out in a fashion, and plunging her back into her usual blind state. At the same time, she became aware of someone sitting behind her, and she turned, "Alyssa?" she asked.
"Yeah, it's me." her sister replied. "That was ... calm."
Belle smiled, "Yeah it was. Nice change, huh?"
Alyssa reddened, "Yeah. I deserved that. Sorry for ... before." she added.
Belle shrugged, "No big deal. This whole ... thing ... is weird. We all deal with things diferently. Where's Luke?"
"Gone." Alyssa stated simply, "My flat is ... well. My flat is over run by worry dolls. When I saw it I ... I lost it, and he ... well, he left. I went for a walk ... on the beach." she stammered, "But I wanted to say sorry. I was a bit of an arse."
"Like I said, no big deal. Will he come back?"
"No idea."
"Do you care?"
Alyssa paused, asking herself the same question and trying to come up with answer that was honest. Eventually she said, "I'm not sure."
Belle shrugged again, taking the admission in her stride, as she did most things. "I'm going to make another coffee, and then I'm going to have a lie down." she stated.
"I might join you for the coffee."
"Okay. Did you have plans for dinner?"
"Not yet. Want to get a delivery? Chinese maybe? Or pizza?"
Belle wrinkled her nose, "Not pizza. Chinese would be good. I could murder a Mongolian Duck."
"The poor duck." Alyssa laughed as she stood. The two of them walked out of the room, Rudolph between them, wagging his tail happily.
--
Jamie got up and made another cup of coffee, and by the time the two cups had been finished, Jamie had claimed defeat. They packed up the game and as he put the lid on the box, Jamie looked up, "When?" he asked.
Belle thought for a minute and then said, "Now."
Jamie frowned, "What about your mother?"
"How out of it is she?"
"Hmmm." Jamie sighed, "Yeah, she's pretty out of it."
"So. Now, then?"
Jamie hesitated, then nodded in agreement, "Yeah, okay. No time like the present, huh?"
Belle raised a corner of her mouth in a cheeky smile, "Gee, thanks, Jamie, you didn't have to get me a present. It's not even my birthday."
"Ha, ha." Jamie deadpanned.
--
Belle led, just like last time, but she didn't move as cautiously as she had that time. She crept into the room, listenign for her mother, and hearing only the very barest of breathing - steady and slow - Jamie was right, she thought, her mother was really out of it. She hoped she was alright, and then turned her attention to the mirror, the worries, and the dolls. She concenrated hard to block out Jamie behind her, her mother prone in the bed, and tried to just clear her mind. She was in front of the dressing table now, she could reach out her hand and brush the cold glass with her fingertips. Slowly, she began to mutter under her breath, trying not to think too much about what she was saying, letting the dolls - or whoever - speak through her, use her mouth to communicate whatever they needed to tell her.
"I had a little dolly," she began, "I told it my worry. And then it went red, and now they're all dead. I am so terribly sorry. I had a little dolly, I told it my worry ..." she continued on, but felt nothing. In fact, she started to just feel a little bit silly. She became conscious of Jamie standing behine her, watching her, watching the mirror. She stopped, abruptly, and turned to him, "Can you see anything?"
"No, nothing." Jamie replied.
"There's nothing there. They are not there."
Jamie paused, thinking, and eventualy nodded and said, "Yeah, I think you're right." He turned to look at Mandy and then asked Belle softly, "Do you think it's ... it's because of Mandy?"
Belle frowned and shook her head, "No, I dont' think so." She paused again and then realised something, "I think it's because of Alyssa."
"Alyssa?"
"Yeah, I think they want her. I don't think they want me."
"They? Want who? Why?" Jamie stammered.
Belle shrugged her shoulders, and headed outside, calling for Rudolph.
--
Belle found Rudolph sitting outside near his bowl, but he jumped up when Belle arrived, and offered his head for a pat. Belle obliged, and decided to head out to the flat to see if Alyssa was around. She knocked at the dor, but there was no answer.
--
Alyssa and Luke were out having dinner. They had emerged from bed sometime in the middle of the afternoon and then decided they were both hungry. Luke had driven them to a Chinese restaurant in the main shopping strip that ran parrallel to the beach. They were laughing over the chopsticks as Alyssa tried to teach him how to use them, and Luke sent various pieces of Dim Sim and stir fry all over the table cloth. Eventually, after complaining that he was starving, he resorted to a spoon, watching Alyssa enviously. She laughed and showed off, and ended up flicking rice all over the place. Laughing, she started picking up individual grains of rice and feeding them to him.
Worry dolls were the furthest thing from their minds.
--
Jamie decided to leave the bed to Mandy, and sleep on the couch. He slept in fits and starts, his dreams plagued by reflections and mysterious little worry dolls. He relived the old man's death a million times over (more), never being able to do anything to help him. He relived the moment that the mirror went cloudy the other night, and saw the faces, but the prominent one was of the old man, struggling on the bed that his wife now slept - catatonic - in. When, at last, the first streaks of light were showing in the sky, Jamie was sitting out on the back verandah, shivering in the cold. He couldn't rid his mind of the images that had plagued him through the night. When, finally, he heard movement inside, he went in himself, expecting to see Belle. Somehow, he didn't really think that Mandy was ever going to get up again, and when he went into the kitchen to brew himself and Belle a coffee, he gave a start when he saw Mandy, pale and haggard, with her head hanging in the sink.
"Honey?" he said softly, and moved towards her.
"I need a drink." she slurred, almost inaudibly.
"Honey, I don't think you do. How about you have a shower instead?" he paused, as Mandy attempted to frown at him, and only succeeded in crumpling her face up like a child throwing a tantrum. "Come on, Darling," he said, trying to sound encouraging. He put his arm around her, tried to lead her away from the sink. She resisted at first, but then came willingly enough. She was very unsteady on her feet, and Jamie allowed her to rest her weight on him. The two of them maneouvred into the ensuite, and Mandy stood swaying slightly as Jamie undressed her. He had undressed her many times before, but there was nothing remotely erotic about this. Her body was slick with sweat, despite the cool weather. He reached out and turned the shower on, adjusted the temperature, and then wondered what to do. After a little while, he simply stepped out of his own clothes, and jumped in with her.
--
When Belle did get out of bed, Mandy was slumped at the kitchen table. Belle could smell old alcohol, barely masked by soap, shampoo and perfume. Jamie was cooking breakfast in the kicthen, and as she moved into the room the smell of frying bacon hit her like a wall. Almost immediately, Belle had a flash back to the afternoon on the beach, and she raised a hand to her cheek. She fought the urge to cower.
"Morning Sleepy Head!" Jamie piped happily from his place at the stove.
Belle tried to put the idea of the woman behind her, cranked a smiled on to her face, and said as brightly as she manage, "Morning Jamie. What are you cooking?"
"Bacon, eggs, toast. And mushrooms if you want them."
"Fried or poached?"
"Fried, all fried. I thought Mandy could use fried." he said in a slightly softer voice.
Belle laughed, "Yeah, I guess she could. Don't suppose you could poach one or two though? Just for me?"
Jamie laughed along with her, "Yeah, alright. Just for you. Do you want bacon?"
Belle's stomach did a slow roll, and the taste of bile reached up into the back of her throat. She swallowed, "No, no bacon. Just eggs and mushrooms. Thanks Jamie." She smiled sweetly, not knowing whether he was facing her or not, and went back out into the dining room.
--
Belle moved into the dining room, and ran her hand along the rise of her mother's shoulders. She did this frequently, as a way of working out where people were sitting when they weren't talking. She found a seat directly opposite Mandy, and sat in.
"Morning Mum." she said fairly softly.
"Mmmf" her mother responded. The sound was muffled, and Belle surmised that her mother had her head on her folded arms.
"How are you feeling this morning?" she asked cagily.
There was a pause, where Mandy lifted her head and tried to focus on her daughter's face. "I'm alive. I guess."
"Well, that's a good start." Belle said brightly. "Jamie's cooking breakfast. You'll feel better if you eat, he said."
"Yeah, I guess so." Mandy's voice drifted into mumbles as her head drooped back down again.
Belle sighed, clearly her mother was not going to be conversational. She got back up, went back into the kitchen, and offered to help Jamie make toast. He accepted, gratefully.
--
Alyssa woke up, and decided to go in to the house to find Belle. When she smelled bacon frying, she immediately agreed to stay for breakfast. The four of them sat at the table together, Alyssa piling bacon on toast, and Mandy pushing her food desultoraly around the plate. Belle ate quietly, and then went into her room. Alyssa, still wiping bacon grease from her lips, followed her shortly afterwards. They sat together on the bed, talking about everything except the goings on with the worry dolls, until eventually Belle decided to tell her exactly what happened the day before. She recounted the story with little emotion, before droppign the bombshell, "I think they need you Liss. They didn't want to talk to Jamie."
"But what could they possibly want from me? I don't feel anything when I touch them, I can't see anything in the mirror. Even that night when we were all there, all I could see was smoke." she paused, thinking, before adding, "Well, that's all I remember seeing."
"You saw more." Belle said matter of factly. "You saw a lot more."
--
That evening, Mandy was starting to feel her normal self again. Well, not quite her normal self, she thought, that person was still off wandering in the wilderness somewhere, wondering where everything had gone awry, and how she had come to take entirely the wrong turn. But she was feeling better. She wasn't sure how she was going to cope if someone decided to have a little chat to her about the (don't say it, don't you dare say it) recent events, but as long as she tried not to think about it, as long as she could believe that it had all been a strange collective dream, then she felt well, alright. Not great, and certainly fragile, but she was okay. It was all going to be (red) okay. When Jamie reminded her about their failed weekend away, and gently suggested that they should go and make the most of what was left of it, she agreed. Perhaps that was what she needed - time away to come back to normal, and forget the strange events of the past few days.
--
Belle found Jamie's excitement amusing. He was running around the house like a five year old on Christmas morning, packing and unpacking, madly trying to find some needed item and then repacking. Mandy was attempting to share his enthusiasm, but Belle could tell it was forced. Her mother seemed strained, somehow, as though someone had forced her brain to go through an aperture the wrong size, and now she was all bent out of shape and confused. Belle realised that the worry dolls had affected her on a deeper level than it had the rest of them, but she couldn't work out how, or why. Or what to do about it. She was still puzzling over this when, finally around lunchtime, Jamie bundled Mandy into the car, and the two of drove off down the driveway. Alyssa and Belle stood at the front door to wave them off, and were not at all surprised when the car got to the road and, instead of turning left to go out to the highway, started reversing back down the short driveway. The driver's side window rolled down as Jamie pulled up in front of them, and his head stuck out, "Would you mind grabbing a box of tissues?" he called. Alyssa dashed into the house, found the box from the lounge room and brought it back out to them. This time, the car dove up the drive way, and Jamie completed the left turn on to the road. The car drove away and finally disappeared around the next bend.
They were still standing on the front verandah when Belle sighed and said "Man, I'm kind of glad they're gone".
There was a pause, then Alyssa gave a little giggle, "Yeah. Me too."
--
They were sitting in Alyssa's flat, discussing a plan to go in and look in the dressing table mirror again, when Luke showed up. They had agreed that they needed to get in there while Mandy and Jamie were away, and Belle explained her theory about having too many people in the room causing too much mind traffic for her to be able to decipher anything. She reiterated the salient points to Luke, and was surprised when he eagerly agreed to wait outside the room when they went in. It was only later that she realised the whole idea terrified him. There was a moment of silence in the tiny room and eventually Belle stood. Rudolph, who had been sitting in the corner, roused himself and came to her side, and she reached down absently to pat him. "Well, Liss." she said, "You ready?"
"Yeah, I guess so." her sister replied, "Ready as I'll ever be."
Belle smiled, "Let's go then."
--
For the third time, Belle crept into her mother's room, and stood before the dressing table mirror. She was flanked by Rudolph on her right and Alyssa on her left. The three of them stood, solemn, as Belle attempted to clear her mind. It was faster this time, she didn't have to think about what she was going to say, she just the words start to flow, and she had barely said the first few words of the ominous little poem when the force of Alyssa'a thoughts slammed into her with physical force. Belle's world, usually black, went suddenly white, and all of a sudden she was seeing. She saw the mirror, its surface cloudy, the mist roiling behind the glass. Tentatively, she turned to her right and looked at Rudolph, saw him for the very first time. He had a dark tip on the end of his tail, she noticed, and smiled. When she turned towards her sister, she realised that she looked exactly how she thought she looked, and this surprised her. The novelty of sight almost made her forget why she was there, and she had to fight back the urge to just run out of the room and look at everything. She realised, though, even in the excitement of the moment, that she was only seeing what Alyssa could see. She was, quite literally, using her sister's eyes. Alyssa looked almost as though she were asleep. Her eyes were open, fixed on the mirror in front of her, but the expression on her face was slack, immobile. Belle had the idea that she was somehow stealing from her, and tried not to get too carried away by the idea that she had sight. Stop (looking) thinking about it, she chided herself, just go (run) with it, where are the (I had a little) dolls, she needed to contact the (I told my little worry) dolls. She put all her attention into the mirror, and watched the roiling (souls) smoke in the glass, trying to make sense of what she could (but this can't be) see. She saw nothing at first, nothing but vague (faces) images that meant nothing to her, but gradually the mist coalesced into (victims) all sorts of images. So many that she had trouble telling one from the other. There was a face, it's mouth open in horror, then laughter; a hand, clenching in a fist, then softly holding a child's; eyes, wide with fear, then creasing into a smile. The images came fast, faster than she could put words to what she was seeing. She started to feel overwhelmed, and struggled to pull her (mind) eyes back from the individual happenings in the mirror. She tried to take in the mirror itself, and to stop concentrating on the (worries) fine details, the images of love and hate, affection and anger. Eventually her (thoughts) eyes started to see another image, a larger one that was made of the tiny individual pieces - a face, it's features created by the smaller images, constantly moving as the tiny scenes played themselves out within it. As she watched, the face began to smile, the edges of its mouth moving, always moving, but forming into a smile all the same. She watched the face, waiting for it to speak and at that exact moment, Alyssa cried out in surprise, Rudolph barked, and Belle's world reverted to the darkness she had always known.
--
When Belle woke up, she was expecting to be back in her own bedroom, but instead it seemed as though she was still in her mother's. It seemed as though she was still lying on the floor in front of the dressing table, Rudolph snuggled up beside her, his breath whistling in and out as he slept. She wondered how much time had passed. She had a blanket over her, and a pillow under her head, but her hip was aching from the hard floor, despite the carpet. She realised that they hadn't had Jamie to pick her up, so they had just left her where she was, and covered her with a blanket.
She sat up, feeling that same surge of energy she had felt last time. She was awake, energetic, and ready for anything. She didn't know what time it was, but she decided to take advantage of the situation. She raced outside to the flat and banged on the door, Rudolph hot on her heels.
--
Inside the flat, Alyssa and Luke were both fast asleep in pre-dawn darkness. When Belle banged on the door, Alyssa rolled over and mumbled in her sleep, but neither of them woke up.
--
Not to be discouraged, Belle raced back into the house. She decided she was going to take advantage of this energy. She wanted to duck into her room to find out what time it was, but then decided against it, she didn't want to waste a moment. Instead, she went back into her mother's room, kicked the blanket and pillow out of the way, and stood in front of the mirror, RUdolph panting at her side.
--
This time it happened quickly - almost too quickly. Belle felt sucked into the world fo the dolls this time, not as though she had gone voluntarily. Before she knew it, there were voices in her head. She opened her eyes, tried to focus, and found that she almost could. She didn't seem to be able to see colour, and the edges of things seemed shimmery. Her sense of smell, ordinarily pretty good, being absolutely amazing, and she got the idea that she was smelling where things were, more so than seeing them. Before long, she realised what was happening. Because Alyssa wasn't there, see was seeing with Rudolph's eyes - and nose - instead. She laughed out loud, thinking, well, thry do call them seeing eye dogs, after all. This time, she couldn't make out the individual figures in the mirror, Rudolph's eyesight just wasn't that good, it seemed. Somehow, it made it easier to focus on that larger image - the face. This time it didn't seem to be smiling though. In fact, it seemed ... angry, almost. When it begam speaking, Belle listened.
--
When Alyssa woke up, the sun was just starting to streak through the window of the flat, the beam of light a blade slicing from in between the curtains and cutting the room in two. Last night when she had woken up after seeing the face in the mirror, she had had a terrible headache, the same as she got when she had been studying for too long at a time, but about ten times worse. This morning, the pain behind her eyes lingered, although the sharp edge had gone. She closed her eyes, wanting to go back to sleep. But sleep didn't seem to want to take her. She slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Luke. She got dressed, found a couple of Nurofen and swallowed them. She decided to go and check on Belle.
--
When she got inside, the house was very quiet. Although the air was still, it felt kind of ... full. As though the house was filled with invisible fairy floss, and she had to wade through it. What was going on here? She walked into the master bedroom, looking for Belle, and found her - somehwat unsurprisingly - standing in front of the dressing table, Rudolph at her side. Belle was staring raptly into the mirror, her head nodding as though she was agreeing with someone. Rudolph stood eyes open, breathing rapidly, but otherwise for all intents and purposes asleep. His features drooped, his bottom jaw hung open, tongue lolling with a long column of drool waving with his breath. Alyssa couldn't see anything in the mirror except for the reflection of the bedroom. She decided to sit on the bed and watch what unfolded.
--
Belle continued to nod, as though listening to some interesting conversation, and Alyssa kept wondering why the dog didn't fall over. Alyssa could see her own reflection behind Belle's, and she wondered who Belle was listening to. She was acting almost as though she was talking to someone only she could see in the mirror, but of course the idea was absurd. As much as some weird stuff was going on with this mirror, and with the dolls, she didn't think it was enough to give sight ot the blind. The very idea was a cliche. Alyssa repositioned herself on the bed, laying on her belly, with her feet on the pillows and her head resting on her hands so she could watch her sister and her dog. She wondered how long they had been like this, how long they still would be, and gradually drifted off to sleep. When she woke up, Belle and Rudolph were gone, and there was a clutch of worry dolls on the carpet where they had been. Alyssa jumped off the bed, gathered up the dolls, shoved them in the pocket of her jeans, and went in search of her sister.
--
She found both Belle and Rudolph back out in the flat. Belle looked tired, sipping coffee with Luke. Rudolph had found a throw cushion and fallen aslepe on it in the reading nook. When Alyssa opened the door they all looked up at her, and she smiled at them. "I fell asleep", she said sheepishly.
Luke returned the grin, "Feel better Sleeping Beauty?" he teased. Alyssa stuck her tongue out at him, and asked for a cup of coffee as she flopped onto the futon, and crawled under the doona to go back to sleep, "My head still hurts." she moaned.
"Your head hurts." Belle muttered, "You should feel mine."
Alyssa suddenly remembered the worry dolls in her pocket, and sat up in bed. "Hey Sis," she called.
Belle looked up, "What?" she grunted.
"I think you dropped something in Mum's room."
Belle frowned, and came out into the living area of the flat. "Huh?"
"More dolls," Alyssa stated, and Belle stopped dead. Alyssa frowned at the look on her sister's face, "What's wrong? You don't have to touch them if you don't want to ..."
Belle sighed, and resumed walking towards Alyssa and the wory dolls, "Yeah, but i do." she said, "That's the thing. I do have to touch them. And then you have to see it in the mirror."
"But ... but I've never seen anything in the mirror!" Alyssa argued.
Belle shook her head, "But you have, Liss. You've seen more in the mirror than you realise."
"I've seen smoke. Smoke and mirrors, ha ha. That's hardly anything like what the others have seen. Jamie with his heart attack victims and Mum with the girl with the head wound."
Luke stepped out of the kitchenette and into the loungeroom, "Alyssa ..." he cautioned, and Alyssa rounded on him, "You just keep out of this, Luke. I know you think you're involved, because you saw the frying pan woman, but you're not. Okay? You're not involved."
Belle waited for Alyssa's tirade to end and then said softly, "But he is, Alyssa. He's just as involved as I am. As you are. As Rudolph is. We're all involved in this. Jamie, too. And Mum. Did you wonder why Mum reacted the way she did, Liss? Did it ever occur to you that she over reacted just a little?"
Alyssa looked shocked, but said nothing, she hadn't thought about her mother much at all, to be honest. She had been so busy either trying not to think about the whole situation at all, or trying to work out the intricacies of the whole thing - why the dolls, why the worries, why Belle, why herself - that she hadn't actually wondered why her mother had gone off the rails. All of a sudden, it seemed odd that she hadn't thought about it, and she felt a bit ashamed.
"They're coming because of Mum. They're here because they want Mum to help them. They can talk to me, but they need Mum. And I need you, and Luke, to help me get the message across. Mum's fragile enough as it is right now, any more pressure is going to break her in two and we'll be carting her off to the asylum in a white jacket. Or finding her passed out on the bathroom floor with a vodka bottle." Belle paused to let the message sink in.
Alyssa was shocked, and she spoke quietly, as though Belle had clearly already gone mad, and should be treated with care, "Belle, first you said they wanted you, then you said they wanted me, now you're saying they want Mum. What next? Rudoplh? And who are 'they' anyway, Belle? Explain that much to me. And what kind of help? What's Mum got that no one else has?"
Belle shrugged, she didn't have answers to any of these questions. "I don't know, Liss. I just don't know. Come with me back to the mirror. Let them talk to you."
Alyssa sighed, "Let me have an hour's sleep, then I'll come with you."
--
While Alyssa slept, Belle convinced Luke to play a round of Monopoly with her. She was busy claiming over five hundred dollars in rent off him when he finally asked her what had happened last night, and this morning.
Belle wondered how much to tell him, and then decided to go for the whole thing, "I could see. Last night, I used Alyssa's eyes, and I could see."
Play stopped. Luke held cash in one hand, and a mortgaged property in the other, You ... you what?" he stammered eventually.
Belle said it again, as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world. "I could see. Rudolph has a dark tip on the end of his tail. I saw that. I saw it with Alyssa's eyes."
Luke allowed his own eyes to wander over to Rudolph, still sleeping in the reading nook, although he already knew that he had a dark tip on his tail. It was out of the ordinary for a golden labrador, they were normally a solid colour, and it had caught his eye when he had first met him. "I don't ... I don't really understand. How could you ... how did that work? Can you see now?"
"No it only worked while I was in the mirror. You know the strange thing, I did it again, this morning, when Alyssa wasn't there. And I saw through Rudolph's eyes. But he doesn't just see with his eyes, he sees with his nose, I could smell things, Luke. You have no idea what that sensation is like."
Luke gave a dry laugh. "Yeah, you've got that right. I don't know what it would be like to be blind, but I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to see things with your nose."
Play resumed, and Belle grew serious again. After a few rolls she spoke softly again, "You know, I was told a lot of stuff this morning by ... well, by someone. I don't know who they were, but they had ... authority. Of some sort. Anyway, they told me a lot, but I don't remember the words they used. It's like they spoke to me in pictures, or ideas. Or maybe it was that they didn't speak at all, they just fed ideas into my head. It wasn't organised, like it is when someone describes something to you, it was like a big dump of information, but I need to unravel it a little bit at a time, bit by bit. It's like I can't access the end of the story, until I fully understand where it started, and all the other things that happen on the way."
Luke didn't meet her eyes, just continued to play the game. Eventually, he spoke nearly under his breath, "I think you're something more than just a little bit special, Belle."
"What do you mean by that, Luke?" she asked suspiciously.
"I mean that you're ... you're somehow more than human. More than ... well, more than normal, I guess." he laughed a little, "That sounds really strange, but I don't know how else to put it."
She laughed at that, but somehow the statement had made her uneasy. She was glad when Alyssa woke up, slightly less grumpy now, and broke the filament of tension that had arisen between the two of them.
--
This time, Alyssa led the procession into the bedroom. She was determined to be more than just a pair of eyes this time around. Luke, convinced to come into the house at least, hung around in the dining room, ready to be on hand in case he was needed. He would at least be needed to drag someone into a bed after it all, he thought ruefully.
Alyssa wasn't going to be nearly as cautious as her younger sister was. She marched in and stood in front of the mirror as though she was challenging it to speak to her. Rudolph eyed Belle, and then reluctantly went and stood beside Alyssa, his flank pressed to her leg. Belle stood on the other side of Alyssa, not really knowing why she was there. It was not as if Alyssa needed someone to be her eyes. The two girls closed their eyes, and together they began to chant,
"I had a little dolly,
I told it my little worry
Then it went ...
Ooooohhhhhhh" Alyssa suddenly moaned. She could feel a force in her head, behind her eyes, like a hand had roughly pushed its way in, and was feeling about for something it had lost. Alyssa struggled, wanting the feeling to (get out! get out!) go away, and she entered a mental struggle with the (spirit) force in her mind. She opened her eyes, and started to scream. Belle's head snapped, as though she had been hit, and she cried out as well. Rudolph began to howl. In an instant, Luke was in the room. He went first to Belle, Alyssa still screaming, her hands clawing at her (get out!) skull, pulling at her (brains) hair, and clawing at her (soul) eyes. Luke started to drag Belle out of the room, and she started to yell, "No! Get Liss! Get her out of here!" Luke stopped, confused, and then, as though suddenly energised by Alyssa's contined screams, he grabbed her under the armpits and dragged her, still screaming at top volume, out of the room.
--
As soon as Alyssa was out of the room, Rudolph calmed down. He went straight to Belle as nuzzled at her as though to check that she was okay. Belle was about to lean down and scratch him behind the ears when she felt a force in her own mind. It was blinding, just a flash, but the message that was imprinted in her mind was very clear. Alyssa was not welcome. Not now. Not ever.
--
When Luke pulled her out of the room, the connection between Alyssa and ... whatever it was snapped like a wire pulled too tight. One moment the sensation of (the one) something inside her head was there, the next it was (broken) gone, as though it had (but it had been) never been there. She struggled out of Luke's grip, shook herself, and said haughtily, "I can walk, leave me alone."
Luke looked sheepish, "Sorry. I ... just wanted to get you out of ... whatever that was."
Alyssa's gaze softened and, although she didn't apologise, she went to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, buried his head into the cleft provided by his collar bone. He allowed her to hug him, but her rebuke still stung him. After a while, he disentangled himself, and they both took a seat at the dining room table. Neither of them wanted to go back into the bedroom, but they didn't want to stray too far either. This whole situation was getting more and more unpredictable all the time.
--
Belle sat down on the end of the bed. Any energy she still had from this morning had been thoroughly zapped by the reaction of the (one) worry dolls in the mirror to Alyssa, and the subsequent blinding adminition that had been delivered direct into her (soul) mind. She couldn't decide if she wanted to lie down and sleep, go and get somehting to eat - maybe coffe, the caffeine might be good, or bad, she couldn't decide - or just lie down here where she was and sleep. The mirror seemed dead now, and even though it was still strangely compelling, she didn't think that it was going to let her in again for a little while. Almost as though it had given her a (blank) time out, like a naughty child. Belle sighed and, still not entirely sure what she was going to do, stood up, and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on.
--
Luke and Alyssa both looked up expectantly when Belle loped into the room, Rudolph trotting at her side. She ignored their gazes, even though she sensed their eyes upon her, and continued into the kitchen. Sometimes, being blind meant you could casually ignore things, and people let you get away with it. Not her sister, though, it seemed, as Alyssa's voice followed her into the kitchen, "Don't ignore me, Belle!"
Belle ignored her anyway, filled the jug at the tap, settled it on its base, and switched it on. She stood, listening to the water heat, the base of the kettle cracking is it warmed. Belle raised her hands to her face and scrubbed at it to try and wake herself up. She thought that, if the coffee didn't do the trick, she was just going to have to have a sleep. She wondered how late in the day it was, her sense of time was all over the place, although she was conscious of them running out of time before Mandy and Jamie got back. She needed to work out what she was supposed to do before they got here, so that she could go ahead and do - whatever it was - when they arrived.
--
Belle made coffees for everyone, unbidden, and brought them one by one into the dining room. She had the habit of always leaving one arm free, either to hold on to Rudolph's harness, or to feel for obstacles. When she had brought all three mugs in and found herself a seat, the expectant silence descended over her like a blanket, and she could feel Alyssa and Luke's eyes on her, waiting. Under the table, Rudolph settled himself on top her feet, which made her smile.
Eventually, Alyssa, unable to contain herself any longer, blurted out, "What was that all about, Belle?"
Belle remained silent, and she could sense Alyssa getting angrier and angrier as the silence dragged on. Eventually, she foudn the words she wanted, "They don't want to speak directly to you, Liss. I'm sorry. I got a ... a flash, of ... something. I don't know what to call it, but it was very clear. They don't want to speak directly to you. I think it's best if you just, well, just bring your eyes."
Alyssa was, strangely, silent. Eventually, she gave a grunt, stood up, and stalked off back to her flat. Luke, somewhat reluctantly, stood as well. As he passed Belle, his hand settled on her shoulder, squeezed lightly, and was gone.
--
Belle decided to have a little sleep, despite the caffeine. When she got to her room, she hit the button on the clock, "Eleven. Forty. Two. Ay-Em" it said in its electronic voice. She was surprised it was still morning, so much had happened already, although it made her realise she had started a lot earlier than she had known at the time. No wonder Alyssa and Luke had still been asleep. She set the alarm for one o'clock in the afternoon, deciding that at that point she would wake up, have something to eat if she felt like lunch, and then go and have a chat to the (one) voices behind the mirror. With or without Alyssa.
--
Luke followed ALyssa out to the flat, and as soon as they were outside she rounded on him, "What does she mean, they don't want to speak directly to me? Who? Who is 'they'? And why does she have some kind of a monopoly on them? And what about all this crap about Mum? What's she got to do with any of it all? It's not my fault she decided to have a nervous breakdown over a couple of worry dolls, is it? And what's the go with that, anyway? We haven't found one in ages ... well, except for the ones I found this morning, of course, but I'm not sure they count. I just dont' understand why Belle thinks she's just so fucking import ..."
During the tirade, Alyssa and Luke had arrived at the front door of the flat. Alyssa pulled the door open and, when she saw what was inside, the flow of angry words just dried up into nothing. The salad bowl full of worry dolls that had sat on her desk for days, virtually forgotten along with her school work, had apparently been upended. The dolls covered every available surface - the floor, the bed, the desk, the bookcase, the breakfast bar, even inside the reading nook she had created. There were hundreds of them, and every single one was tipped out of the bowl and into the small room. Alyssa screamed, more out of frustration and anger than fear. Luke, feeling completely nonplussed, worn out and exasperated, turned around, fished his car keys from his pocket, and drove away, without saying a word. Alyssa let loose with a tirade at his fleeing vehicle, and eventually just sat on the flat's front door step and cried.
--
Belle stirred and rolled over with the commotion outside, decided to ignore it, and went back to sleep.
--
When the alarm went off with the stilted, "Alarm! One. Oh. Clock. Pee-Em. Alarm!" Belle still felt tired. It was incredibly tempting to just switch the alarm off, roll over and go back to sleep. Rudolph padded over to her and rested his muzzle on her bed, "Rudolph," she said patiently, "Much as you are a wonderful dog, I wish you woulnd't leave drool on my bed sheets." With this, she sat up, and swung her feet on to the floor. She gave Rudolph a pat to shw him that she still loved him, and he rumbled happily at her, and followed her into the kitchen. She picked through the well organised fridge for sandwich ham, found bread in the bread box, and fixed herself a sandwich. Knowing her mother would have a fit if she knew, she fixed Rudolph one as well, and let him eat it on the kicthen floor, while she stood and ate hers. She poured herself a glass of water from the tap and drank it down. Satiated, she decided she couldn't put it off any longer, she was going to have to go back in there, and confront the (one) whatever it was.
--
Alyssa decided that, instead of facing the destruction that the worry dolls had wrought on her (life) flat, she was going to go for a walk. It was an overcast day, and the weather was cold, but the wind wasn't blowing too hard, and she decided the beach would be deserted - just what she wanted. She certainly wasn't in the mood to speakto anyone. She walked the couple of blocks to the beach, trying to work out how she had gotten to this point. She wondered what Belle was doing, was she in front of the dressing table mirror now, calling out for her 'eyes'? Was she fast asleep, sleeping off the efforts of the morning? Was she in some dreamland, communing with a bunch of worry dolls, and getting grand ideas about herself, Alyssa, and their mother, amongst who knew what else? Increasingly, she thought about Luke. Would he come back? She understood that she had been more than a little hysterical, but come on, wouldn't anyone be? Surely he could understand that? She arrived at the beach, and stepped onto the sand, the hard crust crunching under her joggers and breaking to reveal to soft, dry layer of sand beneath. It was a good analogy, she thought, the top layer looked tough and unbreakable, but it cracked under just a little pressure, and revealed the soft interior just below the surface. She felt the same, her hard exterior now full of cracks, and exposing her own soft interior. She wasn't coping well with this. When she got down to the hard packed sand near the water, she wasn't all that surprised to find that, instead of the usual shells and bits of seaweed, the beach was strewn with worry dolls.
--
Belle stood in front of the mirror yet again, Rudolph in his usual spot, resting against her right leg. This position was becoming horridly familiar, she thought ruefully. It was with a feeling not quite of impending disaster, but of possibly disastrous inevitability, that she fell into the world beyond the mirror. The world where the dolls where ruled by the one, and the worries were the local currency.
--
Alyssa returned from the beach feeling, if not quite relaxed, at least calmer than she had been, despite the worry dolls at her feet, She had at least realised she wasn't going to be able to escape whatever the dols had in store for her - for them. Still she was not quite willing to face the worry dolls strewn around her flat, and went into the house to find Belle instead. She intended to apologise, but also she wanted to make sure she was okay. The thought had occurred to her that her sister might be attempting to contact the dolls again while she was wandering on the beach trying to gather her thoughts, and could possibly need her help.
When she got to the bedroom, she discovered Belle in the now familiar position in front of the dressing table mirror, Rudolph leaning against her leg, looking as though he was sleeping with his eyes open. Belle wasn't nodding this time, but gazing with rapt attention into the mirror as though it afforded all sorts of delights. Alyssa, predicatably, couldn't see anything except Belle's reflection, and beyond that the bedroom, herself included. She perched on the end of the bed, sitting cross legged, with her elbow on her knee, and her chin in her hand. And waited.
--
This time, the communication lasted longer, and didn't end abruptly as had all the previous ones. Belle thought as she rose once more to the surface of reality, that perhaps she was getting good at this. A strange talent to possess, perhaps, but useful in the circumstances, nevertheless. She felt tired, but not overwhelmingly so. She blinked as she came back into the darkness of her reality, the lights winking out in a fashion, and plunging her back into her usual blind state. At the same time, she became aware of someone sitting behind her, and she turned, "Alyssa?" she asked.
"Yeah, it's me." her sister replied. "That was ... calm."
Belle smiled, "Yeah it was. Nice change, huh?"
Alyssa reddened, "Yeah. I deserved that. Sorry for ... before." she added.
Belle shrugged, "No big deal. This whole ... thing ... is weird. We all deal with things diferently. Where's Luke?"
"Gone." Alyssa stated simply, "My flat is ... well. My flat is over run by worry dolls. When I saw it I ... I lost it, and he ... well, he left. I went for a walk ... on the beach." she stammered, "But I wanted to say sorry. I was a bit of an arse."
"Like I said, no big deal. Will he come back?"
"No idea."
"Do you care?"
Alyssa paused, asking herself the same question and trying to come up with answer that was honest. Eventually she said, "I'm not sure."
Belle shrugged again, taking the admission in her stride, as she did most things. "I'm going to make another coffee, and then I'm going to have a lie down." she stated.
"I might join you for the coffee."
"Okay. Did you have plans for dinner?"
"Not yet. Want to get a delivery? Chinese maybe? Or pizza?"
Belle wrinkled her nose, "Not pizza. Chinese would be good. I could murder a Mongolian Duck."
"The poor duck." Alyssa laughed as she stood. The two of them walked out of the room, Rudolph between them, wagging his tail happily.
Behind These Eyes - Part Sixteen
Before Mandy had even opened her eyes the light pierced her lids like blades. Her head felt about twice the size it should be, and some kind of dead animal seemed to have crawled into her mouth and taken up residence where her tongue should have been. She seemed to be on the lounge, clearly she hadn't gotten to bed last night. She couldn't hear noise. She tried opening one eye, but decided against it and squeezed it shut again. SHe contemplated getting up, but decided against it too. It just seemed too difficult right now. She tried to work out what day it was, and decided that it could be Friday. That would be OK, she had the day off for ... something. Something was happening. She would work it out, she guessed. The house seemed still. She guessed everyone was out already, or still in bed. She couldn't tell how early (or late) it was. Just that it was daylight.
--
Surprisingly enough, Belle was feeling fantastic, despite the events of the night before, and despite lying awake thinking about it in the early hours. It was though the worry dolls had sapped the strength from her last night, but when she had slept it off, she had gotten it back with interest. She felt fantastic, alive, energised. Even Rudolph could hardly keep up with her as she danced around getting ready for school.
When she made her way out of the bedroom to get breakfast, the house was quiet. Jamie had already left for the surgery, and her mother, oddly, was passed out on the couch. She could smell the cheap wine from last night surrounding ehr in a noxious cloud and, although it surprised her a little, she decided to leave her be. Perhaps she was taking this whole situation a little hard, Belle thought. It was a bit strange, though. After all, it wasn't Mandy who couldn't pick up a worry doll without finding out what worries they held, and in a rather too personal way sometimes.
--
It was some time later when Mandy became conscious again. The thumping in her head was still there, and the light still hurt her eyes. She needed a drink quite badly. She realised she was going to have to get up to get it, or die of thirst. With effort, and her eyes cracked open to mere slits, she swung her legs down on to the floor and braced herself against the arm of the couch. She stood, slowly, her head complaining, and tottered into the kitchen to find a glass of water.
Leaning over the sink, her head drooping, water still dripping from her lips and hands where she had scooped water into her parched mouth, she began to think. What had happened? Gradually, the details started to come back to her - the Monopoly game that had never gotten started, listening to Belle, then Jamie talk about the worry dolls, holding the dice and shaking, shaking (always the dolls), listening to the stories of what they had seen in the dressing table mirror, sharing her own (oh god had she ... ?) story from the mirror. She looked down at her hand, and realised she had poured herself a glass of sherry from the pantry. She shrugged, drank it down. The headache started to fade, and she began to smile instead.
--
Alyssa half opened one eye, and decided to close it again. She wasn't getting up yet.
--
Jamie was at work, but his mind was focussed on a mirror. He had seen things in the dressing table mirror last night that not only did he think he would never see but, more to the point, things he didn't think he would ever believe that he had seen. The strange thing was not even that though. The strangest part was that he wasn't even quite sure what it was that he had seen. He knew that it had started off like smoke - as though someone had blown a great lungful of cigarette smoke at the glass, but from the wrong side. Then, the smoke had started to boil and shimmer, and images started to apepar in it. What, exactly, those images were, he couldn't see. Faces certainly, but what else. Hands? Maybe. Animals? There could have been. It was as though he hadn't seen them with his eyes, but with his mind. He guessed maybe that was what had actually happened. Perhaps these things hadn't happened in the mirror, but in his own head. But what had Alyssa seen? She had started to describe it, she was acting as Belle's eyes, just as Belle had asked too, and her description had been close to what Jamie had seen, although her words hadn't been able to convey the sense of muted horror that the images had seeemed to contain. But what had she seen after that? Was it the same as what he had seen? But what had he seen? Did Alyssa know what she had seen. And then came the thought he had been trying not to think - what had Belle seen?
--
Alyssa had located her phone, gone to the toilet, and crawled back to bed. Hiding under the doona, she quickly tapped in a text message and sent it to Luke. She droped the phone on the floor and was just dozing off again when the soft double beep of an incoming message woke her. She snaked a hand out and retrieved the phone, "Im on my way xx" it read. She smiled and dropped the phone again. Then pulled the doona up over her head and dropped back into a snooze.
When Luke arrived less than half an hour later, Alyssa was dead to the world. He snuck into the room, stepped out of his jeans, and lifted a corner of the doona to sneak in next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and she moaned slightly in her sleep, and snuggled her sleep warm body into the curve of his.
--
Friday afternoon, and Belle and Kayla arrived, laughing over a story that Belle was telling about one of the boys in school. Belle stopped outside to unleash Rudolph, and then went to unlock the front door and let them both in. She frowned when the key turned easily in the lock, and pushed open. Surely neither Jamie nor her mother would be home yet. She walked in, cautious, and called out for her mum. Kayla trailed along behind her. Belle heard noise coming from the direction of the dining table, and called out "Who is it?" before they could get too close. She jumped when a voice responded, "Belle. It's me, Jamie." and then realised who it was and smiled instead.
"Jamie! I thought you were at work! You gave me a fright."
"Sorry, Belle."
Belle paused, and then asked, "What's wrong?"
There was silence while Jamie gathered his thoughts, "It's weird how you do that Belle."
Belle shrugged, she had been told it many times, and although Jamie had become a member of the family now, he still sometimes remarked on somehting that the rest of the family just took in their stride. She waited for him to go on.
Eventually, realising Belle wasn't going to let him off the hook, he gave a bit of a sigh, "How about you sit down and I'll make you a cup of coffee?"
Kayla realised what was going on, and went to make a gracious exit. Belle, who hadn't told Kayla anything about worry dolls or visions apearing in dressing table mirrors, let her go. She wanted to hear what Jamie had to say, she had a feeling it was important, but she didn't want to drag Kayla into the situation. She told her to call her in the morning, and they would go shopping, or to the beach or something. Kayla said she would, but Belle caught the scent of a lie. She was thinking that Belle was having some serious kind of family trouble, she guessed, and Belle decided that she would make sure to go out tomorrow to make it up to her, and explain that everything was okay, although she doubted she would tell her the whole story.
By the time Kayla had left to walk the few blocks to her own house, Jamie had set a cup of steaming coffee in front of Belle, and sat down at the table across from her. Belle realised that they were sitting in the same positions as they had been the night before. The Monopoly board lay on the table, the pieces packed away but the box remaining as a reminder. Belle pulled it towards her and wordlessly started setting up a game, as Jamie began to talk.
--
"We were supposed to be leaving on our holiday today." he started, bluntly and Belle realised that she had forgotten all about it. There had been too much happen in between the time she had been told, and the time it was to happen. She waited for him to go on. "Anyway, Mandy was going to take todsay off, to pack ands tuff I guess. I was goign to work this morning, and then come home at lunch time. We were going to leave around," he checked his watch, "around an hour ago. But we. Well, we haven't. Obviously." he took a deep breath, and rubbed his face vigorously with his hands. By the time he looked up, Belle had finished setting up the board. Without discussion, he picked up a dice, threw it, and Belle did the same time. She touched the raised faces of the dices and smiled, then picked up both of them, and rolled them together, moved her piece. "Bought" she said softly, and they exchanged cash and a title deed card. The game continued almost ritualistically as Jamie continued, "Anyway, I got home around one or so, and Mandy was ... she was ... Bought." A quick exchange of cash again, and Jamie picked up the narrative, "Mandy was passed out on the couch. She's been drinking. There's an empty gin bottle in the bin."
"Bought."
"I didn't want to look, it feels like I'm spying on her, but ... I had to, Belle. I had to know. You owe me fifty dollars for opera tickets."
Belle handed the cash over, "Where is she now? She's not on the couch."
"Thanks. No, she's not." Jamie added the cash to the pile in front of him, and Belle picked up the dice, rolled, "I moved her into the bedroom."
"Bought."
"I didn't know what else to do, but I didn't want to leave her on the couch. She didn't even wake up. Bought. She's not catatonic or anything, she doesn't need to go to the hospital, but she's had a ..."
"That'll cost you fourteen dollars."
Jamie picked out a ten and four one dollar notes, and handed them over, "She's had an awful lot to drink. I guess she'll sleep it off and it'll all be okay." He paused, watching Belle count out a roll of eight. She picked up a card, and returned it to the pile, moved her piece around the board, and collected two hundred dollars salary. She didn't speak.
"I just, well, I've cancelled the weekend away. I can't very well just bundle her into the car like ..." he waved his hand in the direction of the bedroom, "well, like that." Jamie picked up the dice and paused, holding them cupped in front of him, "Do you think it's because of the shock?"
Belle didn't say anything, but she was thinking hard, and not about the game.
"Bought." Jamie said, then "I mean the shock of the, of seeing the ... stuff ... in the mirror. Maybe seeing you last night when you were holding the ... that was, well that was pretty scary for her, I think.
"Scary for her, you think?" Belle muttered sarcastically, and Jamie had the good grace to blush, even though Belle couldn't see it. She picked up the dice, rolled, and landed on one of Jamie's properties.
"Twenty three dollars." he stated, and she handed it over. "I don't know what else could have ... could have, brought it on, I guess."
There was silence, and the game progressed with as little conversation as required. Belle achieved a full set, and started building on them. It was when Jamie landed on the set and didn't have the cash that she decided to speak, "I want to look in the mirror again."
Jamie looked up from mortgaging properties, "You ... want to do that again?" he was shocked, he certainly had no desire to repeat last night's experience. But then, the more he thought about it, the more the idea was strangely attractive. Maybe it would provide an answer, maybe he could work out what he had seen the first time, if only he could look again.
"Yes." Belle said, finally, "But without Alyssa. I want you to be my eyes this time."
--
Surprisingly enough, Belle was feeling fantastic, despite the events of the night before, and despite lying awake thinking about it in the early hours. It was though the worry dolls had sapped the strength from her last night, but when she had slept it off, she had gotten it back with interest. She felt fantastic, alive, energised. Even Rudolph could hardly keep up with her as she danced around getting ready for school.
When she made her way out of the bedroom to get breakfast, the house was quiet. Jamie had already left for the surgery, and her mother, oddly, was passed out on the couch. She could smell the cheap wine from last night surrounding ehr in a noxious cloud and, although it surprised her a little, she decided to leave her be. Perhaps she was taking this whole situation a little hard, Belle thought. It was a bit strange, though. After all, it wasn't Mandy who couldn't pick up a worry doll without finding out what worries they held, and in a rather too personal way sometimes.
--
It was some time later when Mandy became conscious again. The thumping in her head was still there, and the light still hurt her eyes. She needed a drink quite badly. She realised she was going to have to get up to get it, or die of thirst. With effort, and her eyes cracked open to mere slits, she swung her legs down on to the floor and braced herself against the arm of the couch. She stood, slowly, her head complaining, and tottered into the kitchen to find a glass of water.
Leaning over the sink, her head drooping, water still dripping from her lips and hands where she had scooped water into her parched mouth, she began to think. What had happened? Gradually, the details started to come back to her - the Monopoly game that had never gotten started, listening to Belle, then Jamie talk about the worry dolls, holding the dice and shaking, shaking (always the dolls), listening to the stories of what they had seen in the dressing table mirror, sharing her own (oh god had she ... ?) story from the mirror. She looked down at her hand, and realised she had poured herself a glass of sherry from the pantry. She shrugged, drank it down. The headache started to fade, and she began to smile instead.
--
Alyssa half opened one eye, and decided to close it again. She wasn't getting up yet.
--
Jamie was at work, but his mind was focussed on a mirror. He had seen things in the dressing table mirror last night that not only did he think he would never see but, more to the point, things he didn't think he would ever believe that he had seen. The strange thing was not even that though. The strangest part was that he wasn't even quite sure what it was that he had seen. He knew that it had started off like smoke - as though someone had blown a great lungful of cigarette smoke at the glass, but from the wrong side. Then, the smoke had started to boil and shimmer, and images started to apepar in it. What, exactly, those images were, he couldn't see. Faces certainly, but what else. Hands? Maybe. Animals? There could have been. It was as though he hadn't seen them with his eyes, but with his mind. He guessed maybe that was what had actually happened. Perhaps these things hadn't happened in the mirror, but in his own head. But what had Alyssa seen? She had started to describe it, she was acting as Belle's eyes, just as Belle had asked too, and her description had been close to what Jamie had seen, although her words hadn't been able to convey the sense of muted horror that the images had seeemed to contain. But what had she seen after that? Was it the same as what he had seen? But what had he seen? Did Alyssa know what she had seen. And then came the thought he had been trying not to think - what had Belle seen?
--
Alyssa had located her phone, gone to the toilet, and crawled back to bed. Hiding under the doona, she quickly tapped in a text message and sent it to Luke. She droped the phone on the floor and was just dozing off again when the soft double beep of an incoming message woke her. She snaked a hand out and retrieved the phone, "Im on my way xx" it read. She smiled and dropped the phone again. Then pulled the doona up over her head and dropped back into a snooze.
When Luke arrived less than half an hour later, Alyssa was dead to the world. He snuck into the room, stepped out of his jeans, and lifted a corner of the doona to sneak in next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and she moaned slightly in her sleep, and snuggled her sleep warm body into the curve of his.
--
Friday afternoon, and Belle and Kayla arrived, laughing over a story that Belle was telling about one of the boys in school. Belle stopped outside to unleash Rudolph, and then went to unlock the front door and let them both in. She frowned when the key turned easily in the lock, and pushed open. Surely neither Jamie nor her mother would be home yet. She walked in, cautious, and called out for her mum. Kayla trailed along behind her. Belle heard noise coming from the direction of the dining table, and called out "Who is it?" before they could get too close. She jumped when a voice responded, "Belle. It's me, Jamie." and then realised who it was and smiled instead.
"Jamie! I thought you were at work! You gave me a fright."
"Sorry, Belle."
Belle paused, and then asked, "What's wrong?"
There was silence while Jamie gathered his thoughts, "It's weird how you do that Belle."
Belle shrugged, she had been told it many times, and although Jamie had become a member of the family now, he still sometimes remarked on somehting that the rest of the family just took in their stride. She waited for him to go on.
Eventually, realising Belle wasn't going to let him off the hook, he gave a bit of a sigh, "How about you sit down and I'll make you a cup of coffee?"
Kayla realised what was going on, and went to make a gracious exit. Belle, who hadn't told Kayla anything about worry dolls or visions apearing in dressing table mirrors, let her go. She wanted to hear what Jamie had to say, she had a feeling it was important, but she didn't want to drag Kayla into the situation. She told her to call her in the morning, and they would go shopping, or to the beach or something. Kayla said she would, but Belle caught the scent of a lie. She was thinking that Belle was having some serious kind of family trouble, she guessed, and Belle decided that she would make sure to go out tomorrow to make it up to her, and explain that everything was okay, although she doubted she would tell her the whole story.
By the time Kayla had left to walk the few blocks to her own house, Jamie had set a cup of steaming coffee in front of Belle, and sat down at the table across from her. Belle realised that they were sitting in the same positions as they had been the night before. The Monopoly board lay on the table, the pieces packed away but the box remaining as a reminder. Belle pulled it towards her and wordlessly started setting up a game, as Jamie began to talk.
--
"We were supposed to be leaving on our holiday today." he started, bluntly and Belle realised that she had forgotten all about it. There had been too much happen in between the time she had been told, and the time it was to happen. She waited for him to go on. "Anyway, Mandy was going to take todsay off, to pack ands tuff I guess. I was goign to work this morning, and then come home at lunch time. We were going to leave around," he checked his watch, "around an hour ago. But we. Well, we haven't. Obviously." he took a deep breath, and rubbed his face vigorously with his hands. By the time he looked up, Belle had finished setting up the board. Without discussion, he picked up a dice, threw it, and Belle did the same time. She touched the raised faces of the dices and smiled, then picked up both of them, and rolled them together, moved her piece. "Bought" she said softly, and they exchanged cash and a title deed card. The game continued almost ritualistically as Jamie continued, "Anyway, I got home around one or so, and Mandy was ... she was ... Bought." A quick exchange of cash again, and Jamie picked up the narrative, "Mandy was passed out on the couch. She's been drinking. There's an empty gin bottle in the bin."
"Bought."
"I didn't want to look, it feels like I'm spying on her, but ... I had to, Belle. I had to know. You owe me fifty dollars for opera tickets."
Belle handed the cash over, "Where is she now? She's not on the couch."
"Thanks. No, she's not." Jamie added the cash to the pile in front of him, and Belle picked up the dice, rolled, "I moved her into the bedroom."
"Bought."
"I didn't know what else to do, but I didn't want to leave her on the couch. She didn't even wake up. Bought. She's not catatonic or anything, she doesn't need to go to the hospital, but she's had a ..."
"That'll cost you fourteen dollars."
Jamie picked out a ten and four one dollar notes, and handed them over, "She's had an awful lot to drink. I guess she'll sleep it off and it'll all be okay." He paused, watching Belle count out a roll of eight. She picked up a card, and returned it to the pile, moved her piece around the board, and collected two hundred dollars salary. She didn't speak.
"I just, well, I've cancelled the weekend away. I can't very well just bundle her into the car like ..." he waved his hand in the direction of the bedroom, "well, like that." Jamie picked up the dice and paused, holding them cupped in front of him, "Do you think it's because of the shock?"
Belle didn't say anything, but she was thinking hard, and not about the game.
"Bought." Jamie said, then "I mean the shock of the, of seeing the ... stuff ... in the mirror. Maybe seeing you last night when you were holding the ... that was, well that was pretty scary for her, I think.
"Scary for her, you think?" Belle muttered sarcastically, and Jamie had the good grace to blush, even though Belle couldn't see it. She picked up the dice, rolled, and landed on one of Jamie's properties.
"Twenty three dollars." he stated, and she handed it over. "I don't know what else could have ... could have, brought it on, I guess."
There was silence, and the game progressed with as little conversation as required. Belle achieved a full set, and started building on them. It was when Jamie landed on the set and didn't have the cash that she decided to speak, "I want to look in the mirror again."
Jamie looked up from mortgaging properties, "You ... want to do that again?" he was shocked, he certainly had no desire to repeat last night's experience. But then, the more he thought about it, the more the idea was strangely attractive. Maybe it would provide an answer, maybe he could work out what he had seen the first time, if only he could look again.
"Yes." Belle said, finally, "But without Alyssa. I want you to be my eyes this time."
Behind These Eyes - Part Fifteen
When Belle woke up it was early and the house was silent. She didn't want to hit the button on the clock to find out what time it was, even its soft voice was too loud in the quiet hours before dawn. Rudolph was asleep on his bed in the corner of the room, she could hear him snuffling quietly in his sleep. She lay in bed, thinking over the events of the night before. She wondered what it was she was tapping into. Some kind of collective conscious of the dolls - if dolls could be said to have a conscious mind. These ones certainly seemed to. She wondered what it was that the dolls wanted. Because surely they wanted something. She guessed it was up to her to find out. If she work out what they wanted, maybe she could find a way to give it to them. Maybe that would silence them. Like the old Halloween rhetoric about the dead haunting the living until they had made amends - perhaps the dolls needed to do something, or express something, or make contact for some reason. She imagined it had something to do with the worries they held - after all, that's how they had manifested themselves, in terms of the worries they each possessed. Each doll only seemed to have one, at least only one that they were sharing with Belle, but that one worry had - in the four cases so far - been a big one. A gushing head wound, being hit with a hot frying pan, these weren't minor worries. Belle wondered if maybe she was expected to track down the perpertrators of these vicious acts, but that reasoning didn't stand for the man with the heart attack - surely no one in that situation could rightly be called a perpertrator. Maybe they were premonitions, and she was supposed to be somehow avoiding them, stopping them occurring. But she had no way of identifying the victims. When she experienced the worries, when she held the dolls in her hand, she always took the part of the victim. She felt what the victim felt, smelled what the victim smelled. She didn't see the victim though, she didn't know whether they were young or old, tall or short, male or female. She didn't know who they were, where they were, or what had gotten them into the situation they were in. As much as Belle felt in control at the time, now she just felt lost and very confused. What did the dolls want from her? And how was she going to deliver it?
Behind These Eyes - Part Fourteen
The two girls finished their version of events, including their account of what Luke had seen in the dressing table mirror and Alyssa's theory that Belle's disability made her somehow more receptive to the dolls' worries. Alyssa looked at Belle, wondering if she had anything further to add and, when her sister didn't speak further, she looked at first her mother, and then Jamie, to guage their reactions. They both looked stunned, but not as stunned as perhaps they should have been. Mandy had moved to the kitchen table and sat down during the recount, and now she was idly shaking the pair of dice from the game in her hand, as though if she rolled them, they would give her an answer. Of course they would, but not an answer that would help her unravel this mystery. Jamie took a breath, as though to speak, and then let it out again without saying anything. Mandy seemed as though she hadn't even registered the silence, her head down, her hands with the dice inside them shaking, shaking.
--
Eventually, Jamie found the words he wanted to say, and began saying them. Slowly at first, but gradually warming to the narrative, he told of the endless worry dolls the two of them had found - in the salad, in the surgery. In his shoe. Eventually, he came around to the old man he - just like Luke - had seen in the dressing table mirror. Belle looked up as he recounted the story of the man apparently having a heart attack and passing away on the bed, but said nothing. He spoke of the indentation the reflection had left on the bed, and of his feelings of impotence.
Mandy looked up as Jamie stumbled to a halt, and added her own story. Jamie had not yet heard it in full, and he listened as raptly as the two girls as she spoke of the girl she had seen - no more than twelve, and the amazing head wound she had spouted while Mandy's head was turned, looking for the girl in the real room behind her.
All four of them had made the connection now, between the experiences Belle had had with each of the worry dolls, and the visions they had seen in the mirror. But what it meant, none of them could begin to guess.
--
There were a lot of pauses, a lot of "ummms" and a lot of nervous glances, but eventually, they decided to go into the master bedroom and peer in the mirror to see what evils lurked there. Belle had experienced the worries of four of the dolls, but between them - and including the now absent Luke - they had seen only three in the mirror. As preparation, Belle had been convinced to hold the doll she had found in the Monopoly box to determine the nature of the scenario. It was the first time she had voluntarily picked up a doll for a second experience, and the knowledge of what was coming made her nervous. Alyssa picked up the doll and Belle held out her hands to take it, just as they had on the beach the last time. Belle's heart was racing even before the little doll dropped into her cupped palms, and this time the experience was stronger, more powerful than ever before. The rushing noise filled her head, blotting out all other sound, and she immediately began to struggle to breathe. As she tried to suck in air - a blockage like a wet rag low in her throat, and restricting any attempt at respiration, a vague idea came to her that she should drop the doll. The sentence made little sense to her, what she wanted was air (drop the doll) and she sucked harder, in vain. Then even the lack of oxygen (drop the doll) started to seem unimportant, and the rushing sound (i had a little dolly) faded and seemed almost comforting. She began to drift, her mind (now they're all dead) empty and her panic a lifetime away. She floated on the rushing sound, like a radio that had slipped off the station and was picking up nothing but static (i'm so sorry), and just let go ...
--
Alyssa was watching Belle, wondering when she was going to drop the doll, and it was only when Mandy began screaming that she was suffocating that she realised it has been too long. Jamie was jumping to his feet and trying to revive her and Mandy was still screaming when Alyssa reached out almost casually, and slapped the little doll out of her sister's hands. Almost immediately, Belle took a deep, shuddering breath, and her eyes flickered open. She frowned, and blinked a few times, apaprently totally bemused at the panicked faces around her. "What happened?" she croaked, her throat still dry, "What just ..." she put her hands down on the table, and Alyssa swept the doll out of her reach. Mandy was still hysterical, yelling at Alyssa that she could have killed her, yelling at Jamie for not having reacted sooner, yelling at Belle for having tried such a crazy stunt in the first place. It was a state common to parents - anger borne through fear, and subsequent relief.
"It was the doll," Alyssa said quietly, "The worry doll."
Belle frowned for a moment before the memory came flooding back at her. The doll, she remembered now. She hadn't really been drowning, but the doll apparently had been worrying about it.
--
When Mandy finally stopped yelling at everyone, she looked around as though she had just woken from a stupor, and went into the kitchen. She found a wine glass in the cupboard, and fished a cheap bottle of cooking wine out of the fridge. She didn't drink much usually, and it was in there to be used for deglazing the pan when she was cooking, but now she sloshed a good dose into the glass. She drank it down like a kid will glug a medicine cup full of cough mixture, and grimaced at the burning sensation as it wound its way towards her stomach. Fighting the urge to throw the alcohol back up and into the sink, she poured another glass, and hurled the finished bottle into the bin. She picked up the glass and made her way somewhat unsteadily back into the dining room. Jamie raised an eyebrow as she moved past him, but she said nothing. She didn't trust herself to speak.
--
When they were all sitting at the table again, Alyssa looked around at all of them. She had been taking charge of the evening all along so far, and saw no reason not to continue. Jamie and Belle both looked forlorn, Jamie staring at his hands as the lay on the table, only his restless fingers tying themselves into knots giving away his nervousness. Belle looked lost in thought, her mind a million miles away as she turned the problem over in her mind. Mandy looked spaced out, and Alyssa realised that this wasn't her first glass of wine. Her mother didn't drink much, but even she couldn't get drunk on only three tentative sips of cooking wine. Alyysa cleared her throat. Jamie looked up at her, the other two seemed stuck in their own worlds regardless.
"Well, are we going to go and look in the mirror?"
"Liss, I'm not so sure that that's a great ..." Jamie started.
"Yes." Belle interupted. "Yes. I wanted to do it beforen just to find out what happens, but now I think we don't have a choice. We have to look."
This was greeted with silence.
"I need you to be the eyes, Liss. You need to look, and tell me what you can see. Can you do that?"
Alyssa, realising that the control she had had - if she had ever had it - had been wrested from her now. The control, the power, lay with Belle and she realised that it really had all along. Belle was the one who could receive the dolls' messages, and so she was the one who would call the shots. She needed Alyssa to 'be her eyes' as she put it, but she was clearly in control. Alyssa nodded, cleared her throat again, and said, "of course I can."
Belle nodded, although she had known all along that Alyssa wouldn't refuse her, and said softly, "Let's go, then."
--
Belle stood, Alyssa stood with her. Jamie sat watching the two of them, and eventually stood too. Mandy drained her drink, and put her head down on her arms. Belle wondered idly where Rudolph was, it wasn't like him not to be sitting under the kitchen table. Perhaps he had wandered off when all the excitement began. Suddenly, she didn't seem nervous about entering her mother's room, although it been only mere days ago that the idea had scared the life out of her. She wished Rudolph was around, to give her an indication about how she should be feeling about going into the room, wondering if her own sixth sense was fooling her into a false sense of security. Redgardless, she walked slowly to the room, taking each step carefully, and measuring the distances with care, to avoid running into the walls. She didn't want to go rushing in, just in case she missed something important. She didn't know what that might be, but she was sure she would recognise it when it happened.
--
Alyssa followed Belle into the room, at the snail's pace she set. She had a sudden image from a book she had owned as a child, of a family going on a bear hunt, and creeping through various obstacles - long wavy grass, thick oozy mud, and a whirling swirling snowstorm - and the thought nearly made her giggle, in spite of the seriousness that had descended over them. Jamie was following closely behind her, she could hear him breathing hot and fast. Alyssa suspected that her mother, still in the kitchen, had dropped into an alcoholic stupor. Well, she couldn't really blame her. The idea seemed rather appealing even to Alyssa, if her urge to just retreat from the whole messy experience hadn't been completely overcome by her curiosity. When Belle reached the bedroom door she paused. If Alyssa didn't know better, she would have thought that she was looking for something in the room, but as it was she guessed she was waiting for a feeling, an emotion, a signal of some sort. Alyssa and Jamie waited impatiently, eager to just get into the room and discover what lay in the mirror. The theatrics seemed uneccesary and over dramatic.
--
Belle wasn't aware of the impatience of the two behind her, in fact she wasn't really aware of them at all. Their presence was not what was important to her right now, although she knew that Alyssa's eyes would become important to her soon enough. For now, her own internal eye could see more than Alyssa's ordinary ones ever would. She stepped gingerly into the room, and was unsurprised when Rudolph padded out from underneath the bed. He came up to her, lifting his head for a pat. She crouched beside him, fondled his soft ears, and whispered to him, "What is it, Rude?" she murmered, "What can you see, hmm?". Rudolph responded by nuzzling her cheek, and she interpreted it to mean that the room was clear. She wasn't just unthreatened by anything, but was being invited in to partake of the super-normal events that the worry dolls wanted her to see, she imagined.
"Okay, let's go." she murmered softly, more to herself than to Alyssa and Jamie, and took the few steps over to stand in front of the dressing table. Rudolph stood close by her side, she could feel his heart beating against her leg even through the fabric of her jeans.
--
Alyssa and Jamie shuffled into the room behind Belle and Rudolph, and the four of them stood staring into the mirror, waiting for it to share its secret. Alyssa started to feel a little silly. Jamie was about to pipe up and declare that clearly they were making a big fuss over absolutely nothing, when Belle began to murmer under her breath. At first they couldn't work out what she was saying, and then Alyssa picked up the rythym ...
... I'm so very sorry
I had a little dolly
I told it my little worry
And then it all turned red
And now they're all dead
I'm so very sorry
I had a little dollly ...
Belle continued the mantra, and reluctantly Alyssa picked it up as well, murmering the words under her breath. Jamie stood looking at first Belle, then Alyssa. Even he was beginning to notice the electricity in the air, the choking feeling that was rising up and threatening to consume them all. He wanted to yell out, to get them to stop chanting, but the rhyme went through him, piercing him and making unable (or unwilling?) to call this crazy idea off.
The girls kept chanting, Alyssa and Jamie both staring into the mirror. Rudolph continued to pant, his eyes locked on Belle. Belle, for her part, had her eyes closed - all the better to see you with, my dear, she thought crazily, incoherently - and was swaying slightly on her feet. Jamie watched her image wavering in the mirror, and wondered if the only thing he would see reflected there would be Belle fainting. He positioned himself so that he could catch her if she fell, and tried to watch the reflection of the room in the mirror, rather than Belle herself.
As the chanting continued, the tension in the room continued to rise and, just as Belle began to think that she was going to spontaneously combust from the pressure building up inside her head, she heard Alyssa cry out behind her. A moment later Jamie's voice joined her, the words indistinct, barely distinguishable, "Oh my dear sweet Lord! What the hell is that?"
Belle tried not to allow the voices behind her to break her concetration, although she needed to hear what it was that Alyssa could see. Come on, Liss, she begged silently - to open her mouth now would be to break the spell - come on and tell me what's happening, Liss.
--
Finally, Alyssa realised that she needed to explain what she was seeing. This was what Belle had meant, she suddenly thought, when had asked Alyssa to 'be her eyes'. Alyssa had been Belle's eyes nearly all her life, but this was a completely different demand, she thought, and it became clear why Belle had asked specifically this time. Because, whether Belle had understood it or not, being her eyes here - now - was a lot more complciated than telling her where on the plate the sausages were. She opened her mouth, tried to form what her eyes were seeing into some kind of words, and began to stammer, "It's a ... well, mostly it's smoke. In the mirror, the reflection. It's white, like smoke off a ... well like smoke from a smoke machine, not like smoke from a fire." she paused again, trying to explain the image further, and Jamie jumped in, his voice excited and nervous, "But there's faces in it, Belle. All different faces. They're mostly sad, but some are angry, and some are ... " at this point, Belle realised that she was no longer hearing the two of them with her ears. Their voices no longer contained words, but images, ideas, emotions. She was tapping directly into their thoughts, she realised so suddenly that she nearly severed the connection with her surprise. Instead, she tried to tune into them, but she couldn't distinguish Alyssa from Jamie and the two of them from the rest of the images swirling in her mind. She attempted to unravel the ideas, find the end of a string so she could follow it through the tangled pile, but every time she grasped one concept, one idea, another one crashed in on top of it and she lost her grip. Eventually, it became too much for her, and she let go. Everything went black.
--
Alyssa saw Belle drop to the ground, and realised that she had stopped actually speaking. Even as she rushed to help her sister, she wondered when that had happened. She had still been thinking that she was speaking out aloud, but now she tried to recall the words she had used, she couldn't. She knelt beside Belle, and Jamie appeared at her elbow. The strange feeling in the room had dissapated now - the sense of crowding had cleared, and the claustrophic atmosphere had washed away, like summer heat after an evening storm. She looked down into Belle's face, and was surprised to find that she was breathing normally, her face clear. Jamie knelt beside her, and said gruffly, "Let's get her into bed." Then clarified, "her bed. Get her out of this room." He picked her up as though she was a baby, her prostrate form flopping over both his arms as he raised himself, with her, into a standing position. Alyssa followed along behind them, noticing as she did that the dressing table mirror - free now from smoke and ethereal faces - had a crack running right the way across its middle, even through the wings, although they were seperate pieces of glass. She shivered suddenly, as a finger of ice crept up her spine, and then followed Jamie and her sister out of the room.
--
Minutes after Jamie laid Belle on her own bed, she opened her eyes. There was no confusion, no moment of wondering where she was. One moment, everything had been black and voices and thoughts and pictures had been intertwined around her, the next, she was lying face up on the bed in her room. She sat up, and Rudolph was at her side, licking her hand. She smiled, gave him a pat and hugged him awkwardly around his head. "Good boy, you're a good boy."
When Alyssa poked her head into Belle's bedroom later on, she was in her pyjamas and tucked up under the doona. Alyssa smiled and, although she badly wanted to know what Belle had just experienced, she let her sister sleep.
Back in her own flat, Alyssa made herself a cup of coffee. The experience hadn't made her tired, as it had Belle, it had gotten her keyed up, excited, nervous. She wanted - needed - an answer to this mystery. The scientist in her demanded it.
--
Eventually, Jamie found the words he wanted to say, and began saying them. Slowly at first, but gradually warming to the narrative, he told of the endless worry dolls the two of them had found - in the salad, in the surgery. In his shoe. Eventually, he came around to the old man he - just like Luke - had seen in the dressing table mirror. Belle looked up as he recounted the story of the man apparently having a heart attack and passing away on the bed, but said nothing. He spoke of the indentation the reflection had left on the bed, and of his feelings of impotence.
Mandy looked up as Jamie stumbled to a halt, and added her own story. Jamie had not yet heard it in full, and he listened as raptly as the two girls as she spoke of the girl she had seen - no more than twelve, and the amazing head wound she had spouted while Mandy's head was turned, looking for the girl in the real room behind her.
All four of them had made the connection now, between the experiences Belle had had with each of the worry dolls, and the visions they had seen in the mirror. But what it meant, none of them could begin to guess.
--
There were a lot of pauses, a lot of "ummms" and a lot of nervous glances, but eventually, they decided to go into the master bedroom and peer in the mirror to see what evils lurked there. Belle had experienced the worries of four of the dolls, but between them - and including the now absent Luke - they had seen only three in the mirror. As preparation, Belle had been convinced to hold the doll she had found in the Monopoly box to determine the nature of the scenario. It was the first time she had voluntarily picked up a doll for a second experience, and the knowledge of what was coming made her nervous. Alyssa picked up the doll and Belle held out her hands to take it, just as they had on the beach the last time. Belle's heart was racing even before the little doll dropped into her cupped palms, and this time the experience was stronger, more powerful than ever before. The rushing noise filled her head, blotting out all other sound, and she immediately began to struggle to breathe. As she tried to suck in air - a blockage like a wet rag low in her throat, and restricting any attempt at respiration, a vague idea came to her that she should drop the doll. The sentence made little sense to her, what she wanted was air (drop the doll) and she sucked harder, in vain. Then even the lack of oxygen (drop the doll) started to seem unimportant, and the rushing sound (i had a little dolly) faded and seemed almost comforting. She began to drift, her mind (now they're all dead) empty and her panic a lifetime away. She floated on the rushing sound, like a radio that had slipped off the station and was picking up nothing but static (i'm so sorry), and just let go ...
--
Alyssa was watching Belle, wondering when she was going to drop the doll, and it was only when Mandy began screaming that she was suffocating that she realised it has been too long. Jamie was jumping to his feet and trying to revive her and Mandy was still screaming when Alyssa reached out almost casually, and slapped the little doll out of her sister's hands. Almost immediately, Belle took a deep, shuddering breath, and her eyes flickered open. She frowned, and blinked a few times, apaprently totally bemused at the panicked faces around her. "What happened?" she croaked, her throat still dry, "What just ..." she put her hands down on the table, and Alyssa swept the doll out of her reach. Mandy was still hysterical, yelling at Alyssa that she could have killed her, yelling at Jamie for not having reacted sooner, yelling at Belle for having tried such a crazy stunt in the first place. It was a state common to parents - anger borne through fear, and subsequent relief.
"It was the doll," Alyssa said quietly, "The worry doll."
Belle frowned for a moment before the memory came flooding back at her. The doll, she remembered now. She hadn't really been drowning, but the doll apparently had been worrying about it.
--
When Mandy finally stopped yelling at everyone, she looked around as though she had just woken from a stupor, and went into the kitchen. She found a wine glass in the cupboard, and fished a cheap bottle of cooking wine out of the fridge. She didn't drink much usually, and it was in there to be used for deglazing the pan when she was cooking, but now she sloshed a good dose into the glass. She drank it down like a kid will glug a medicine cup full of cough mixture, and grimaced at the burning sensation as it wound its way towards her stomach. Fighting the urge to throw the alcohol back up and into the sink, she poured another glass, and hurled the finished bottle into the bin. She picked up the glass and made her way somewhat unsteadily back into the dining room. Jamie raised an eyebrow as she moved past him, but she said nothing. She didn't trust herself to speak.
--
When they were all sitting at the table again, Alyssa looked around at all of them. She had been taking charge of the evening all along so far, and saw no reason not to continue. Jamie and Belle both looked forlorn, Jamie staring at his hands as the lay on the table, only his restless fingers tying themselves into knots giving away his nervousness. Belle looked lost in thought, her mind a million miles away as she turned the problem over in her mind. Mandy looked spaced out, and Alyssa realised that this wasn't her first glass of wine. Her mother didn't drink much, but even she couldn't get drunk on only three tentative sips of cooking wine. Alyysa cleared her throat. Jamie looked up at her, the other two seemed stuck in their own worlds regardless.
"Well, are we going to go and look in the mirror?"
"Liss, I'm not so sure that that's a great ..." Jamie started.
"Yes." Belle interupted. "Yes. I wanted to do it beforen just to find out what happens, but now I think we don't have a choice. We have to look."
This was greeted with silence.
"I need you to be the eyes, Liss. You need to look, and tell me what you can see. Can you do that?"
Alyssa, realising that the control she had had - if she had ever had it - had been wrested from her now. The control, the power, lay with Belle and she realised that it really had all along. Belle was the one who could receive the dolls' messages, and so she was the one who would call the shots. She needed Alyssa to 'be her eyes' as she put it, but she was clearly in control. Alyssa nodded, cleared her throat again, and said, "of course I can."
Belle nodded, although she had known all along that Alyssa wouldn't refuse her, and said softly, "Let's go, then."
--
Belle stood, Alyssa stood with her. Jamie sat watching the two of them, and eventually stood too. Mandy drained her drink, and put her head down on her arms. Belle wondered idly where Rudolph was, it wasn't like him not to be sitting under the kitchen table. Perhaps he had wandered off when all the excitement began. Suddenly, she didn't seem nervous about entering her mother's room, although it been only mere days ago that the idea had scared the life out of her. She wished Rudolph was around, to give her an indication about how she should be feeling about going into the room, wondering if her own sixth sense was fooling her into a false sense of security. Redgardless, she walked slowly to the room, taking each step carefully, and measuring the distances with care, to avoid running into the walls. She didn't want to go rushing in, just in case she missed something important. She didn't know what that might be, but she was sure she would recognise it when it happened.
--
Alyssa followed Belle into the room, at the snail's pace she set. She had a sudden image from a book she had owned as a child, of a family going on a bear hunt, and creeping through various obstacles - long wavy grass, thick oozy mud, and a whirling swirling snowstorm - and the thought nearly made her giggle, in spite of the seriousness that had descended over them. Jamie was following closely behind her, she could hear him breathing hot and fast. Alyssa suspected that her mother, still in the kitchen, had dropped into an alcoholic stupor. Well, she couldn't really blame her. The idea seemed rather appealing even to Alyssa, if her urge to just retreat from the whole messy experience hadn't been completely overcome by her curiosity. When Belle reached the bedroom door she paused. If Alyssa didn't know better, she would have thought that she was looking for something in the room, but as it was she guessed she was waiting for a feeling, an emotion, a signal of some sort. Alyssa and Jamie waited impatiently, eager to just get into the room and discover what lay in the mirror. The theatrics seemed uneccesary and over dramatic.
--
Belle wasn't aware of the impatience of the two behind her, in fact she wasn't really aware of them at all. Their presence was not what was important to her right now, although she knew that Alyssa's eyes would become important to her soon enough. For now, her own internal eye could see more than Alyssa's ordinary ones ever would. She stepped gingerly into the room, and was unsurprised when Rudolph padded out from underneath the bed. He came up to her, lifting his head for a pat. She crouched beside him, fondled his soft ears, and whispered to him, "What is it, Rude?" she murmered, "What can you see, hmm?". Rudolph responded by nuzzling her cheek, and she interpreted it to mean that the room was clear. She wasn't just unthreatened by anything, but was being invited in to partake of the super-normal events that the worry dolls wanted her to see, she imagined.
"Okay, let's go." she murmered softly, more to herself than to Alyssa and Jamie, and took the few steps over to stand in front of the dressing table. Rudolph stood close by her side, she could feel his heart beating against her leg even through the fabric of her jeans.
--
Alyssa and Jamie shuffled into the room behind Belle and Rudolph, and the four of them stood staring into the mirror, waiting for it to share its secret. Alyssa started to feel a little silly. Jamie was about to pipe up and declare that clearly they were making a big fuss over absolutely nothing, when Belle began to murmer under her breath. At first they couldn't work out what she was saying, and then Alyssa picked up the rythym ...
... I'm so very sorry
I had a little dolly
I told it my little worry
And then it all turned red
And now they're all dead
I'm so very sorry
I had a little dollly ...
Belle continued the mantra, and reluctantly Alyssa picked it up as well, murmering the words under her breath. Jamie stood looking at first Belle, then Alyssa. Even he was beginning to notice the electricity in the air, the choking feeling that was rising up and threatening to consume them all. He wanted to yell out, to get them to stop chanting, but the rhyme went through him, piercing him and making unable (or unwilling?) to call this crazy idea off.
The girls kept chanting, Alyssa and Jamie both staring into the mirror. Rudolph continued to pant, his eyes locked on Belle. Belle, for her part, had her eyes closed - all the better to see you with, my dear, she thought crazily, incoherently - and was swaying slightly on her feet. Jamie watched her image wavering in the mirror, and wondered if the only thing he would see reflected there would be Belle fainting. He positioned himself so that he could catch her if she fell, and tried to watch the reflection of the room in the mirror, rather than Belle herself.
As the chanting continued, the tension in the room continued to rise and, just as Belle began to think that she was going to spontaneously combust from the pressure building up inside her head, she heard Alyssa cry out behind her. A moment later Jamie's voice joined her, the words indistinct, barely distinguishable, "Oh my dear sweet Lord! What the hell is that?"
Belle tried not to allow the voices behind her to break her concetration, although she needed to hear what it was that Alyssa could see. Come on, Liss, she begged silently - to open her mouth now would be to break the spell - come on and tell me what's happening, Liss.
--
Finally, Alyssa realised that she needed to explain what she was seeing. This was what Belle had meant, she suddenly thought, when had asked Alyssa to 'be her eyes'. Alyssa had been Belle's eyes nearly all her life, but this was a completely different demand, she thought, and it became clear why Belle had asked specifically this time. Because, whether Belle had understood it or not, being her eyes here - now - was a lot more complciated than telling her where on the plate the sausages were. She opened her mouth, tried to form what her eyes were seeing into some kind of words, and began to stammer, "It's a ... well, mostly it's smoke. In the mirror, the reflection. It's white, like smoke off a ... well like smoke from a smoke machine, not like smoke from a fire." she paused again, trying to explain the image further, and Jamie jumped in, his voice excited and nervous, "But there's faces in it, Belle. All different faces. They're mostly sad, but some are angry, and some are ... " at this point, Belle realised that she was no longer hearing the two of them with her ears. Their voices no longer contained words, but images, ideas, emotions. She was tapping directly into their thoughts, she realised so suddenly that she nearly severed the connection with her surprise. Instead, she tried to tune into them, but she couldn't distinguish Alyssa from Jamie and the two of them from the rest of the images swirling in her mind. She attempted to unravel the ideas, find the end of a string so she could follow it through the tangled pile, but every time she grasped one concept, one idea, another one crashed in on top of it and she lost her grip. Eventually, it became too much for her, and she let go. Everything went black.
--
Alyssa saw Belle drop to the ground, and realised that she had stopped actually speaking. Even as she rushed to help her sister, she wondered when that had happened. She had still been thinking that she was speaking out aloud, but now she tried to recall the words she had used, she couldn't. She knelt beside Belle, and Jamie appeared at her elbow. The strange feeling in the room had dissapated now - the sense of crowding had cleared, and the claustrophic atmosphere had washed away, like summer heat after an evening storm. She looked down into Belle's face, and was surprised to find that she was breathing normally, her face clear. Jamie knelt beside her, and said gruffly, "Let's get her into bed." Then clarified, "her bed. Get her out of this room." He picked her up as though she was a baby, her prostrate form flopping over both his arms as he raised himself, with her, into a standing position. Alyssa followed along behind them, noticing as she did that the dressing table mirror - free now from smoke and ethereal faces - had a crack running right the way across its middle, even through the wings, although they were seperate pieces of glass. She shivered suddenly, as a finger of ice crept up her spine, and then followed Jamie and her sister out of the room.
--
Minutes after Jamie laid Belle on her own bed, she opened her eyes. There was no confusion, no moment of wondering where she was. One moment, everything had been black and voices and thoughts and pictures had been intertwined around her, the next, she was lying face up on the bed in her room. She sat up, and Rudolph was at her side, licking her hand. She smiled, gave him a pat and hugged him awkwardly around his head. "Good boy, you're a good boy."
When Alyssa poked her head into Belle's bedroom later on, she was in her pyjamas and tucked up under the doona. Alyssa smiled and, although she badly wanted to know what Belle had just experienced, she let her sister sleep.
Back in her own flat, Alyssa made herself a cup of coffee. The experience hadn't made her tired, as it had Belle, it had gotten her keyed up, excited, nervous. She wanted - needed - an answer to this mystery. The scientist in her demanded it.
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